Single and Pregnant

[Surprisedmom]

Hi,

I thought I would try to start a thread for expectant mum’s who were doing this solo (intentionally or not).

I am unexpectedly pregnant and on my own after my boyfriend made clear he didn’t want the baby, became very aggressive about me getting an abortion and who I finally broke all ties with after he threatened the baby. I have subsequently moved back to my parents (where I have no friends at all) and am trying my best to stay positive but quite honestly struggling.

I hope other people are in better situations than myself, but would massively appreciate a support group (however big or small) of us mom’s who are on our own. I’m hoping we can discuss some of the highs and lows of our pregnancies/births/early motherhood.

So please join if you are single and pregnant. Equally I would be grateful of any advice anyone who’s been through this before has to offer.

Sorry to hear that you’ve had such a shit time of it OP but glad you e cut ties, he sounds awful and it must have been a huge shock for you.

I’m not PG but didn’t want you to go unanswered. Hopefully sone other PG MNers will be along soon.

If you are feeling a bit isolated, can you go along to the local BFing support groups or playgroups? They will all welcome you while you are still PG, you don’t have to wait until baby arrives. Can you try PG yoga or Aquanatal too and have you booked onto an Antenatal Course? All of these should help you to meet local Mums and Muns to Be

Hiya, hope your getting on ok? I’m pregnant and on my own dd 5/2/19. Been a massive shock as I only recently found out but here I am. Ex complete idiot, in fact not long left outside trying to smash my window. This is my fourth really not planned but i’ll Make sure all is well, we move this week so no more turning up xx

Hello, I'm also going to be a single mum. I found the first ten weeks very hard, dealing with the tiredness and also the grieving process for the little nuclear family I hoped to have. My ex will be part of the child's life, but it is not yet clear how much of a part of it. He now has a new girlfriend which is making communication difficult.

Jt123 It's not funny at all to have a violent partner or ex partner, but I hope you don't mind, your post made me laugh. I had a situation where my ex's new girlfriend compelled him to phone me so she could listen to the phone call. It ended up with me speaking to her and it was all very Jeremy Kyle. I thought my situation was dramatic, but you win with someone trying to smash a window.
Seriously though, have you managed to find somewhere safe? It sounds like a very abusive situation and I know those can be difficult to escape from. I hope you have managed to find somewhere peaceful and safe for you and the baby.

Hiya, yea to be honest I often find it quite funny that he seems to think he’s the hulk, all because I chucked his trainers and shoes in the recycling because I heard him calling some woman baby girl - I personally think it’s more than viable. But anyway yes, I’ve got to go pick up the keys today so just hopeful he doesn’t turn up starting his crap while I’m trying to leave I have an 11,6 and 1yr old so it’s really quite stressful but hey ho - fresh start, new beginnings - how has everything been with u? Xx

Hiya @Jt123 and @cornflower1 it’s lovely to know i’m not the only one going through this.

I have also had to move away from my ex because he got violent with me (I called the police) but thankfully he now has literally no idea where I am in the world and that’s how it’s going to have to stay. I hope jt123 that you are now moved and safely away from your ex too.

Like you said cornflower1, I think there’s a lot of grieving for the nuclear family we’re not going to have. I know my baby is better with 1 good parent than with an abusive (or just useless) one around, but it’s hard not to feel guilty that i’ve failed at the first hurdle - giving baby a whole family.

That being said my gran (who’s well into her 80s) really surprised me as she said in her day you just had to marry the wrong’un if you got pregnant and it’s much better that I do it alone. My gran is usually pretty judgemental so it was reassuring to know that even she can see the good in being a single parent.

Aww that’s so nice to hear from ur gran, in all honesty whether your with the man or not the up bringing of the kids is down to us. Thank you, I’ve literally moved all my stuff in I’ve sorted carpets and flooring to be laid Wednesday when I officially move in so staying with my mum until then. I’m absolutely exhausted and just got into bed with my youngest and got a feeling I’m going to have the best night sleep in a long time. How’s your pregnancy going? Are you enjoying it? I was really down to recently and actually now getting really excited that I’m going to have 3 boys and my daughter xxx

@Jt123 I hope you did get a good night’s sleep and that you didn’t too much moving yourself. I paid people to pack and move, but even just watching them tired me out.
It’s lovely that you know you’re having a girl. I don’t know yet and can’t wait to find out in about a month’s time.

My pregnancy has been fairly easy (just some early bleeding that was scary but was nothing to worry about). I only really started being sick the week it all kicked off with my ex, so I think it was stress related really. Otherwise my major symptom is just constant tiredness - I could sleep for England I think! Had 9 hours sleep last night and could still go back to bed now if I wanted.

Aww that’s good to hear, well I’m having a boy I’ve got an 11yr old daughter and 2boys 6 and 1. I’ve just got bk into bed after a full on day, I have to try to decorate 3 bedrooms and a hall way by Wednesday so I’m guessing until then i’ll Just be on the go. Have your ex been in touch? Mine keeps calling from different numbers but I haven’t been answering so I’m going to sort a new number out ASAP - I’m just so happy to be out of my flat as I felt like a sitting duck. X

@Jt123 i’m glad you’re in your new place and (as long as you don’t push yourself too hard) getting it all painted and homey will be nice too. I love nesting in a new home. Changing your number is a good idea. My ex hasn’t called in weeks and he was never one to call obsessively, so i hopefully won’t have to change my number. I did screenshot and date the repeated calls he made on one day though and the voicemail he left me saying he was waiting for me at the train station, as I thought it might be useful evidence if he does ever chase for child access. At least then I can show he was harassing me. I think, though, he’s going to leave me be for now.

I don’t know if anybody is, but to anybody wanting to paint baby furniture I did a lot of research and found that the rust oleum furniture paint (not the chalk ones though) are toy safe. B&Q sell them.

I’m painting the cot my parents have given me that me and my siblings all slept in. It’s 60 years old and my mom got it for a £1 at a car boot! It’s lovely but I thought i’d give it a fresh lick of paint rather than leaving it bright yellow.

That is sooo nice!! I’d love an old cot. Good to know about the paint. Xx

I may well be single, not sure yet he is shell shocked - bloody idiot. I was already a single Mum, am really old, never expected this in a million years, my youngest is 8 and eldest 18. In many many ways it is easier on your own. I was married to ex for 10 years whilst he shagged anything that moved and honestly that anxiety was worse than anything a mere baby could throw at me

@5fivestar sorry I only just saw your post. I hope your current partner has got over his shell-shock but if not then like you said, you can cope with a baby on your own. I’m almost 30 weeks now and feeling much more prepared to do this on my own now.