Due in September 2006..... into the third trimester.....on the home run

[compo]

Hope no-one minds [smile

Lysettes your dh will defintely need his 2 weeks paternity leave to help you out. Unless you have other family around? That first 2 weeks is very important to allow all 3 of you to bond as a family. Also you will be knackered after the birth and will need him to wind the baby and change it after feeds so you get as much rest as possible. For a first birth you are likely to be in hospital for 1 or 2 nights or if you have to have an emergency c-section then it will be longer and he'll need to be visiting you in the day - hospital visiting hours can be a nightamre even for dads. Work can wait tell him!!

compo that was what i thought tbh - I just get the feeling that he doesn't realise what a big thing this is and how our lives are never going to be the same at all!

I was quite ill over the weekend and he's basically put his foot down and said i have been doing too much and need to rest, and then came home last night and said "so what have you achieved today?" I feel as if saying resting with my feet up will jsut irritate the hell out of him, and I can't win.

Sorry, bit of a rant post. Am just finding it a little difficult with him at the moment -he does work so hard and is under such a lot of stress and pressure all the time, but I almost feel as if he thinks having this lo will be almost absorbed into our fmaily life as if by magic with no hiccups - he suggested that if the weather is nice for the first week after birth that we can spend the days in the park about a 20 minute drive away (we have no garden), and then got surprised when I suggested that most of the time lo will be either being fed or being changed and did he want to attempt either one of those out in public for the first week???

sorry sorry sorry again for the long rant!

hi everyone - wow lots of messages - just wanted to start by saying good luck & >>>>hugs

Lysettes - your DH sounds familiar ... hard-working DH's often can get a bit out of touch with reality of babydom as they are busy at work and get so much done themselves, but don't think how unpredictable babies can be. You might get lucky and have a sleeper, but then you might get a screamer .... we did do quite a lot once DS was past the 3 month stage, eg went to mum's house in France by plane etc, but we only booked it once we (I) felt confident enough we could cope.

One thing that helped was having other friends whose opinion DH trusted to come round for tea with their LO's and asking a few leading questions, along the lines of, "So how much sleep were y ou g etting in the first couple of weeks? And what was your recovery time like? etc" Or, is your MIL reasonable / understanding - can she have a quiet word with him?

Don't make it into a battle ground as theere is no wrong or right way of doing things and so much depends on your recovery / what baby is like. Once DH had seen all the horrors of birth at close hand, he was a lot more reasonable ....... especially after he practically fainted when they put my epidural in !

muminaquandry - i think that he will change his mind and his ideas once lo is born, it's just more frustrating / irritating thinking i have to go through this bit!

am already doing the "trusted friend" routine re feeding, sleeping etc, and totally agree we could get a screamer or a sleeper - just don't know!

thanks for the advice though

Lysettes - Your DH has made me a little bit mad! I think you're right and he can't realise what a big thing this is going to be for you individually in terms of physically coping, and for you as a couple - life is never going to be the same!

I had a similar issue with my DH when we had DS. He split his paternity up and didn't take the first bit until a week after I came home. The thing is that (no offence) you don't know how you'll be either - it's awful (I mean lovely having the LO) but it's difficult to stand, walk, going to the loo is a nightmare..etc etc! ANd you have to look after LO. He needs to take it more seriously - you'll NEED help, not just want it! Sorry for ranting but I've had to put my foot down this time and spell out what I expect and if DH doesn't do it he's in big trouble!

The thing it boils down to is that the birth of your first child happens ONCE, work happens for 40 years! It's a really special unique time and if he misses it - HE'LL regret it as well as you.

Can you tell by the length of this post I'm having a day off!

