Due in June and entering the home stretch - keep the creme eggs rolling!

[makecakesnotwar]

And the Revels, the Greek Yogurt and the curly fries....

We love you Makecakes!!

ok, am close - convince me that the boys won't spontaneously combust now that we're going Munich not Milan, May not August?? And that the house sale will be fine, even if we're in Germany and the house is empty.

And convince me that I am fully entitled to murder my mum.

My favourite idea so far is definitely move and not tell her address. Just got email with some photos, looks fabulous, but still don't know basic facts like no.bedrooms.

I do know (have photographic eveidence thereof) that there's a washing machine, and am assured it's in the house.

dh is overly excited that the toilets flush on recycles rainwater and that the house is solar powered.

Cakey, we love you.

we need opinions, that why we're asking!

any news of friend upsycakesy?

Makecakes sending you love and a big hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream.

Ernest I went into a cold sweat last night thinking what I would do if in your position. I cant think of anything worse post section establishing bf and getting a phone call to say someone wanted to view the house - I remember you saying your neighbours were very good could you maybe persuade one of them to let people in if you house wasnt sold? pay them even I know my washing etc would be floor to ceiling height As for your Mum could you possible persuade her to do a trial on her own with your DH and if she really couldnt cope Pole bum man could join her later? My Step dad would only come cause basically he would want my mum to be running after him as he is a lasy arse!

Upsidedown any word on your friend? I 2nd makecakes why is he reading her texts anyway.

Got a slightly better sleep last night after listening to Relxation CDs on amazon to see if there is any I would like for the birth, back is a bit less sore too so I have to crack on today which will make me even worse tonight roll on JUNE

Makescakes - you make me laugh!
Ernest - her first suggestion is great, but I dare you to go with the second one! Seriously though, I think now is the one time you can put your foot down - the BF attitude is enough reason along imo - effign disgusting behaviour...

Ucake - your friend's situation sounds really bad and but I do think there are two separate issues.
(a) Obviously his reaction to the pregnancy is utterly awful and cruel. But he may come round from this. My DH had a literal panic attack when I got BFP, despite me warning him that I probably was pg some days before, and us previously agreeing that if I ever got pg we would keep it. He completely lost it, was crying and wailing on the floor, barely able to speak for hours. I couldn't believe it and was furious and hurt and scared and all the things your friend is feeling. However... this changed over time and now he is totally excited to be a dad and feels bad about how he behaved. But if you read books about fatherhood written for men, a 'devastated'/ 'our lives are over' reaction is not unusual at all, even if they have been trying - it's just they often hide it.
So in itself, I do think this part of the situation is fixable, particularly as they were trying. Once he comes down off the ceiling he may do a complete 180, even if that seems impossible now. This probably feels like the worst part of his reaction, but it may actually be short lived.

BUT, I do think the second part of the situation is more worrying, ie -
(b) Telling her if she goes to her friends she is 'leaving' him and reading her text messages - from the sounds of it being controlling in their relationship. This is a long term issue which is far more serious in my view. He will probably grow to love this baby in time, but if he cannot treat your friend as an equal I worry about this more.
Is there any other way you can keep in touch with her? She probably feels shell-shocked, isolated and very scared. She needs you and it sounds like you are a great friend to her. Can you email her? Can she set her phone to silent? For now, I do think you need to keep in touch.
I suspect within a few days he'll have calmed down, but acceptance may take longer.

Basically, with my DH, after my BFP he had the panic attack and was depressed for a few days and then started to come out of it. But for a while if he 'caught' me reading pregnancy books etc then he would say 'what are you doing?' And act like I was being ridiculous. After about a week of this I just said to him
(a) You always knew if I got pg I would keep it - and I didn't get there on my own and you said you would support me - well now I'm asking for that support and I need you to give it.
(b) I am going to have a baby in XX months and I want to read/ learn about it without feeling like I should have to hide the books to spare your feelings, or that I'm doing something wrong or being ridiculous. Get used to it.

He apologised but I could tell he still wasn't happy about the idea, so I just didn't ask him how he felt and got on with being happy to be pg.
Then, about a fortnight after I discovered I was pg, and had already been in for a scan at EPU due to a bit of spotting, I lost a bloodclot late at night and we rushed to the hospital for me to get checked out.
He says now that is when he knew that he did want the baby deep down - even though at the time he was telling me he was only worried about me (which obviously hurt too). He said that then it seemed like a real thing he could lose and he realised everything was going to be ok in the end.

