Whether to bother with NCT?

[Plumbridge]

As a new member of mumsnet I was wondering if anyone had any view on whether I should bother joining an NCT class at all? I'm 35 weeks with my third and have never seemed to have got around to joining before! Is it worth it this time?

Scotchick and Fatfox, if you're on a low income you can pay a reduced fee for the classes or stagger the payments, and people on benefits can join the NCT for a pound. You don't need to be a member to go to classes or coffee mornings, or to speak to breastfeeding counsellors, so it's your choice whether you join or not.

I agree it's utterly middle class, but it's really self-perpetuating - it has a middle class reputation, so middle class people join and others avoid it.

Same with the breastfeeding reputation - the NCT's policy is to welcome bottlefeeders but encourage breastfeeding where possible, so it attracts people who are keen to breastfeed.

Katierocket, some NCT branches offer refresher classes, but if you just want to meet people it's a lot cheaper to go along to Bumps and Babes/ Open House groups (depending on what's near you).

Thanks Miss hoolie, I will find out about those.I suppose I was thinking that it's easier to make friends if you're seeing people regularly - with some of the baby groups the people who attend can change from week to week and often people turn up with friends already.

Thought I'd just say a couple of bits in favour of the NCT. I suppose I fit into the white-middle-class category, though only just (certainly couldn't afford ski trips, nannies or private schools). My experiences have been mixed and like any group with potentially only one thing in common (a baby) you can't expect to like everyone. When pregnant with dd2 I ws giving up full-time work so thought I'd best see if I could find some new friends. I'll split my bits into a couple of posts as I will do one bit about antenatal, one about coffee groups and one about general NCT!

Yeah, when I referred to 'different opinions' it was to do with those sorts of conversations, fatfox, about huuuge 3 bed flats being too small, how difficult it was going to be to choose a private school and slating nurseries that didn't prepare home-made tuna bakes for lunchtime.

When I moved to a town (rather than city centre), the group was a better mix so I think to some extent it depends on the area you live in.

Antenatal clasess - yes, v expensive but they are very good if you can afford them. They get booked up VERY quickly, so put superstitions aside and reserve a place early - in some areas people at 16 weeks have been too late to get on the relevant course.

There are not enough trained teachers - these people are not just NCT members who think they know something, the training course is a good couple of years of hard work, studying medical and emotional issues surrounding pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/early childcare. (I know someone who is training at the moment).

For anyone on low income/income support etc it's always worth calling and asking what they can do re fees - remember, they don't know who you are on the phone so don't feel embarrassed asking, they certainly wouldn't let on to the class that you paid less.

KR- I wanted to try and meet baby mums with ds3. No refresher classes near me and I decided I didn't want to do the whole NCT class thing again. I joined, went along to coffee mornings in a church hall once a month, met some people I like (but barely see), then the coffee mornings folded - not enough of a turn out. So I hosted a couple of bumps and babies but they were all 1st time mums and did my head in a bit, so I didn't do that again.

I now take ds3 to a music/activity class on Mondays, no-one talks to me there (one of those places- I look like a ridicuous cheshire cat), and have gone back to friends I already have. Which is fine. DS3 is starting nursery in Sept (one day a week) and will see other children at his childminders (once a weekish), so I'm not too concerned about finding him playmates (he has ds2 anyway).

Perhaps try some NCT open houses, if you find people you like hoorah, if not just don't go back.

Hi JJ - yes it's difficult isn't it. All my friends have children in school plus much older tolders. I have images of myself stuck at home with newborn or sitting alone in a room of mums at one of those awful baby group things. Ideally could do with meeting mums in similar situation but guess it's not easy. Like you I'm not sure I could bear to go the 'proper' NCT classes which are aimed at first time mums.

COFFEE MORNINGS - try them and see. Remember, you may only have one thing in common (a baby) so you can't expect to click with everyone.

PHONE FIRST - if you get a list of dates for your local groups from the NCT, it's only polite to call before turning up at someone's house (assuming you have a phone number given to you for the area rep, or the host that day). Apart from that, the dates may have changed if that person had to go out, so you'd have a wasted journey.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE ONE, TRY ANOTHER - first one I went to with dd2, very lentil & hippy, kids only allowed sesame sugar-free biscuit things while addults scoffed choccie biccies! Militant mums, full on politics - not me! Second one - group of similar mums, some breast some bottle; some part-time work, some not. Still meet up 3 years on.

