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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Just because I'm black, doesn't mean I....

24 replies

Sugarintheplum · 12/02/2021 22:19

..am a road gyal.

So, I read the thread about feeling like one can't move from London because of lack of diversity elsewhere in the UK and was incensed about some comments about people assuming black people are drug dealers. And I thought, "wow, I'm not leaving London then, sad for those people'.

Less than a week later, I'm leaving my house and putting my children in the car, about to go about my business when a 'neighbour' comes up to me and starts talking about my front door (it's a bit different so I'm used to it). I make small chat, but like every Londoner, I have somewhere to go. Anyway, he looks East Asian, mid-40s, explains he just bought a flat on the road for his mother. Nice, bless. So I tell him the area is ok, but that I have seen some drinkers on the corner more than a few times, and I know a few cars by sight that sell deal drugs at the end of the road, otherwise, I think his mother will be all good, at least there aren't people hanging on the street all day and night. Then he says 'sounds like you're describing me'. I just look at him for a second thinking ' a ha, weird, but whatever I'm about to drive off anyway mate'. he says he actually grew up in the area and went to high school around here. Good good, great for you, nice, ok, gonna go now. So I say 'oh right, so you know the area, it's all good'. He then rejoins 'yeah, cos I'm a roadman'.

Now, I'm offended. I wonder how this is different to those neighbours in the hamlet asking their black neighbour if they are drug dealers, because to me this man is looking at a black woman and expecting she's ok, down with, inline, aligned, god knows, with local road man. Now, I do know what a road man is, but how the hell are you going to try to relate to me on that level, we're NOT ON THE SAME LEVEL MATE. I'm not on this at all.

Reminds me of the time I was looking for schools for my first born and one school I went the teacher showing me around kept on talking about how they can help parents with benefits and what I can and can't get ( I can't get shit, by the way, squeezed middle here). It's just more racist bullshit. I know in both cases if I were white with a blonde bouncing ponytail I wouldn't have been treated that way by those 'well-meaning' people.

Reminds me of so much BS, everyday BS.

It's minor, it doesn't hurt my life chances, but it's offensive. Really offensive. I'm not 16, and even when I was I wasn't impressed by someone telling me they're a roadman. I've seen him around since and he smiles at me like we're friends - we're not.

OP posts:
PompomDahlia · 12/02/2021 22:44

Yuck. Sorry @Sugarintheplum - these assumptions are such crap. And so detrimental to our mental health.

I've had people at work assuming that I must be underprivileged as a black woman - so talking about kids from poorer upbringings and sort of giving me a knowing nod. Actually, I went to private school - a firmly middle class upbringing thank you! When I was younger I've had white people at parties assume I would be cool with smoking weed, when in fact I've never had any desire to touch the stuff.

In fact, just today I was doing a telephone survey and the guy was insistent on ticking 'white British' for my identity, possibly because I sound a bit posh (apparently). He was really taken aback when I told him to tick 'Black'.

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 12/02/2021 23:11

Everything @PompomDahlia said. The worst was showing up for an interview for a student job when I was in uni and the interviewer saying had she know I was foreign (very British thank you -just black) she wouldn't have asked me to come to the interview, she is very good at accents usually and I sounded deceptively local (uh, white British and posh?), but she was going to suspend the interview as they don't hire foreigners.

Ditto the drug thing (when I have never actually even seen an illicit substance in my life and wouldn't be able to identify it).

It's funny how much crap you put to the back of your mind and compartmentalise and recall when others share their experiences.

Sumwin1 · 14/02/2021 18:43

He sounds strange. So he actually told you he was a road man Confused

Olefu99 · 14/02/2021 19:12

I think I'd have laughed if he'd said that to me.

Sumwin1 · 14/02/2021 22:39

@Olefu99 good point maybe the man was joking!

Sugarintheplum · 14/02/2021 23:31

I surely hope so because otherwise he is a roadman who does not know the road code. It really is jokes, I wish him all the best and hope he no longer mistakes me for a confession box... ;p

OP posts:
BlackIsBlackIsBlack · 15/02/2021 12:14

..sell weed.

Shopping the other day, minding my business, and as I'm going to the car, I hear someone say: "Excuse me, I don't mean to be cheek, but do you know where I can buy any weed?"

"No, I don't. And, yes, you are cheeky!".

FFS

BlackIsBlackIsBlack · 15/02/2021 12:16

*cheeky

CruellaDePaella · 16/02/2021 18:49

I have no idea what a roadman or road gyal is, let alone be one. Never heard of it and would probably either stare blankly or chuckle just to end the conversation if I want to be on my way or ask what he means. So I agree with your OP.

CruellaDePaella · 17/02/2021 15:19

I agree with your thread title that was meant to say, not your OP as a whole.