Your friend is currently in a terrible situation - but these first 24 hours do not necessarily signal how her DH will be throughout this pgy. She needs to stand up for herself and remind him that they were trying and this was a wanted baby. I suspect he will come round but it may not be immediate. With DH the first ultrasound really sealed the deal, but your friend's DH may need more or less time.

If you want to PM me about this please do - my DH's reaction is not exactly typical, but I think often men think these things and don't say them. Hopefully it will be ok in the end.

xxx

PS. Sorry about the novel everyone else

Morning all,

U-Cakes - your poor friend. My DP had a mini freakout when we found out - He called his mother from outside the jewellers panicking because he didn't realise engagement rings were so expensive! He also called a friend who is in the same situation (his DP is due any day now) and he helped to calm my DP down. It did take a couple of weeks before he warmed to the idea - now I can't get him to stop grinning. I hope your friend's DP calms down soon, but I think there are still some issues that she will need to address.

Ernest - I'm sorry about your mum and her DH. I agree the last thing you need is someone with those sorts of attitudes cramping your stlye and time with your new baby.

Can I have a rant too?? We had a South African friend of a friend stay with us last year for a few weeks when she moved to London - she stayed with us while she found a job, somewhere to live, generally while she found her feet in a new town. She was a nice girl, but was overtly racist (comparing the All Blacks Rugby Team to monkeys ), and we weren't unhappy to see the back of her after a month or so. She has now gone back to SA, so we won't see her again. My DP has just called me from home to say that Royal Bank of Scotland called our home asking for her. He is now worried that they will chase us for any debts she has. I tried to explain that debts are attached to a person, not an address and that her credit rating won't affect ours, but would he listen? NO!!

He's since phoned a friend of hers to try and get contact details, who said exactly the same thing, and he believed her! He feels much more relaxed now because a complete stranger told him what I said - but apparently she has more authority! ggggggrrrrrr men!

Hi all, wow Ernest, what a decision to have to make! It sounds tempting to stay until the end of the school year and have nice neighbours around but I think you may regret it in the long run, being settled beforehand will be much less stressful. Besides, you might get on fabulously with your new neighbours! I would also try to put your mum/step-dad off, there is nothing more frustrating than feeling uncomfortable bfing in your own home. My dad is a bit like this, but he doesn't make me uncomfortable, he just takes himself off for ten minutes.

Josey, I am so envious of your mw. As I have previously whinged about at great length, I haven't even met mine yet but I hope she is half as good as yours.

makecakes you've given great advice all round!!

ernest my mum had a loser boyfriend (lorry driver, druggie). she has some issues herself but is a jerk magnet. when she was coming over to help with ds she asked if she could bring him and i said there just wasn't enough room and that i wouldn't be comfortable bumming around in a robe or breastfeeding with him around and that was that. if she couldn't accept it then she couldn't come either. she was po'd at first but decided she'd rather see her grandson born and bear his wrath for going without him. in the end they split up before he was born (thank God) but i felt i really had to put my foot down! also if i were you i'd get the move out of the way - less of a shock for everyone including the little one when the times comes. selling the house will find a way of working out.

updwncake it sounds horrible what she's going through, dh def threw a wobbly when i got pregnant with ds (even though we planned it) but came around. what i don't like is that it almost sounds as though she's scared of him and that is definitely not good!! it's a shame she's so far away.

had midwife this am and all good. she was really nice and will be my normal midwife now although she said herself the chance of her being at the birth are pretty low. she told me how they set up for home birth and booked a 40min appt to discuss my birthplan at 34 weeks, all very exciting. heard a lovely heartbeat and ds actually behaved himself the whole time!

if only my crotch didn't hurt so bloody much i'd be on cloud nine.

Ucake- oh your poor friend! And here I thought my DH was a bit of a bum as when I told him I was pregnant the first time he said "couldn't you have waited to test until after 8 in the morning?". It was early and I wanted to be excited.... It took a while for DH to actually connect pregnancy with fatherhood too - it's not as real for the guys as it is for us.

ernest - I'd be keen on moving before the birth - does that mean your DH would be around a lot more? And do put your foot down about your mum bringing her husband if you don't want her too. It's important for you to feel comfortable!