PS with the freezer food - pasta sauces in jars for the cupboard are useful too and some of that rice you stick in the microwave for 2 mins! And don't forget grazing snacks for when you're BF

good idea about stocking up cupboards and freezers well in advance. That's another reason you will need dh around - when you're breastfeeding constantly for the first 2 weeks he will need to bring you endless supplies of drinks and chocolate And he'll need to be in charge of the constant stream of washing and mopping up any mess the baby makes!! Hope this isn't putting you off by the way, just telling you how it was for me at the beginning!! This time dh is taking 2 weeks paternity and then he has some leave saved up so he might take that at a later date. Because this time I'll have ds too I need him around to entertain, cook for and take ds out!!

liquid totally what i was thinking - so hard to raise these with him though as he's generally getting home at gone 10 and leaving at 630 in the morning.

I've always been one of those "supportive, just deal with the problem as he's under so much stress and doesn't need any more" women, and now it's coming back to bite me on the backside!

Will think of a cunning plan on how to get him to actually deal with this - any ideas welcome - the more cunning the better

Lysettes, DH took less than a week last time and it was a very bad decision for both of us. He just didn't get the whole 'change your entire life' thing.
It tells you something that he will be off for nearly three weeks this time!
Also laughing at your DH's suggestion about going to the park every day in the first week. You will be lucky if lo stays awake long enough to feed and you certainly wont feel like 40min round trips every day even if you've had a relatively easy labour. I remember we arranged to meet friends when DS was 2wks old. Said we'd be there at 10am. Got there at 12.30! My advice would be try not to have any expectations of any of the three of you in those first couple of weeks. Just being there for each and help each other muddle through and adjust.

Oh, and I ate curry constantly when pg with DS and it never really affected him when BF so maybe if they're are used to it!

Marls, at least your team got there! We didn't even qualify!

Hope you're doing ok today, HK!

Lysettes, you being supportive and understanding before means he WILL take you seriously when you raise things with him.

Just choose your moment and make him feel like it was his decision all along ... then later when the sh1t hits the fan you can afford some smug "I told you so's"!!! .... bless 'em, they really don't know what's hit them when it happens

morning all!
Well I am feeling abit livelier this morning I think the 2 iron tablets I took yesterday kicked in overnight!
Lysettes - just repeating what everyone else has said, but you do really need to have someone around to help you in the 1st couple of weeks, and that should really be your DH! I don't remember much about those 1st few weeks they pass by in a blur, you don't even know what day it is. As for trips to the park - nice idea, but I would limit yourself to little trips out with the pram for half an hour. As liquid says you don't know how far you will be able to walk or anything.
Claire and lysettes how come you are so organised? I can barely muster up the energy to prepare tonights dinner - let alone meals for in 2 months time. Think I will be stocking up on jars of pasta sauce.

lysettes - just to echo what homemama's said - I read somewhere that in the 1st few weeks, you shouldn't try to acheive more than 1 thing each day - even if that one thing is having a shower or getting dressed!
Also on the BF subject - onions are supposed be really bad for wind (the babies - not yours!). so best avoided

Morning all.
Wow sorry to hear about your dh Lysettes. He'll soon realise just how hard it is when lo arrives. my one luxury after having a baby is getting my dp to do the 11o'clock feed. Whether I'm bf (in which case I express a bottle) or bottle feed, it's a lifeline. That way i can get to bed around 9ish, sleep through until the next feed & actually feel human the next day. Also it gives them bonding time alone. That's what got us through those first few weeks.

Thanks again all for the wonderful messages! Made me go totally soppy . Feeling a tad rough today but that's just the infections (both uti & bone) working their way out.
Hard to believe a few weeks from now we'll be having our first birth announcements!! It's going sooooo quickly!

At least I remember what contractions feel like now Ohhhhh forgot how strong they are too lol.

No more talk of contractions please!

You are all so lucky having caring DP's around to help - Lysettes, I'm sure your DH will come around once he sees LO. I am relying on my parents help which is fine but hard on them too. After all, it's a long time since they had a baby to care for! I'm slightly worried about how hard it's going to be for us all but I really don't have any choice and I know that my parents just want to help so I'm sure we'll manage.

