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Original poster

'Doing it' again after a big age gap - who else?

57 replies

Hopeitwontbebig · 05/04/2007 20:42

Thought it might be an idea to set up a thread for those of us that are having babies again when we thought we were 'done and dusted'!! My youngest is 8, eldest will be nearly 11 when this one's born, due September.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

j20baby · 12/06/2007 19:31

my dd will be 7.5 when lo is born, i think she will be its 2nd mummy as she is baby crazy! i had my friend round the other day with her 2 little ones, 21 months and 3 and i've so forgotten what babies are like, i don't know how i'm going to manage!

Caroline1852 · 12/06/2007 19:33

I have got a 15 year old, an 11 year old, 18 month old and a newbie expected in a few weeks. The big ones and little one absolutely adore one another.

tegan · 12/06/2007 19:37

I have 6 years between mine andI thought dd1 would be a huge help and be a 2nd mum but it didn't work out that way and I have found it really hard work to have 2 totally opposite kids in the house.

j20baby · 12/06/2007 19:40

thanks tegan, you fill me with so much confidence

actually, it could go either way with her, she will probably try to take over, and tell me that i'm burping it wrong or something she's a bit of an expert when it comes to babies apparantly!

tegan · 12/06/2007 19:54

dd1 was like that when I was pg. She insisted on watching baby programmes with me so she knew exactly what was going to happen. Now they are 9 and 3 it is so much easier. They can really fight (physically) but they can also be the most loving kids I have ever known.

Good luck.

j20baby · 12/06/2007 20:02

thanks

dollydonuts · 27/09/2007 14:33

Hi everyone. I'm new to mumsnet.I have three girls ages 12,9,and 6.5.Am thinking about having a 4th but just can't seem to make a decision.I have always liked the idea of having four children,but now that the youngest is 6.5 yrs old it's the age gap that is bothering me.I have been thinking ahead that if i did have another, when it starts school my youngest now would be in secondry school.Part of me thinks if i can't decide then maybe i already have my answer,or maybe these things do take a lot of thinking about.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

fryalot · 27/09/2007 14:38

hi dolly. Welcome to mumsnet.

I've been having a similar dilemma - eldest is 13, then I have a three year old and a two year old. Do I want another just when the youngest is coming out of nappies and they are all just about starting to sleep at night...

Only you and your dp/dh can make the decision, but you have to think about what is important to you. We decided we ARE going to ttc for number 4 because nights out aren't too important to me and having a large family is, and hey, who needs sleep anyway, and the smell of poo can be quite sweet...

Hope you find the right decision for your family, see you around the boards

nlsrhtr · 27/09/2007 17:14

Hi,
My ds will be 15, and dd will be 13 when the new baby comes in late February.

dollydonuts · 27/09/2007 17:55

thanks squork for your comments.We also don't go out a great deal,so wouldn't be giving up regular nights out. Good luck trying for no 4.

dollydonuts · 27/09/2007 18:10

Hi nlsrhtr.How do you feel about having a 13 year age gap?

Reags · 02/10/2007 07:34

Hi girl's,
I'm a newbie on here ......... on the whole the "age gap" thing seems to be a positive for the families involved. I had DS1 just over 10 years ago. Have had a horrible struggle / journey to get to this stage we are at now. Had two ectopics and 5 m/c over the last 6 years so finally resorted ti IVF to complete our family. Glad to say I'm just over 24 weeks pregnant (4th ivf attempt)with a DD.
DS seems to have taken the news fine and is very excited about his new little sis. I just hope it doesn't turn into the "green eyed monster" and he continues to tell me how much he is going to HELP me !! After so long ............. although I cant wait I'm dreading the sleepless nights ect X

lillypie · 02/10/2007 08:08

Hi there,
I have a 21 year gap between my second and third children and it's been fantastic!

I love being a mummy again and my boys adore their little sister.

JJ2ndTime · 07/10/2007 14:27

Hello ladies! I'm JJ and new to mumsnet. My son is 13 and I am expecting my second child end of Fen next year.

I suspect gaps like this occur particularly when ladies change partners? I myself have been divorced over 10 years now and have been with current partner 3 and a half years.

My current partner and my son get on extremely well and my son (too mature for his 13 years!) informs me that he will be my helper with open arms when the time comes! Realistically I expect that novelty to wear off once the new addition to the family dribbles all over his PSP! All the same I am anxious about his emotions around the whole thing as he has never had contact with his natural father since he was just under 2years old (father's choice)

I have chatted with him about my anxiety as we are very close, almost brother and sister sometimes! He advised me further that he will not be jealous of the fact that this child will have on demand access to both natural parents however I have reinforced in him that any twinges of jealousy would be normal and he should allow them to pass and talk to us at anytime!