I just ended up socialising with my current friends- it was fine, took ds3 with me. He started doing odd mornings (irregularly at first, then 2 mornings per week in term time) at a childminder when quite young (so I worried less about him "socialising"- bit of an issue for us with ds1 in the house), but he loves playing with ds2 as well. They're very close.

Tbh a lot of NCT teachers don't like mixing second or third timers with first-timers because it makes the group dynamic really wierd. That's one reason why refresher classes are done separately.

And the first timers would drive you mental anyway

NCT IN GENERAL - yes, fees probably do mean mostly middle class unfortunately. But the NCT has achieved a lot for maternity & childbirth in general. NCT promoted the possibility of fathers attending births. NCT promote the right to breastefeed (if you choose to). NCT brought to people's attention the problems re baby milk and underdeveloped countries (it breaches World Health Org guidelines to market/give away baby formula to these countries as they haven't always got clean water to make it up, and people water it down to make it last longer so underfeed their babies. They should be feeding the mums up not the babies, so that the mums can breastfeed the babies & give them "clean" milk).

Saying that, I don't really do the "politics" bit I'm ashamed to say. I don't boycott Nestle and wouldn't deprive my daughter of her Smarties in protest. Someone on MN will probably chastise me severely!!

BTW, funniest boycott story I heard was at an NCT nearly-new sale where a pair of canvas shoes with Smarties design on was rejected from the sale!!

My sister was in the NCT and lent me a load of their newsletters to read - they were all full of horrific birth stories - I thought obviously if you join the NCT you have a horrible birth! Not really, but it kind of put me off and I never got round to it.

..I made some good friends from my antetenatal course (still in contact with 5 years on !)...and actually started to train as an antenatal trainer...but stopped because of the battles/politics around antenatal teaching that you wouldn't believe. Could dish the dirt....but won't

Tbh, the NCT did save my life practically. I had moved to a new area, had a baby and didn't know how to meet anyone and the groups in the area, baby groups/toddlers etc were brilliant. I ended up with somewhere to go everyday. I met a good number of people. So from that point of view BRILLIANT.

However, when you join (and we were 'encouraged' to join) you get the newsletters from HQ and that's when I started to become discouraged. No matter how much they protest, it's an exclusive clique with a well deserved middle class rep.

How I longed to serve kitkats at coffee mornings!

I really lost with with NCT when we all met and constantly the conversation was focused around the commitee and who we had all encouraged to join. It ended up when I met non-NCT folk at other toddlers groups, I felt obliged to give them the NCT pack. I had a mortifying moment when I was 'encouraged' to go to a group of new mums and give a talk on the NCT in our area and I did, and they all looked at me blankly and no-one wanted further information and they all began talking amongst themselves. I thought, I have to get out of this!!! It was like a cult!

Not the same everywhere though I'm sure.

Loved the story of the smarties shoes being rejected from NNS!!!

LOL at the NCT 'cult'

Politics around ante-natal teaching, steppy?! Gosh, I'm intrigued.

will post later pointy dog...just taking DS and DD out for lunch...and some much needed play time (beofre I tear my hair out !!)

Hi everyone,
i have just joined NCT (so I could do their antenatal classes) but after reading all the posts here I am a bit freaked out!
I am new to my area, have only my husbands family around, and no friends with kids in this country ( I am from NZ) so wanted to meet people - not get invoived in some midde class politics!! Am worried now

Kaybee, you'll be fine, promise

The politics stuff generally only happens at the committee level and upwards - most coffee groups IME are actually quite removed from the committee and the chat is just about babies, local things to do, what's going on in everyone's life etc.

I'm a bit shocked at Scotchick's experience tbh - I've never known coffee mornings be like that, so hopefully it's pretty rare - don't let it put you off going. You don't have to go back if you don't enjoy it.

Steppy1

Yes, please do give us the gossip!!!

Kaybee I feel terrible, don't be put off, read my post about how NCT helped me when I moved to a new area! The politics and stuff is really only when you join the committee when I ended up thinking, 'this isn't fun anymore'.

Please go along to your local coffee mornings and baby groups! They will really help you!

Kaybee, it can be a fantastic way to meet people. Don't worry!

Message withdrawn

thanks
I guess I will give it a go and just see what happens, there are bound to be a few nice normal people there, and I will def stay away from any comittees!!!!!