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Black Mumsnetters

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Are black women distrusting of other races of women? Are black people in general distrusting of other races?

14 replies

DivineRoyalty · 03/02/2021 14:30

We live in a very "polite" country where everyone wants to compete for the moral high ground. I find that other races of women will greet you and acknowledge you at the same time hold a lot of negative views about African people. They will say good morning and have chit chats with you at the school gate and then talk shit about your race with their family at the dinner table. They will have "friendly" conversations with you and at the same time think that an afro is messy, think that African are poor because they are lazy etc...I've had to drop a lot of friendships because of unconscious/concious bias. Do these views about your race bother you or would see yourself as an individual and continue the friendship. My best friend was white as a teenager and she would always tell me how dark some guys were. She said they were too dark for me to date(I am dark skinned as well). She was also very into black guys as long as they were not too dark. How do you deal with women of other races being friendly with you? Does your guard go up or do you just not care, a friend is a friend. That was how I thought but I've discovered that they eventually let out their real thoughts once they get comfy.

Where I say African people I mean black people in general. Wether you are afro carib, afro Brits or born on the mainland, we have African DNA and thats what makes us black. African is my preferred term.

OP posts:
DivineRoyalty · 03/02/2021 14:43

Though I am dark skinned I have ambiguous features and i sometimes get told that " i dont look like other black people". Some women have felt comfortable enough to mock black people with wider nose. I was told by a mixed race girl once that when she saw me from far away i looked like an African, but now that she sees me up close I actually look very pretty"

OP posts:
BlackIsBlackIsBlack · 03/02/2021 19:35

Not you..again!? 😂

Ha, I know better than to fall in to your trap again

WildBactrian · 03/02/2021 19:45

Eh, wot?

Roastednotsalt · 03/02/2021 20:35

I think what you have to understand is some people genuinely do not know some things about other people’s culture. Perhaps as black people we are instantly offended but some people are literally clueless and mean no harm and of course there will be people you meet in life and they do know but just don’t want to know. Big difference.

DivineRoyalty · 04/02/2021 08:11

@BlackIsBlackIsBlack

Not you..again!? 😂

Ha, I know better than to fall in to your trap again

Are you still mad about me saying black women should wear their natural hair. If you like you can start your own thread ( why should black women not wear their natural hair). It will be interesting to hear the reasons.
OP posts:
Sugarintheplum · 04/02/2021 18:07

Depends what you mean by distrusting.

I don't particularly trust any group of white people in positions of power to have my best interests at heart or in mind. I just think history is long enough to have taught me that lesson. I don't necessarily expect them to try to annihilate me, though history has likely taught me that the risk of that is not so tiny.

If I go around thinking and feeling anything else I would just be paranoid, and at the end of the day I live in London, probably a nucleus of many evils being perpetrated. This country being so damn concerned with money above all else.

BlackIsBlackIsBlack · 04/02/2021 19:25

DivineRoyalty

Like I said, I'm not falling for it. Black women can wear their hair however they want. It's no issue to most level headed people.

But like I said, not tonight..

lboogy · 04/02/2021 20:30

I'll bite. No I don't trust other races of women - at least not automatically. I keep my cards close to my chest until I get to know them. Especially in a work in environment.

I try and befriend other black women because there are so few in the tech industry. Some are open to friendship and others keep their distance since they don't want to be seen to collude.

It's such a shame because I see Indian people have no shame about banding together yet when black people do it's seen as some sort of coup.

As for you looking unambiguous, I don't even see how that is possible when you say you're dark-skinned. Yous black girl. Accept it and move on.

Cowmilk · 05/02/2021 15:29

No I don’t distrust people just because of their race. Sometimes even family can throw you to the wolf’s. I simply give other people the chance to earn my trust.

CruellaDePaella · 16/02/2021 19:59

I think if we're to go by our experiences, I distrust everybody because I've had horrible treatments from Black, White and Asian people. I've spent a lot of time with people of different races and have White, Asian and Black friends (and family) but since I've spent more time with Black people, I've had a higher number of bad incidents from them. I'm sure if I've spent more time with White or Asian people, the number would tip towards White or Asian people.

Taking my family out of this to break down my experiences, my bad experiences have been from
Black women,
White women,
South Asian men,
East Asian men & women,
Black men,
White men.

On the other hand, the number of good experiences have come from
Black men,
White men,
South Asian men,
Black women,
White women,
Other Asian men & women.

If I was going by this, things will be confusing because I'd treat Black and White men better and Black and White women worse; and I'd treat men in general better than women but I treat people as individuals, I don't trust easily but I'm always open to each person to show me who they are.

CruellaDePaella · 17/02/2021 15:22

Missed South Asian women in my first list. They'd go after Black men, before White men.

They're part of the 'Other Asian men & women' in my second list.

curlingtoes · 23/02/2021 16:32

Yes! I like to start by saying this isn't everyone of them but I've had shit treatment from white women and it's usually on a coded level. If they were more overt about it, I'd actually be able to tell but since I can't, I don't trust easily till I'm 100% sure, which is near impossible. In my experience, other races are more direct about things so it's easier to avoid those ones who're awful.

DeeCeeCherry · 02/03/2021 05:45

Only ever had 2 White friends.

The 1st ex-friend was ok until she finished with her (Black) man. Then thought it was ok to list to me all that was wrong with EVERY Black man🙄. She also couldn't stand it if we were out and I got attention - I know very well she'd fallen for the hype that when a White woman is present, a Black woman is invisible.

2nd ex-friend is my neighbour, we've been neighbours for years and got on well. Until she got in a parking argument with a Black woman, and called her 'A Black bitch' followed by 'Black people are troublemakers'.

She didn't know I was home, so I heard. Her face was a picture. A picture of tears by the time she heard what I had to say.

I've also gone through the nonsense of White tears at work when retaliating to rudeness.

So that's it. No more. I'm happier and relaxed amongst my own anyway, that was just one of life's reminders.

It's as Muhammed Ali said - if someone told you to put your hand in a snake pit then said oh it's ok, not all of them bite - What would you do?

Bluebirdhumming · 04/03/2021 21:23

Naaah, I'm good, luv, enjoy.

I've seen/read/heard some racist comments from the lovely school mums/soft play mums/birth group mums/colleagues online/when they thought I couldn't see/hear and everytime I haven't been surprised. Just relieved that I hadn't invested anymore than my default when it comes to nurturing those relationships. It's always the same experience. Then it's the "I'm not a racist, my nephew's dad's cousin is black!". Shut up.

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