User26272829 · 17/02/2021 15:38

I had the “excuse me, where can I buy weed from?” about 20 years ago, but nothing since. I have had people I don’t know, assume that I must live in a deprived area, be on benefits or in one case be the first to go to Uni in my family. As it happens both parents are degree educated and no to the rest!

BlackIsBlackIsBlack · 18/02/2021 07:20

I have had people I don’t know, assume that I must live in a deprived area, be on benefits or in one case be the first to go to Uni in my family.

Such assumptions!

JingsMahBucket · 18/02/2021 08:26

@DastardlytheFriendlyMutt that’s nuts about the job interview. How did you reply to her? Did you still go through with the interview?

JackieWeaverFever · 18/02/2021 08:40

@CruellaDePaella

I have no idea what a roadman or road gyal is, let alone be one. Never heard of it and would probably either stare blankly or chuckle just to end the conversation if I want to be on my way or ask what he means. So I agree with your OP.
Yeah this.

What IS a road man or road gyal???

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 18/02/2021 10:14

[quote JingsMahBucket]@DastardlytheFriendlyMutt that’s nuts about the job interview. How did you reply to her? Did you still go through with the interview?[/quote]
Well she suspended it so no, the interview ended. I realised halfway through protesting and trying to show her my passport that it was pointless as she was telling me how she worked in immigration in New Zealand and had just got back so she was very clued up on immigration rules (how is that relevant?). I just put it down to ignorance and being in a small town. Anyway I got a student job relevant to my degree so glad I didn't settle for an admin job.

RandomUser18282 · 18/02/2021 10:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JingsMahBucket · 18/02/2021 10:24

@DastardlytheFriendlyMutt holy crap. What a horrible work environment that would have been. Do you mind me asking when that occurred? Hopefully not in the last 10 years. 😕

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 18/02/2021 10:43

2017, in Dunblane (doing postgrad in Edinburgh).

JingsMahBucket · 18/02/2021 11:27

This just keeps getting worse @DastardlytheFriendlyMutt 😞. Well, at least you got a better summer job that was more career appropriate.

Nightnight23 · 18/02/2021 11:36

And people still deny white privilege exists. Pre Covid we stayed at a ‘posh’ hotel. I’d forgotten something so my husband nipped out to a shop at about 9pm for me. When he came back in, reception stopped him and said ‘nobody has ordered a takeaway’. He’s Middle Eastern so another assumption that surely he can’t be staying somewhere like that. I can pretty much guarantee if my Caucasian brother had walked in he wouldn’t have been questioned.

RandomUser18282 · 18/02/2021 12:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

WildBactrian · 18/02/2021 18:17

Personally, I get this more from black communities. For example, I’d never heard the word roadman until last year, and the black person who said it to me couldn’t accept that I didn’t know what they were talking about and just kept repeating it as though I were deaf. So I pretended to understand, then looked it up later. That same person is also quick to tell me that my tastes are ‘white’. They kind of drop it into conversations about different things. e.g. Me: 'He's good looking.' Them: 'That's who a white girl would like.' Me: 'I think I'll deal with it this way.' Them: 'That's how white people deal with it.' Hmm

Some black people think there’s only one way of being black, which means talking a certain way, liking certain music and inhabiting certain social spaces. If you don’t do that you’re not black enough which is ridiculous. I grew up in a black middle class household but am no less black for that. It's why I also don’t like the term ‘white middle class’ because its implied binary opposite is black working class. There’s nowhere in that discourse for my experience.

If the Caribbean comes up in conversation with anyone white, I usually preempt by saying quite clearly that most Caribbean countries have strict drug laws, you absolutely can't walk down the road with a spliff, and people don't spend their days relaxing under palm trees. If Caribbean people were as laid back as their image they'd starve.

Mockolate · 19/02/2021 13:01

@Nightnight23

And people still deny white privilege exists. Pre Covid we stayed at a ‘posh’ hotel. I’d forgotten something so my husband nipped out to a shop at about 9pm for me. When he came back in, reception stopped him and said ‘nobody has ordered a takeaway’. He’s Middle Eastern so another assumption that surely he can’t be staying somewhere like that. I can pretty much guarantee if my Caucasian brother had walked in he wouldn’t have been questioned.
Actually did a Shock I mean, if he'd come in carrying a Just Eat or Deliveroo bag, fair enough lol, but WTF?! I hope he asked "what makes you think I'm bringing a takeaway order?" and watched them hopefully squirm!!
GreyBeeplus3 · 29/01/2026 20:21

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt
That ignorant interviewer probably thought your passport was fake and that you were illegal
Good on you for getting a job you really like and are appreciated in!
Going through this thread starting with
Sugarintheplum the scenario didn't suprise me have known people go back home for a holiday then when they arrive back their asian neighbour has said theyd thought they were serving a jail sentence
Forking Nasty Cheek
As terrible as the white presumptive

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