Struggling with Newborn

[Hailesb19]

Hi all - took me a while to post this as not sure if it’s just my anxiety reading into everything. And apologies for the long post! I have a 4 week old son, he’s my second, I have a little girl who’s 4. We purposely waited for a longer gap as I personally couldn’t have two under two. I had a very stressful pregnancy with sickness, girdle pain, extreme tiredness and pre-eclampsia. I was induced and had a very quick birth, but no major problems. He was an absolute dream for the first two weeks but recently I am struggling to cope. He just seems so unhappy and everything I do I feel I’m failing him. He was breastfed but I wasn’t producing enough so we topped up with formula until we fully moved him to formula. He was suffering with spit up, fussing at bottles, wind & pain after so Dr’s prescribed him Gaviscon for suspected silent reflux and it seems to be working as hes not as inconsolable burping and after a feed. (He used to screw for hours). I follow a few mums on socials that have a baby the same age as mine and I’m not going to lie it’s making me very jealous! They all seem very settled, happy & feeding well. He will only have 1.5oz - 2oz bottles every 1.5/2 hours, won’t fall asleep in a milk coma like some do, and never seems satisfied or content after. I’ve tried to leave him longer inbetween feeds and upping to 3oz/4 but he doesn’t want it. He used to do 10pm feed, 1am feed and 5am feed which we were very lucky with but the last week it’s been every 1.5 hours and he only wants a top up of an oz. We’re wasting so much milk and also getting quite sleep deprived now! As after we have finally burped him (which takes about 20 mins of hysterical crying) it takes a good half an hour to rock/soothe him to sleep. This is in the day time too, I find im spending most of my days washing bottles and rocking him to sleep! Then I put him down and he cries until I pick him back up again. I’ve tried the pram, car seat, swing, Moses basket, sling, swaddling, white noise…you name it I’ve tried it and he doesn’t seem to like any of it! I haven’t left the house on my own yet as the times I’ve been out with hubby he’s screamed the whole car journey & pram! He cries most of the day and his wake windows don’t consist of calm and a bit of sensory but just crying and fidgeting until he gets overtired and we’re in a battle to get him to sleep. Today for example, he woke at 8am, had 2oz, changed and got him dressed for the day, rocked him to sleep and he slept on me for 20 mins, went to put him down so I could shower and look after my DD and instantly he cried hysterically. Had to ignore him whilst I quickly got dressed and it took till 11.30 until he finally went to sleep again after pacing round the house & rocking with a few 1oz top up feeds, slept for 1 hour, the same again from 12.30 till 2pm and he managed to do 2 hours on me. 4pm Woke and bathed him, 2oz bottle and he fought sleep until 7pm and we’ve finally got him settled on dad. I know he’s not getting enough sleep but I’m not sure how I can get him to sleep anymore all he does is cry and get himself worked up, he does that purple holding breath cry too which is horrible!
just at the end of tether now as I feel he’s not comforted by me, he’s so unhappy and spends most his day crying. From getting changed, putting him down, burping, farting ect…the only time he doesn’t cry is when he’s asleep! Is he just a normal 4 week old and I’m just overthinking it? Or should he be more settled and content by now?
thank you!! X

Have you tried a different brand of formula? Perhaps the brand you are using is causing him discomfort, I've heard it happens quite often? You are doing amazing and hopefully everything will fall into place soon!

He could be lactose intolerant, worth going back to the gp x

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, from my experience I’ve had 3 kids and this is all really normal, all mine were like this for a good few months, my second screamed for hours in the evening. I found life much easier with a stretchy wrap sling so I could get on with things and baby would fall asleep easier and stay asleep while I was going about my day as normal.

I’d ask the GP for different reflux medication seems like he might be comfort feeding hence the odd 1-2 oz here and there . Also have a look into cows milk protien allergy , your GP should be able to prescribe a hydrolysed formula.

You’re doing amazing it’s so hard to figure out what’s going on when they are so unsettled

All I can say is I feel your pain. My second was a lot like this, it was a nightmare. I looked at my caffeine consumption and cut it down to one coffee in the morning. After that life was easier, whether it was related or not I don't know. I did have her in the carrier a lot, though a trip anywhere outside was out of the question. I think the feel of the pram, or even the air just annoyed her. She did love being held over my shoulder, then eventually facing out the way to see all what was going on. I think she was just really sensitive, still is. If I could go back, I would tell myself to hunker down, go with her flow and sleep whenever possible. It will get easier. And as others have said, speak to GP again, and talk to your Health Visitor. Good luck!!

My first was like this. It was really, really hard. I second the posters saying look into CMPA - this seems to have been the cause of my daughter's silent reflux and much of her distress, things got way better when I cut dairy from my diet (I breastfed) and it cleared from her system. In her case she was quite spotty and had some very mucusy poos that were initially diagnosed as gastroenteritis. She grew out of her allergy and now at 5 eats dairy happily.

Even if it's just a reflux issue, be assured it'll improve in time as your little one's body matures and gets more functional. It feels bleak when you're there but I promise that in a few months things will be massively improved. Experiment with things like Wedgehogs, return to your GP and ask for all the help and meds you can get. If one doctor at the practice isn't much coping, see another one. We got lucky with a GP who understood that this kind of thing is hell to go through as a parent and knew about reflux in infants. A good one won't dismiss you.

Don’t look at social media. Get a baby sling. Carry your ds as much as possible in your arms as well. All the medical advice about reflux is important to follow up.