My dad was a bit shy when he first saw me breastfeeding but he very quickly got used to it and was really comfortable around my boobs. It was strange when we stopped to think about it - but at the time it felt perfectly normal.

Nettiehay - re youe DP - mine does EXACTLY the same thing! I tell him something, he doesn't believe me. Then his step dad tells him and suddenly it's 'well XX said it so it must be true'. ARRRRG

thanks greenfairy - it's nice to know I'm not alone!

Thank you all for your support for my friend. It's helping me think through the situation and advise her properly. Can't really talk about it in real life except with DH as everyone knows her.

Green fairy thanks for your novel. I think you've completely put your finger on the two issues. I have always been worried about him being controlling, but over Christmas, he seemed much more relaxed. It seems that when he is feeling out of control, his reaction is to button her down more. They share a mobile phone so him reading her texts is understandable but still crass. I sent her a v anodyne text this morning and reply was that he is still cross, but she is OK. We have a call scheduled this pm.

I have always worried about him bring controlling, but she never makes excuses for him iyswim - she's completely honest about it, and I've heard her talk to him about it too. So I feel like she's accepting of her situation and my job is to support her as she needs it.

Ernest, like you need more stress! LOL, it's a good thing none of us are ever likely to meet him as he will now be forever referred to as 'pole-bum man'. Is your mum likely to come round once hse has had a chance to think about it? I'm sorry about your mil. You must really miss her in this situation. I would move now too if you have the energy.

Nettiehay, SAffers. Grrrr. My friend's DH is a South African. Australians on the other hand are lovely charming people, also Canadians, Kiwis, Germans, Americans, Austrians, Canary Islanders, the Dutch and the Swiss. (Phew. Think I've got everyone.)

xx Upside

Well, you remember the Spitting Image song "I've Never Met A Nice South African" don't you

Upsidedown - Your poor friend, and also poor you. Like Makecakes, whilst reading your messages I just wanted to swear about the g1t! It's horrible for you to be so far away from her when she's going thru this, but I agree with the other posts that the text thing is a bit strange and very controlling.

DramaQueen - Perhaps the yellow will grow on you...? It's funny that the colours we choose for nurseries aren't those that we necessarily choose for our own rooms. We're planning on line green if the house move ever goes through for example, but I'd never choose that for my own room! So perhaps it takes a bit longer to get used to it. Let's be honest, once the LO's born, the last thing you'll be worrying about is the colour of the paint.

My friend/colleague became pregnant at exactly the same time as me and told the team we jointly manage after when she was about 8 weeks gone. Unfortunately, she lost the baby. I didn't tell anyone until I was 3 months gone and was terrifed to tell her. But she was absolutely fantastic about it, she was so selfless. Just found out today that she thinks she has had another M/C last night after having had a +ve preg test this week. I am feeling so sad for her, that's 2 M/C's in 6 months.... I don't know if it's hormones or if I understand what she's going thru a bit more this time, but just want to cry for her today.

Ernest - Your mum can come, her other half can't. That's it. Say 'Sorry if I'm being unreasonable Mum, but that's pregnancy hormones for you....' Alternatively, how about saying that everyone that comes has to clean the new house for you - if he's as old fashioned as you say he won't come near!

Hope the sore bums/crotches are doing well.

Ernest - move before the baby is born, helps to make a place seem like home and it gives you something to talk about and encourages people to want to be your friend. It is a good substitute for scintilating conversation too, so makes the early stages of new friendships much easier. I speak from experience. Being new in town makes me much more interesting than I usually am

I can't advise on the issue with your mother as the closest I have ever been to that situation led to us being ostracised for 2 years.

I've spent the morning with a friend who is lovely but perfect and am feeling inadequate.

Makecakes - we love you . I am not feeling unloved so much as brave and plucky. DH is coming home tonight after working in London on a Very Important Case, talking to all sorts of Clever People and I suddenly feel the pressure to be a perfect wife (a Rock!) whereas I feel like a weeble. But I am bearing up. It will be nice to see him though.

Rolf, I feel like I look like a weeble!

pregnancy hormones really suck IMO, makecakes I hope you're feeling a bit better!

PregnantPenguin - your poor colleague - what a tough time she's had!