On a separate not I have deeper concerns for my current partner's soon to be 13yr old daughter. He only sees her every other week and was informed that she bawled her eyes out all night when he told her that I was pregnant. Naturally I expect she wants her own mother to have another child though the thought of her daddy having a new baby must be causing her all sorts of anxieties I'll never understand. She used to visit us every school holiday but I have not seen here since May this year, strangely enough just before falling pregnenant?

In the end I just wanna do right by both teenagers . . . .

Anyone with a similar situation out there? JJx

covenhope · 07/10/2007 14:38

My lot were 21, 19, 17 and 15 when DD2 was born this March. I can honestly say that the very best age gap is 17 years

(No change of partners here either, same parents for all 5)

JJ2ndTime · 07/10/2007 14:47

Oh! A reason to celebrate for sure. . . There is no mistake that the proper design of a family should have all offspring from same couple!

There is just so much to manage as it is with different personalities with the added pressures of half sisters, half brothers, step parent and all the rest!

I AM NOT MEANING TO OFFEND ANYBOBY as I myself am in the predicament of having the modern day split family situation. I have no doubt that we will all be fine and can develop happy children into balanced adults, however they arive BUT we cannot deny there is less to manage relationship wise in the set up that COVENHOPE has.

Anyways, I'm a deep thinker and may be expecting too much with my probing on here, so anyone who thinks I'm loopy feel free to ignore mah messages but anyone with a thought, woudl love to start interacting . . . . . JJx

Scotia · 07/10/2007 14:55

covenhope, I couldn't believe it when I saw your post! I didn't think there would be anybody else like me. Mine were 21, 19,17 & 14 when I had my fifth. Different dh this time though.

LK2boyzma · 07/10/2007 15:44

Hello All,
Just discovered this thread as I have been locked up on the nov babies one. My DS is 8 and am expecting 2nd DS in NOV, I have been struggling with what to buy as it all seems new again!
DS was a bit unsure abt 'this new baby thing' initially, worried that dad was not going to play with him again, but now he has come round to the idea. We are all looking forward to it now!

covenhope · 07/10/2007 20:41

scotia how have you found it? I see from your profile you had girls then a boy. We had girl, 3 boys, girl. It's bizarre isn't it?! Everything's changed!

Are you worried about your DS effectively being an "only"?

JJ I wasn't quite sure what you were trying to say Relationship wise it is certainly easier for us that all the kids have the same 2 parents, but the gap itself causes problems and a change in the family dynamics (like trying to do a Uni visit with a 6 mo baby!)

Ghostashoshabuster · 07/10/2007 20:51

Can I just say, a friend in NZ just had her 2nd baby 28 years after her first!

pennlope1 · 07/10/2007 21:01

My youngest is 7 mths and my eldest is nearley 13 and the two in between are 5 and 10 . The eldest adores the baby it works really well and i haven@t ruled out having another!!!!!

pennlope1 · 07/10/2007 21:04

jj2ndtime just reread your message my eldest hasn't seen his dad since birth ! He is the most well adjusted one in the family but am aware of his feelings with the family setup but he has a great relationship with my dh and it works well!!!

Scotia · 08/10/2007 11:59

covenhope, well i have to say it has been a bit of a shock to the system! Not least because I hadn't realised that boys really can be so totaly different to girls

I was really lucky though that my girls absolutely doted on their baby brother, and at times it was hard to get a look at him myself, lol. They have been a fantastic help when he was a tiny baby with colic - much easier when you can take the floor-pacing in turns.

The two eldest had left home by the time he came along, one had her own flat and the other was off to uni. The third left when he was 8 months to go to uni too. My youngest is still at home and in her 6th year at high school, hopung to go on to higher education next year, but she will be able to stay at home.

At the moment, my dh and I are on the swither about having another baby, but not absolutely made our decision yet.

JJ2ndTime · 09/10/2007 22:27

Thanks pennlope1 . . . sure does help to know there are others in the same boat and as for us all it sure will be life altering mixing nappies and tennage needs, somehow I feel my patience levels will be higher as one is now more mature and got some more tricks up z sleeve!!

mummyloveslucy · 10/10/2007 14:08

Hi, my daughter is 2.5 and I think I would like an 11 year age gap because I could make the most of them separatly and really enjoy them rather than being warn out and stressed. My husband though wants another one soon as he's getting on a bit now. My daughter loves babies and is very maternal so maybee it would be best to have anoher now. I'm sure It will be well worth it in the end.

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