Missed out on antenatal classes, first timer. Help!

[Hollyberryboo]

Be gentle, this is my first post.

So, with work and everything I only looked at sorting out antenatal classes last month, but unfortunately I've missed out on all that's on offer and I'm due on the 17th March (even the NCT ones). I'm on the waiting list for my local hospital (RVI - Newcastle), so my fingers and everything else are crossed. My question is, is there any other support available (online and offline)? Are there any online resources you would recommend that go through the essentials that I'll need? Is there something for my other half?

Some context: honestly, I'm starting to panic. I'm mainly panicking about my other half, who is pretty clueless when it comes to child rearing (I have a little experience as have three younger siblings and I was old enough to be involved), I'm panicking about the fact none of my close friends have children or are trying to conceive, I'm worried that my family aren't close (a long bus ride away), I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed with everything and concerned about the impact on my mental health (having had previous bouts of depression and ongoing anxiety, both managed now).

Hi,

Hope you're having a better week than when you posted this a few days ago. I think your post hasn't been replied to as most people tend to just post in one thread in this forum - I'm also due in March with baby number 1 and have been posting on the March 19 due date thread (currently on thread 8) which has been really useful. I'd certainly recommend reposting on that thread as there's a lot of 2nd/3rd timers giving us newbie mums advice as it starts to get real rather than theoretical.

We are doing NCT but for what its worth, we've heard from pretty much everyone that you go for the friends rather than the info that you learn as most things can be googled/read about on Mumsnet etc. As long as you get into a routine of baby groups etc post birth then you should be fine in that regard. Are you also doing anything like pregnancy yoga? I'm totally not into yoga at all but started going to meet other mummy friends outside of NCT where I live and it's been good for that, I'm now friends with other people in my situation and we keep texting about "mum things" like "wtf is XXX and do I need it?"... There's some people who are really into it and then others who are there mainly for the exercise and friends rather than because they're really into yoga. I'd definitely recommend looking into that or pregnancy pilates (or any exercise class targeted at pregnant people & then just force yourself to talk to people) if want some baby buddies before you can get to baby groups after the birth.

I'm also concerned about my husband as we are in a similar position where neither of us have changed a nappy and he's never held a baby. I'm comforting myself by thinking it can't be that hard on the basis that everyone else seems to manage and I think we are of at least equal abilities to the average person!! And again there's always Google and trial and error as you won't get it right first time.

We will be ok, we've got to be

Oh also if you're near any shops like Mothercare, John Lewis, Mamas and Papas etc then see if they have an expectant parent event. I've been to ones at Mothercare and JL which were good and I got free stuff, haha. The Mothercare one had talks from various people like hypnobirthing companies (could you also look into that?) and lots of fitness groups as well as advice about car seats, pushchairs, sleeping etc but again it was a good place to meet people in the same position. They're all free as obviously the idea is that you'll buy stuff from there but there's no commitment if you go to the event.

Sorry, me again. We also did a private expectant parents session in JL where they took us around the nursery dept and were really knowledgeable with advice about what to buy now, what to buy after baby is born etc. It again was free and no pressure to buy (you create a list like with a wedding) but meant my husband and I were forced to think about all things baby for 2 hours which was really useful. They also had lots of advice for hospital bags etc.

Thank you so much, that's all incredibly helpful. I spotted the thread (albeit after I'd posted this) and was a bit overwhelmed so just left it (regular feelings right now!).

I had thought about pregnancy yoga, but unfortunately before Christmas was pretty intense at work and I was travelling from Newcastle to London every week, leaving no energy for much else and I think I may have missed the boat now as only nine weeks left. Ill definitely look into the in store events and see if I can find some info about the John Lewis service.

Thanks again!

The main benefit of antenatal classes are to meet a support network of other mums going through the same thing at the same time. The actual knowledge/info is all available on here and heaps of other websites if you just google. I wouldn't worry about missing out on knowledge.

As for the support network if you already have one eg friends with babies, a sister, close family nearby etc then it's no big deal. If not, then just make an effort to go to classes in your local area after the birth to meet lots of local mums and try to get a little group of friends to spend your Mat leave with.

Sorry just read your 2nd para 

Just make an extra special effort to go to all the baby classes you can, and be proactive about asking other parents if they want to grab a cuppa afterwards. It'll be so much easier if you can find a small group of mum friends to enjoy maternity leave with, so you'll need to put on your big girl pants and just be brave enough to ask people. Lots of people will be in the same situation, if even say to new mums when you chat that you don't have family close by so you are trying to meet new mum friends, and then ask if they want to go for a coffee after the class.

I didn't go to any classes, it's not actually necessary, it's just something people like to do. As long as you see a midwife regularly, that's all that's actually necessary. So don't feel bad if you don't manage to find anything.

@Hollyberryboo I didn’t do any antenatal classes with DD1 because we were moving area and my DH worked away at the time. Instead through the MN due date antenatal thread on here, which migrated to Facebook, I got all the equivalent support and we still have our group that we chat on all these years later. I know it feels overwhelming, but I’d really advise you to post on the March 2019 due date thread about joining the Facebook group because I guarantee everyone will be welcoming and I’m sure you’ll get a huge benefit from it.

I did NCT and to be honest the practical stuff isn’t focussed on that much. You’re also not guaranteed a group you will click with so don’t worry about not doing the groups.

Are there any questions you have now that people can help you with between now and when the baby arrives? Maybe ask a few on this thread and people can chip in with some answers

Have you tried Daisy birthing? They do courses and one-off workshops.

Get the Mush and Peanut apps ... it's like online dating for mums!

@hollyberryboo I really don't think you've missed the boat on pregnancy yoga. We are due at a similar time and there's people due the same time who keep joining the class on a weekly basis. I think lots of people have done the same as you and thought ", I need to do something now it's this year" so from my experience of yoga, you're in the majority rather than the minority!

I sat through a two hour antenatal class at about 32 weeks preg with my first baby. I mainly remember being boiling hot and having itchy tights which meant I couldn't sit still.

The two important things we learned were:

1. When baby is on changing mat/ table, always keep one hand on their body so they cannot roll off
2. If you do something slightly wrong, your baby will not explode!

Always thought number 2 was a great bit of advice.

I see you posted this a while back and you're due around the same time as me. If this is a bit late and youve had the baby already congrats!

I wouldn't worry about antenatal classes. I did so much reading and I didn't really learn anything that I didn't from a book. I also took OH which was a huge mistake. He moaned the whole way through and gasped when a rather young looking mum who came to talk to the group about giving birth said she'd just had her 3rd baby. He also wasn't very subtle in hiding his disgust when they were showing lady bits giving birth! Never again!

I found hypnobirthing useful and I am more determined to go to groups after this baby is born, as I left it to the end of maternity leave last time. I haven't moved, but am in the same boat as you - a lot if friends have moved on from the area sadly, so have to make an effort.

You will be fine with looking after the baby. We all feel like it with our first, but I think we instinctively know what they need. Family are always happy to talk about their experiences, so use that as a resource. Libraries also usually have rhymetime groups and books on childcare too.

Hope all goes well for you