School gate politics: parents of children who have demonstrated racism

[Sugarintheplum]

Hi all,

I've spent ages on here this morning, so won't belabour the post.

I have a young child in primary school. Another black parent told me that a white child in the class said to her child 'you can't come to my house because my dad doesn't like black people and says black people can't come there'.

Ok, that's one thing. But I sweat to you, now when I see that man I can't look him in the eye. the funny thing is I used to smile at him, say good morning and this man gave nothing back. Now that this has happened (and it's a majority BAE school, btw - yes, i KNOW!), he seeks out my eyes to smile to me. I think it is because he knows he has been exposed, and I can't smile back. There have been other children who have said questionable things to my child 'black people are ugly' etc. In a 4, 5, 6 year old, come on, this is coming from home, right?!

Give me some guidance sisters! Ho who you deal with parents you think are racist?

I would walk up to him and ask him outright! I think his reaction will let you know whether he said that or not.

I don't know how likely it is a child would lie about something like this. I wonder if her dad said that in direct response to her asking? Or is it something she has picked up from the vibe of her home?

I would also (if you haven't already) start having conversations about racism. Such a shame to talk about this with your child at primary school, but it seems necessary if she is unfortunate to be around people whose parents say things like this.

So yeah...first step would be to clarify with the father. His face/response will tell you all you need to know. (However the very whiff of racism would be enough to tell my son he ain't going nowhere near that house!)

Can I ask how you dealt with the other incident where the child said to yours, that black people are ugly? I am sorry that your child is having to hear these sorts of things at such a young age. I would be speaking to the class teacher, if a child said something that their dad said like that to my child 1st hand.

I’m sorry this has happened to your child and you. I would definitely address it with this guy and school also as previous posters have said. Hope it goes well, he does sound like a CF not responding to you previously and now wanting to be friendly with his racist self. KMT

@C130

You can ask! I tried my hardest to persuade her not to play with tat child again. I really did. Might as well not have bothered... She really believed it, which hurt me the most, and despite the YEARS of narrative we engaged her in on her beauty etc these silly little comments from a classmate appeared to blow them out of the water. We started a little campaign, talking very clearly about her beautiful her skin was, one kid had said she was the colour of poo. I said that is true, healthy poo, which is good. We looked at the colours of unhealthy poo online..... We fielded responses from others, basically everyone in our lives got in on it. She is now fully brainwashed that black people's skin is amazing.

The mum of the child is always sweet to me and appears to have limited English. I say hi to her here and there, but I wonder what is going on in that home for the child to express those kinds of attitudes, so I have told my child to stay away from him if he ever starts to say anything silly like that again, to tell me tell the teacher and to tell him in no uncertain terms that he is wrong and he racism is a lie.

I brought it to the school they did some lessons on appreciating everyone, circle time etc. They questioned some of the children and none of them corroborated what mu child said she had heard so they said they couldn't take it to the parents (rubbish in my opinion). This was not right in my opinion. It is not the children's attitudes that should be targeted first and foremost, it is where they are getting it from.

I told some of the other parents I will report parents who raise racist children to social services. You are doing a great harm to your children if you raise them to have those attitudes in London - you're putting them in great danger. Saying these things in primary school is one thing, saying anything like it in high school and you would be physically in danger. The time for raising racist kids like that is without a doubt OVER. You are certainly disadvantaging your children if you do that.

How horrible for your little DC!
Skin is not the colour of poo, even healthy poo!! I know you meant to defuse the situation or put humour into it but a child will internalise this. Maybe her skin is the colour of a nut? Or a leaf? Or a tree? Or the earth itself - maybe that’s the sort of “poo” the other child meant! So many gorgeous things it could be the colour of!! She should own it, have such confidence in it that she is astonished if others try to put her down.
Much easier said than done though, I know, as of course the real issue isn’t the comment itself but the nasty intentions behind it.
Saying to parents that racist comments will lead to violence may not help though (even if I can understand why you said that).
It must be very tough to deal with OP, and so sad to see your DC starting to experience it. But with a mum like you who loves her and tells her how beautiful she is she’s got some pretty good armour🌳🍁🌸