July 2017 #6 - labour here we come

[nat2311]

I think this is how you make one?

[Spindelina]

glitter, is there space for me on that soapbox?!

myname, I think we do mean the same thing.

I'm just very wary of repeating something that could be interpreted as "there are very very few women who have real problems that require actual intervention" - that's what I believed first time round, and it's one of the reasons why I didn't seek the expert help I needed. I believed that pretty much everyone could breastfeed if they tried hard enough, and so if I didn't manage to do it then it must be because I wasn't trying hard enough. That didn't go so well for my mental health .

A truer statement is that pretty much everyone can breastfeed

• if they want to
  
• if they have the right support from friends / family
  
• if they have access to expert support if they need intervention to deal with tongue tie / excessive weight loss / thrush / all the other things that women cannot be expected to deal with by simply "trying hard enough".

[Twixes]

It's kind of scary the misinformation out there about bfeeding. I was also quite taken aback by the amount of people who said they didn't have enough milk etc.. for many I'd say it's case of them not realising that cluster feeding is normal and you will need to bf very frequently. With ff you can expect a baby to go three hours, I don't think I ever got more than two hours between feeds - which is very normal!

I totally agree about it being helpful having a network of people who've bf themselves. My mum bfed 3/4 of us and she was a fantastic source of support. Hearing from her that it's perfectly ok for a baby to feed all the time made it far easier to cope with it all.

This time round I'm considering combination feeding, despite doing exclusive bf with DS. I'll see how it goes anyway as DS had bad reflux and if he'd been bottle fed it probably would've been a complete nightmare. When I stopped bf and switched to bottles the amount of vomit I had to clean up on a daily basis was outrageous!

Anyway, the most important thing is that baby is fed and happy which in turn leads to a happy mum.
💗

[VickyTheStitch]

39 weeks exactly today.

I can't stop eating! Anyone else permanently hungry at then moment?

[Twixes]

I'm just very wary of repeating something that could be interpreted as "there are very very few women who have real problems that require actual intervention" - that's what I believed first time round, and it's one of the reasons why I didn't seek the expert help I needed. I believed that pretty much everyone could breastfeed if they tried hard enough, and so if I didn't manage to do it then it must be because I wasn't trying hard enough. That didn't go so well for my mental health
this was me with DS, I've a bit of a competitive streak and would've seen myself as a failure if I didn't succeed with BF. I'd heard it so many times that everyone can do it if they try hard enough^ so I battled through despite everything.

But now I know can do it as I've proved to myself I can, and I'm definitely less stressed about it as a result. If I ebf, great. If I don't, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

I've a few friends that are judgey Mc judgey pants about bf...I can still see two separate individuals eyeing up DS's bottle when I stopped bf. I still get angry at the thought of it!

[Twixes]

Argh, sorry about the italics, made a mess of that message

[glitterglitters]

Lol of course @Spindelina and I agree whole heartedly with you and @Twixes and @mynameisntLinda it's all down to individuals.

We all have to do what we have to do. I remember thinking that first six months of motherhood (and even now to a degree) is primarily survival and finding how to do that any which way we can.

I think the only major issue I had was with two peers who would ask for help, get offered help, ignore given help and then rant at how nobody helped them.

This was more down to the individuals than breastfeeding though. One of them would then extol loudly whilst I would be feeding my daughter about how bf was "primitive" and should have "died out with the cavemen". She's a ray of sunshine if I ever met one but it's only with hindsight I realise that i should have just ignored her lol.

Also I was formula fed and my two siblings were breastfed. I'm the smartest out of the three of us (and obvs the most modest as well 👌🏼)

[Algebraic]

Haha @glitterglitters I was formula fed as well and I like to think I'm the smartest of my siblings too

My MIL mentioned the other day how they were told 4 hour feeds only (30 years ago) and I said no offence but we wouldn't be taking advice from mothers or grandmothers because too much has changed in 30 years. She surprisingly took it very well. My DM has been the same, asking me what the latest is as opposed to saying 'in my day...'. So I'm lucky in that aspect as I expected it to be the opposite.

I'm wholeheartedly going to try and bf but I also want to top up with formula for my own freedom/drinking needs none of my close friends have kids so I don't think I'll get any judgement if it doesn't work out.

[glitterglitters]

Hehe good plan!

