Mean mums?!

[kerala]

My DD is 9 months. I still meet up regularly with everyone in my NCT group which has been a great support and good way of meeting local mums.

However recently one girl has started to invite another to do various fun things but in front of others in the group who are very much not invited. Its left me feeling as if I were 13 again and not deemed cool enough to be in with the in crowd!

Is she being rude? Or am being over sensitive? Just never come across people doing this in adult life and have left the last few meet ups feeling a rejected saddo rather than buoyed up by spending time with an inclusive group of people in the same boat as I used to.

Thoughts welcome!

Kerala, it's not nice when this happens and however hard you try not to feel left out as such you always do. I've been in a similar situation.
Ask yourself this. Do you really like these people enough to want to be part of what they are doing? If the answer is yes, then maybe you could make the first move by inviting them to do something with you.
It's perhaps not the best way for them to arrange to do things infront of others but there maybe NO malice in it and you would probably be more than welcome if you said, Oh that sounds like fun, can we join you?

It's not nice leaving a group feeling deflated but on the other hand these groups always end up dividing and smaller group friendships form between them. Afterall we can't like everybody just because we have been pushed together into a group because we have the same things going on in life.

I hope you can sort something out, HTH.

u should come to my dd's school, they worse than ever all got their own little groups sniping about each other behind others back like being back at school myself, have to learn to ignore them there a waste of time just speak to the ones worth talking too.

if I were you, I'd say, just like mrsjaffa says, "Oh what a great idea, let's all go". Then if the 2 of them really want to arrange other stuff, they'll have to do so privately and without being rude to everyone else.

Sounds like it's just one girl who's doing this? The one she's inviting may also feel awkward about it - let's hope so.

I used to be friends with someone that use to sit round my house calling people we knew from school down, things she would not dare say to their face's, basically sh*t stirring, but when I saw these people she was talking about face to face use to make me feel awkward and bad, but since then I've learnt that my friend (now my very ex-friend) also was talking about me to others too and I got so very upset and mad but I thought to myself she REALLY isn't worth it and is nothing but trouble, she forgets I know stuff about her but that would just make me as bad as her. What I say is "with friends like that who the hell needs enemies". Stick to the people/friends that you know you can trust and can rely on forget about the rest, there really not worth it.

Babymad

i also used to have a friend that swore to keep 1 secret and not tell anyone specifically 1 person, but some how within a day, everyone at school miraculously knew my secret funny that

no need to turn a persons private post in to a personal vendetta babymad, i only say what i think, and quite happy to say it to anyones face including yours,

pity you got nothing better to do than listen to hear say, and he says/she says crap instead of confronting ppl face to face about your issues, but why bother when you can do it anonomously on a parent chat room hey!!!

thought we were going about our own business and not going to bother causing a fuss, on a chat room of all places, but then u got nothing better to do have you, and just remember you started all this, and if you want to start personal vendettas"bring it on"

ladies,ladies...

i stated a personal opinion on a post she t started getting personal im quite prepared to stay out her way, seems she likes to keep stirring

I was only giving my person opinion and resent experience, like you! Cant I do that now not everything is about you, you know!

no you weren't, babymad. you were talking about school, not mean mums. it did sound a bit .
agree with the other poster, you should suggest something first if you want to go. or do the 'let's all go' thing and if they really don't want you there they'll have to phone each other in future. or you could find out if they post on MN and post about your grievance whenever you see them...

I'm a really mean mum. I'll not let my daughter eat brown chocolate

To the original poster. I don't think that the people making the plans are necessarily being mean, just a little insensitive perhaps? There's always a chance that they just get on really well and are trying to take that chance of friendship further. Maybe you can suggest a group picnic or something now the weather is getting a bit more temperate? I assume that you're all reasonably similarly located if you're at one of these groups so it shouldn't be too hard to plot. If everyone takes their own grub and meets at the local park it could be a good laugh

Agnes