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Birth clubs

Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

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Original poster

anyone choosing not to have their husband at the birth?

12 replies

swerver · 08/11/2007 14:53

I'm thinking of going solo, even though I know he'd be as supportive as any man alive, because I am squeamish/modest and would rather get it over with, minus the distraction of wondering what he must be seeing/thinking etc.

Any thoughts?

Thanking you!

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crokky · 08/11/2007 14:58

Seeing as you are going to be the one in labour, you need to be as comfortable and relaxed as possible so I do think it is your choice who is/isn't there. The delivery room is not something that all men actually want to see anyway so if I were you, I would discuss it with your husband and see what he says to your suggestion.

I would have him nearby in case you change your mind whilst in labour.

Rumpel · 08/11/2007 14:58

You will neither care nor think what he is thinking at the time!

My Mum was there too. She arrived the next day and let my DH have a rest/sleep for a few hours and ran and got him when she could see DD's hair/head appearing so he could be at the actual birth. Hospital policy only 1 person allowed. My DH is mega squeamish and he was a fantastic support and help. In fact I only got to hold her (and she was very clean when she came out - no poo, vernix or blood) for about 5 seconds and then had to pass her to DH as I vomited so much! Just get your DH to stay at the top end, or ask your BF or Mum to come too.

Original poster

swerver · 08/11/2007 15:07

Well, frankly my best friend would rather die!! And my mum will be around but I'm not planning to have her in the delivery room either.

My husband is absolutely fine with my decision and of course, I will have him there to walk me around etc. and keep me company for all except the actual birthing. I've asked the midwife if she is ok with this, and she says yes.

I'm just concerned in case there may be something I'm overlooking...

OP posts:

Rumpel · 08/11/2007 15:14

Wel if that is what you want but as crokky says - you may change your mind on at the time so have him very near by! It is a lovely experience to share though - we often talk about it and DH gets all very emotional about it.

Original poster

swerver · 08/11/2007 15:15

Ahh, that is very cute. How many times have you done this?

OP posts:

Rumpel · 08/11/2007 15:58

Just once! Hoping to do it again in about 9 months time though. I'll know for definite on Sunday. Must go as dinner to make ...

Lulumama · 08/11/2007 16:00

is this your first baby? if so, i would have DH outside the birthing room, in case you change your mind

he might find it hard to leave after he has been with you for the rest of it

also, you might really need his support for the pushing, which can be long for a first baby

have you thought about having a doula ?

smcg · 08/11/2007 16:08

Hi Swerver. Funny, I was just thinking about this today. I feel the same as you and so does my DH! I do want him around though in case I change my mind.

Original poster

swerver · 08/11/2007 16:20

Hurrah! How long I have searched for someone like minded. It does make a difference in terms of giving me permission to be different. However, if this is your first, like myself, we could be misguided. Midwife is so unfazed by the prospect though.. and after all, it was the norm until say, the 70's...

I havent looked into a doula, dunno how common/accessible they are in Ireland and indeed they too might be just a distraction.

OP posts:

smcg · 08/11/2007 16:45

Yes, it is my first also so I may change my mind! I was initially considering a doula too but decided that I'd rather have my DH and evict him if/when I want.

LOVEMYMUM · 23/11/2007 18:21

Am pregnant with my first and DH is not sure he wants to see delivery (even if he is at the head end). Am not sure if i want him to see the business end as he may not want to have sex with me again! Have told him I want him to support me through labour but being there for delivery is totally up to him. Will have my mother there anyway. Dad may take DH out for a curry!

spackcat · 25/11/2007 19:55

For what it's worth you should do whatever makes you most comfortable - you need to be as relaxed as possible as this helps you to cope with the pain and speed up labour. Certainly have dh close to hand though if you change your mind - it can be a really scary time and having someone you know well makes for great support, maybe a female relative or friend would be a better option?
Having said all that it can create a truely wonderful bond between your dh and baby if he is there as it blows them away and any thoughts about your lack of dignity are completly wiped away by the enormity of the situation-it's a whole new human life you have created, that's no mean feat! My dh was awe-struck at the birth of our son and it really hit home to him what I went through to bring our child into the world. As a result I believe it brought us much closer together because we shared a unique experience - and he had a whole new respect for me! Good luck in whatever you decide & hugs!

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