NCT group

[babyontheways1]

Myself and my partner have been attending a local NCT group for the last few weeks. We are the youngest in the group and pretty clueless when it comes to nearly every aspect of what we are hoping to learn from NCT. Another hope we had when joining the group was that we would have a good group of friends in a similar position to ourselves to meet up regularly with.

I assumed that everyone would be in the same position as us i.e 1st baby and pretty clueless about most, if not all aspects. This is in reality true however the way some of the couples speak you would think they have had several kids already. Its almost like there is a test at the end and it has the distinct feeling of being at a school with the "square" kids but they are now mid 30's and it feels incredibly awkward.

We often split into two groups and do tasks which feature questions on a card which is so intense its unbelievable, like we are doing something our life depends on. In the vast majority of these group tasks myself and partner contribute very little as we don't know and are there to learn.

We have both learned things from going to the group sessions and with one week to go have at least been for drinks with one of the couples that we have been getting on with but we are pretty shocked at how some of the people are in the group. We've made conversation with all couples but the conversation is very one sided and there is a tendency to talk about themselves. There's also quite abit of elitism which strangely one couple managed to get into group conversation in the first week mentioning what car they drive and they repeatedly talk openly about how well off they are.

With one session to go I'm glad we've stuck with it but I can't see us wanting to stay in touch with such intense people who will no doubt get even more intense when the baby comes along and they want it to be the first to walk, talk, be the best at school etc... etc...

I'm just interested to know if anyone else has felt this way with the NCT groups as from speaking to a few people since joining they have had similar feelings, some have also had a completely different group of people who are really caring and not selfish at all and are still in touch to this day.

Sounds about right for NCT I'm afraid - they are a charity for the middle classes. They half-heartedly attempt to reach disadvantaged groups but tbh most of their members' idea of poverty is having only one car!

Its sad that the NCT has this kind of reputation, and it is definitely more "true" in some areas of the UK than others. In our area, in Wiltshire, we have a really lovely branch, and the people who attend the classes and groups are a real mix. You're definitely going to get the odd middle-class twat in any NCT course, but I would just try to keep an open mind, everyone there is just as nervous about child birth/parenting as you are, and perhaps comparing cars is their way of dealing with it. Hopefully you'll make at least one couple you'll stay friends with. Try to find out what postnatal groups your local branch provide - I met all my close mummy-friends through the NCT baby and toddler groups in my area.

This is from years ago - I found the classes helpful & the people clique-y. Some lovely but lots of look how much we have.

Having a baby is a great leveller. They may have done some reading up in baby books and think they know what to expect... but when the baby arrives everyone will be in the same position muddling through!

It's worth persevering, catching up for a cuppa when on maternity leave and seeing how you all get on once the babies have arrived! Nothing to loose.

Not all NCT classes are like this. There is a stereotype about them. However I would say that as you have to pay for them they do tend to attract more well off people. Doesn't mean they are not nice people though!

This pretty much sums up my experience. The couples we met were all really nice, but there was a certain amount of boasting about cars and money. We were definitely the "poor" couple (two academics!) and almost the only ones not to have taken our child to a Disney resort by their 2nd birthday
Our NCT lady was quite odd as well. The only thing I really benefited from was the breast feeding session, which was brilliant (and considering how much BF I've done, probably worth the cost alone).

Did Daisy birthing 2nd time round- much preferred it.

As someone has already said - having a baby is a great leveller. In my group we had two 'have' couples, two 'have not' couples and one couple who were bonkers lentil weavers. But sleepless nights, mastitis, and a post - natal panic/depression meant that we all helped each other and bonded as a group during our maternity year. Now we're all back at work its drifted back to Christmas card contact - but there's nothing wrong with that.

Keep going with it and suggest a meet up just with the mums after for a coffee, everyone is there to meet people.
The snap judgements I made at my NCT class were all wrong and the 'odd' couple have turned into life long friends who I see weekly, it's a strange situation to get thrown into so not everyone will be normal.
Also don't forget just cos you're all having a baby doesn't mean you'll all like each other. Take any other random pick of 8 women and they won't all be mates

I had a similar experience. Definitely the " poor relations" in our group. Didn't really bond with them that much initially and the situation was aggravated when they started going on weekends away that cost more than a month's mortgage to us.

I made much more like-minded-like-incomed friends at the local church mothers and babies group and Surestart.

We had a lovely group and are still in touch nearly 2 years later. However DH isnt as close as some of the guys but we joined for me really as it was a new area and I didn't want to be alone on maternity. My Dsis had a more spread out group who were all much more of the ladies what lunch type.

Our experience was completely the opposite. We all came from different backgrounds with different incomes but that didn't seem to matter much. The whole group of women(bar 1) still meet up regularly and we have joint birthday parties for our kids who will be 4 in may. I think to a certain extent it is just luck of the draw - don't think we would still be in touch if the group was full of a load of showboaters.

I think I was lucky with my group - I'm still good friends with 3/6 couples! None of us are rich either

It's true that all the NCT relationships change once the babies start arriving - things get more real.

I finished my nct classes a couple of weeks ago and our experience was v.similar to yours. Towards the end of week 4 someone made a fb group which some of us have joined but no one posts on it.

Lucy we arranged weekly meetings at each other's houses, which were slightly awkward until babies started arriving and then they got more animated

We had a really good group. Our babies are 5-7 months and we still meet up weekly. I think it's luck of the draw. I would give them the benefit of the doubt and meet them a couple of times when the babies arrive.