A friend of mine who's a chef gave me a couple of marinade recipes that I thought I'd share with you. The first is for steak and consists of 1 part olive oil, 1 part worcester sauce, 1/2 part wholegrain mustart and some mixed herbs. If you marinade some beef or steak overnight in it you can then use it for a variety of dishes but my favourite is to cut the steak into strips, seal it in a frying pan with some sliced onions, get a part-baked baguette, slice it down the middle and then stuff it with the steak, onions and some mozzerella or cheddar, then bake it in the oven for 10 mins or so. Fab comfort food and quite healthy, especially if you have a salad with it.
The other one is for chicken and consists of 1 part olive oil, 1 part white wine, 1/4 part wholegrain mustard and some crushed garlic. I like this one done with chicken fillets and served with potatoes and salad.

Both are really lovely and I'm totally addicted to the steak baguettes at the moment! I thought maybe someone else would enjoy them too

Lysettes, ARRGHHHHHHH am boiling mad over what your DH thinks!!!! He has to be with you for all the reasons that everyone else has pointed out below! YOU need the support but also he needs to have two weeks (which is his right by law) to bond with his new born child!! Honestly....(you can tell I'm having one of those days!! I'm having my anti-d at 4.45 & not looking foward to it...silly really as it's just another injection but not in the mood!!!!

I'm so not that organised to put food in the freezer...I can hardly stand up once I've got DD into bed every night...just want to collaspe into the sofa (wrong thing to do with sciatica...should be on the pool but DH works until 8 & by the time he gets home...) & watch the footie... Homemama, who is your team then?!!!

I'm a little nervous all of a sudden....about Also (& SORRY FOR FIRST TIMERS!!!!) everything is so much easier now DD is 22 months. I can't bear the thought of those first dark 12 sleepless, cracked nipples weeks...but we survived I suppose but God they were ghastly...!

Mandaz - sorry if talk of DH's has made u feel bad at all. I hope your parents will be able to support you - on a plus side, at least they have done it before, even if it was a while back!

Recipe sounds yummy! Going to have to try that one

Cori - am scared too! Has felt like we're finally getting to the good bits with DS recently and the thought of starting over again... arrghh! It's not all bad though - the moment I have those tiny fingers wrapped around mine, the first real smile, everyone cooing and saying how beautiful my baby is... Think good thoughts!

hi all,

Lysettes, I agree with everyone else about DH. Are you going to antenatal classes with him? I think that's really important - I think they can take time from work for these as well as you..?? The classes might make him realise a little bit what it's going to be like. I remember with DS, it's a constant round of feeding, burping, sleeping, trying to keep them awake to feed again etc. etc. I also found after about a week, I felt really miserable for a few days - "baby blues" - you really don't need to be alone all day from 6.30 to late at night with a newborn. Maybe you could remind DH that he had something to do with the baby's arrival, and it's really important for him to spend as much time as possible in the first few weeks with both you and the LO. I'm a lawyer too (used to work in the City in corporate dept), so I know what the hours can be like, and what the pressure to perform is like. But NO-ONE IS INDISPENSIBLE, EVER. And he is entitled. Like someone else said, you only get this time once. Who's more important - you and the baby, or a client wanting a deal done by 5 pm Friday? Know what I think...

Sorry if I've gone on a bit, and maybe a bit harsh. Good luck.

Had a thought. do you know DH's colleagues/boss? Are they/he/she approachable? Could you actually give them a ring and say how worried you are and that you would really appreciate their support in persuading DH to take the time off? One of my colleague's husbands did this once, and it worked a treat!!

Will stop now. Thinking of you and wishing you luck.

PS you could remind DH you've been very nice to him at least once a week, while the rest of us have managed it about 3 times since November!!!! Now it's payback time??!!!

Wow - Now wishing DH had 2 weeks, like with DS1. He's only taking a week, & even then will have to work some from home. MILs are coming to take up some slack.
Must say you're lucky your DHs ARE entitled! Take advantage of that.

Belated welcome to Petrified - love the name. That would describe me, not about labor and birth, but about what comes next. It really is Hell - but we did pull through it last time, and that was in a one-room loft (no escape from baby). So now that we actually have doors that close and separate rooms, things should be better.