[glitterglitters]

Also @Algebraic just in case, you can drink and breastfeed. No need to pump and dump either. It's more about not dropping the baby than alcohol in milk.

[Spindelina]

Anyway, the most important thing is that baby is fed and happy which in turn leads to a happy mum.
Definitely.

Someone wise once said to me that every parent comes across hurdles. Those hurdles might be weaning, or potty training, or behaviour or a myriad of other things. Or it might be feeding. Just because you face your first hurdle right at the beginning, its doesn't make you a bad parent!

And another helpful thing that someone else (one of my NCT group) said to me was "actually, I found breastfeeding really easy". I had had so many people saying "oh yes, isn't it hard"... in my head the next bit of that sentence is "... but I have succeeded where you have failed". It helped me hugely to realise that different people have different struggles, and what is easy for one person is undesirable, hard, impossible without help or just downright impossible for someone else.

I'm still cycling to work at 38 weeks - that's not actually an achievement, rather it's just luck/genes/whatever that I haven't had any joint pain or similar.

And re alcohol: I have heard from people I trust that at twice the US drink drive limit (this story is from the US), the amount of alcohol in your blood (and hence your breast milk) is about the same as in orange juice. There are many reasons not to give your newborn orange juice; the alcohol content is not one of them. If you are sober enough to pick up the baby you are sober enough to feed them. (Sleeping with them is a whole different case, though).

[glitterglitters]

Someone wise once said to me that every parent comes across hurdles. Those hurdles might be weaning, or potty training, or behaviour or a myriad of other things. Or it might be feeding. Just because you face your first hurdle right at the beginning, its doesn't make you a bad parent!

Ours was definitely sleep with baby #1. We has only just started sleeping through she night regularly at just shy of two years old.

To survive we coslept, I slept
IN her cot (yep!), mattress in her room, fed to sleep and generally made to feel like I was a bad parent. But we did what worked for us and our family and I don't regret it for a minute

Totally agree with your sentiments.

[glitterglitters]

*have

[Algebraic]

Ah yes I'd read about the whole pump and dump and how it isn't necessary. I have a friends 30th in November and plan on going quite wild for that so perhaps I'll do it on that occasion just to be on the safe side

[glitterglitters]

I want to party with you @Algebraic you sound like fun

[glitterglitters]

Side note baby seems to be "spread eagle-ing" inside me. Feels like I'm about to have an Alien moment

I can feel little hands clawing at the bit where my legs meet my torso and everything. Arghhh

[glitterglitters]

And also @LuciBee231015 you're being v quiet

[LuciBee231015]

Sorry not exciting from this end!! Another v.loose bowel movement this morning followed by 3 hours of regular BH. Now nothing again... 😔

[LuciBee231015]

Glitters ive had that spread eagling feeling too funny enough... very odd

[glitterglitters]

Gah sorry! Yeah it feels like they're about to rip out of my stomach.

[Algebraic]

Oh why thank you @glitterglitters I think I'm actually the most sedate one of out my friends so who knows if I'll even keep up but I'd like to give it a shot! (The last 30th birthday was a mini festival in a field where one friend ended up with a head injury so things have been known to get out of hand - we affectionately refer to it as headgate).

[glitterglitters]

Hahaha!! Love it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Notyetthere]

Twixes I think I might get mastitis at this rate. I have managed to keep my right breast drained but the left boob creeped up on me with a grapefruit sized lump that I can't shift with warm flannel and massage. I tried to pump with a handheld pump but my nipples are so sore that the pump pulling on them leaves me in agony. I have been in tears all day too what with baby blues kicking in. Midwife came round and we tried to hand express and massage it but a few drops came out.

Glitter any advice? I'm at my wits end. I will attend a breast feeding support group tomorrow in town but worried more and milk is going to build up in a breast that is already engorged as it is.

[Algebraic]

Ah @Notyetthere that sounds horrid. Have you tried olive oil on your nipples and pumping while in a hot bath? (Read of a few women recommending this). Oh and is the pump shield itself definitely the right size for your breast?

[Lallypopstick]

Another one with the spreadeagling. And some cramps but very infrequently. I'm still at work so baby can stay put a little longer!

[Spindelina]

not glad to hear you are going to the group.

If you feel systemically unwell (fever, chills, headache etc) get on the phone to 111. When I had mastitis, I got antibiotics at 8pm on a Saturday evening.