U-Cake - yes, we have some lovely SA friends, but some others leave much to be desired! I'm pretty sure you managed to get everyone else in on the list of nationalities - we are a very multicultural thread!

Rolf - I'm glad you said you feel like a weeble - me too! My FIL is v. fond of calling me that (in a light-hearted way) but then he always apologises in case I am having a hormonal day! As the father of 4 he is aware how pregnant women can change their moods quickly!

Hi there, just joined mums net today, i am due june 13th so 27 weeks. Getting big and tried now. Its taken me ages to find the top of this thread, all i could find was posts from 25th feb hahaha

Hi Wombat - welcome! From your name, can I guess you are another Aussie?

No from England, just my nickname from my baby days!!

Hello everyone
I have been completely out of it for a week as DD had chicken pox and I lost the ability to use a computer for some reason. Have been constructively using my time back in the office today to catch up on hundreds of posts - I seem to have missed quite a bit!
So just to add to the rant catalogue -
*** to the buggers who stole DH's brand new bike from the station yesterday. It's not like it was a super expensive job but it has taken him months to get the enthusiasm up to cycle instead of drive and on the first day it's gone.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Hey ho.

Fair enough! Just not a lot of non-Aussies would call themselves a Wombat! (You may have guessed I am one!)

Oh Jood - I'm sorry about your DP's bike - my DP had two stolen in two weeks! Ggggrrrr on your behalf!

Rolf, sorry you feel like a weeble. I actually look like one if that helps?

wombat 80, welcome! Do tell us a bit about yourself - any kids already? Live in UK? N/E/S/W? Working? etc etc. We can be a nosey bunch

Pole bum man sounds funny but really way funnier than he is. Honestly, I've got nothing against the man, but he has no personality, no conversation and is about as up tight, stilted ad painful as it's possible to be (he's only mid 40's too! Officially a 'toy boy', but again, blimey, that puts a whole fun dimension on him that does not exist. At all.

I have decided, thanks to you all (think 100%?) to move to Munich before . Yikes. Have told dh and he's been onto a removal firm. I guess it all depends on when we can get organised. The boys have 2 weeks holiday last 2 weeks of April, so I guess they'll finish school mid April then start new school beginning May.

Big headache re mum & step dad. Can see to her getting relly humpy about it. She had the hump with me for months a while back cos she was jealous at how close mil was to the boys, how much more she saw of them etc. The fact she's only been here to visit us 3 times (have lived here nearly 8 years), and mil used to come every 3 months or so. She doesn't seem to realise she needs to spend time with them We go to her house every time, cos me driving from Zurich to Dorset with 3 kids is so much easier than her hopping on a flight from heathrow on her own for a couple of days Her house is strangely like a shrine to the kids - tons of pictures up, yet whenever we do make the effort to visit she still goes into work full time (she is the boss, well her & her dh joint) eats her dinner in a different room to the boys, bungs on the tele, ignores them, then moans at how they've worn her out!! grrr.

I will not mention her again - my blood pressure is rising rapidly!

pp, sorry about your colleague .( these things always seem worse whn you're pg, cos you get a real sence of what they've lost/feel a bit guilty sat there with your bump (well, that's how I felt anyway) my bf couldn't get pg, tried for years I remember telling her I was expecting another baby (ds2) and she cried indignantly "But you've already got one!" I felt so for her. She's since adopted a really lovely little boy, but it's been hell for her.

Hope everyone's nether regions bearing up. FIL is flying in (remind me to tell my mum, fancy that, flying to see us, for no good reason - the 2nd time this year ). House is immaculate (preen) so just time for a cuppa and put away the shopping.

Any useful tips for getting ready for moving abroad in 5 or so weeks. deb - can you remember? You've done an international move more recently than me? I just remember LOTS of customs forms (graon)

Another thing about having baby in Germany, was slightly concerned about the time involved in getting Swiss birth cert, then applying for british birth cert, then british passport, at least we won't have to worry about tim if I have it there)

Hi there, yep this is my first baby and it's still not quite sinking in even though baby bean is kicking like anything!!! I live in SW England and i am a NICU/SCBU nurse. Looking after prem babies the same gest as my own is really strange, i keep looking thinking thats what i have in my belly!

Ernest - wow good on you for moving, i can just about walk up my stairs!