Upside is it's only a few months of Hell - (but seems like a lot, lot longer). Looking forward to when DS2 is 4 months or so; they become so wonderful after that. And then we're done; we're never doing this again. Can't believe my sister is due in December & will be her THIRD - has a 2.5-yr-old and 1-year-old! I think she wants four, total. Okay ... [confused icon]

Did my last "run" last week - felt more awkward than natural. Had a wonderful 5-mile WALK yesterday.

Sorry, I think I might have been a bit heavy handed earlier. I really hope I haven't upset anyone. I didn't mean to, honest. Just think it's mad not to take time you can have.

Marls, I really admire your walking and running - incredible! I went to the gym today, and walked at 5.8 kg an hour for 20 mins - that was enough for me!! It will bear you insuch good stead after the birth.

Clairemow - That's the plan! There's not a gym that will take him until he's 2 mos. old, and since I dislike trying to exercise with the jogging stroller, doing now what I won't feel like doing Sept. - Nov. Does make you feel better, though, doesn't it?
Last time was on the "no sleep" diet (not on purpose) ... just so exhausted didn't feel like eating ... worked like a charm, but wouldn't recommend it!

All this talk of no sleep;
Here are some ideas FYI, what worked for us and how we're tweaking it for DS2:
We started off as brand-new parents by alternating feedings at night, and that did not work at all. Both of us were exhausted.
What did work (& we're using again) went like this:
I sleep from the time he gets home (around 6) to 1 am (or when baby wakes just after 1 am), then take over feedings.
DH sleeps from 1 am (or until baby goes to sleep just before 1 am) until 7/7:30, when he wakes up for work. This way, each of us gets a halfway decent 6 hours or so, every night.
I have the stranger schedule, but then, don't have to get myself dressed or out the door every morning, nor hold intelligent conversation.
The one of us who's off-duty will sleep upstairs with a sleep-sound machine and no monitors on, while the one on-duty sleeps downstairs in the bed with co-sleeper attached. We'll have a tiny refrigerator for formula, so the on-duty parent won't even have to leave the bed to get it.
During the day will simply grab extra time as I can get it, but am just counting on not being able to get anything done until Nov.
Anyone else getting all Christmas shopping done before baby?

Morning girls!
Homemama- lol!!!!! Your post made me laugh!!

Hope everyone's doing well. Where's our sunshine?!!!!

Hugs to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Message withdrawn

Gosh Marls, that sounds like a really well worked out plan re. sleeping and fridges! Last time DH did the last feed at night so I could go to bed whenever I wanted, but I always seemed to want to spend some time with him in the evening - but this time it might be different with two, like you say - it won't be as easy to nod off in the day with DS1 charging about. Think you've got it well sorted!

Once DS was on formula, I used to do the water and then shake the powder in when he needed it, never warmed it at all - poor thing! Mind you, by then he wasn't having a night feed anymore. Might see if DH can do middle of night feed at least one night a weekend this time.... Going to bf, so will need to express. Oh joy. Not looking forward to sitting staring out of the window at a silent world at 2/3/4 am again!!!

No sun here either HK. I miss it too!

morning all!

am on countdown to my hols now - just getting everything organised. started with one list, which turned in to to 2,then 3, now 4 but I haven't made a list of toys that DS is taking, so I can see me starting list number 5 today!
Marls - Xmas shopping before the baby comes??? I feel so disorganised...
Can I just recommend for those bottle feeding the Lindam night feeder. it refridgerates 3 narrow or 2 wide neck bottles for about 8 hours and you just heat them on a little hot plate which takes about 3 minutes. You just plug it in next to your bed, so no need to get up and it is only small so doesn't need as much room as a mini fridge / microwave and only costs about 25 punds. It was a life saver for us. Most of my friends boght avent bottle warmers which meant they were still having to get up and go downstairs to get the bottle and then they are painfully slow to warm up. God it sounds like I work for them or something - sorry