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Birth clubs

Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

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Original poster

Graduated elderberries

999 replies

janey1234 · 08/01/2013 21:24

Hello all..,
Let's clog up a brand spanking new club over here

(By hello all, I guess I mean hello hazle. Hopefully the others will join us soon...)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

janey1234 · 19/02/2013 10:08

The suspense......
GOOD LUCK x

OP posts:

Purplemonster · 19/02/2013 10:16

Ooh good luck Hazle! Hurry back to tell us how it went

BraveLilBear · 19/02/2013 10:49

Oh no poor Hazle hope they haven't been blocking you from going to the loo/enforcing full bladder status throughout.

Good luck!

HazleNutt · 19/02/2013 11:22

I'm here, all is fine! And it's a BOY.
And you know, I'm not even disappointed, boys are cute too. Only trouble is that we don't have that many boy names we both like, but still a few months to think about it.

BraveLilBear · 19/02/2013 11:31

Yay! For power returns and for happy news

So pleased all is well. I think the name thing is sod's law - we have a few boys names in the back pocket but not a single girl's name (barring middle name) - one of the reasons I think we may be having a girl lol!

So, one worry down a new quandary to replace it with

Original poster

janey1234 · 19/02/2013 11:39

Wooo hooo! Brilliant news Hazle. So happy for you!

With you on names though - like loads of girls names, but not many boys...

OP posts:

Purplemonster · 19/02/2013 12:21

Congratulations Hazle! Brilliant news! Oh it's so exciting! You've brightened up a rather dreary day for me. There's not many names I like for either gender (fussy) but I'm sure we'll figure it out in the end. The surname debate is still raging in our house as well! You know, I think a lot of the boys clothes I've seen are actually cuter and less naff so I think if mine is the predicted girl it may well be covered in tractors and dinosaurs anyway.

Rache1S · 19/02/2013 12:21

Congratulations Hazle and so glad all is well. Such a relief.

And the first recruit for the Elderberry blue team, or rather the Elderberry non-gender-specific multicolour team.

Rache1S · 19/02/2013 12:27

Purple I bought our daughter some nice
navy blue summer babygrows yesterday.

Are you arguing over whose name baby gets or which way round to double barrel?

HazleNutt · 19/02/2013 12:31

I have plenty of blue clothes (it's my favourite colour anyway), a bunch of multi-coloured (from a local flea market, France does not seem to be as pink-blue divided) and some with small pink details, so they'll be fine as well.

As for names, I'm looking for classical, posh ones - not quite Tarquin, but close so feel free to share.
Last name will be double barreled, mine first as this is the way my own is double barreled.

Rache1S · 19/02/2013 12:58

I like Milo (it's our little doggy's name), Hugo, Huey, Theo, Edward (Teddy, but I suppose a Theo could also be Teddy).... I only ever thought of shortish boys names as our surname is three syllables so I thought we should avoid a long name!

Purplemonster · 19/02/2013 13:02

I don't really want to double barrel because two two syllable surnames both beginning with B would be a heck of a mouthful! I probably will give in and use his surname but I'm not entirely happy about it as I prefer my name!

BraveLilBear · 19/02/2013 13:35

Purple are you married? If so, it may seem unusual to take your name (if you don't use it), if not, you have the perfect excuse to give it yours until you tie the knot!

I've decided to use OH's surname - it's more distinctive and we're planning to get married at some point in the non-too-distant future. But my family have freaked out saying baby should have my name. Statistically, more children to unwed parents take the father's surname (about double the percentage), but plenty use mum's name.

This could also be a north-south snobbery thing - ie we live in north where most children seem to have dad's name even when parents aren't married, but they are in the south and claim otherwise.

At the end of the day, it's your choice, and no-one (apart from OH) should get to have an opinion on it IMO.

Purplemonster · 19/02/2013 14:07

we're not married yet either Bear but we are engaged and plan on marrying in about 2 years but I'm still not sure that that means I should take his name. It would be easier if we all had the same name I suppose. Just one more thing to worry about!

BraveLilBear · 19/02/2013 14:38

Lol tell me about it!

I will never take exception to a mother's choice. I will, though, take exception to my family telling me how 'disappointed' they are that I'm 'turning my back on my family' and that 'OH is not the marrying type'. Pah.

Good luck with your negotiations

Rache1S · 19/02/2013 16:11

The name thing must be a really tough one to decide. I know if I wasn't married with DH's name I would feel quite strongly that I would want the baby to have my name. In fact one of my main reasons for taking DH's name on marriage was to avoid this scenario as I'd have quite happily kept my own name if we weren't planning to TTC.

My Step-Sis wasn't married when she had her first so she gave the baby her name, but then got married, took her DH's name and had another DC, so my nephew now has a different name to his Sister and both of his parents. Sis is waiting for his passport to expire before changing his name legally (which apparently isn't that easy), so for the time being she has to put up with a 7 year-old having a tantrum every time she enters the UK (which is often as they are in the Forces and live in Germany), embarrassingly protesting to the customs officer that he hates having a different name.

Brave as you say, it's none of your family's business. Only yours and you OH's opinions count. How on earth would they know if he's the marrying type?

Original poster

janey1234 · 19/02/2013 16:12

Argh brave - how annoying.

I really really want the baby to have my surname - it's SO much nicer than DP's. His is, as he points out, easy to spell and pronounce. I say it's a teeny bit common. He says mine is tricky and you have to spell it all the time. I say it really, truly isn't that unusual (and is a traditional sounding English surname) but it is unusual enough to (I think) be proud of.

He's adamant though. Grrrr. I suspect I will give in.

OP posts:

BraveLilBear · 19/02/2013 16:40

I hadn't realised quite how emotive it all is until I casually mentioned it to my mum one day in the middle of a different conversation and she literally went off on one.

Was really upsetting and stressful. I suspect some of my dad's upset is the fact that he had three girls and no boys to continue the line - BUT it is one of the most common surnames in Britain and he has a number of nephews so the name will continue.

Also doesn't help that my sister refused to take her husband's name when they married last year because 'she is too proud of the family to lose it', despite the protestations of her hubby. Their kids (if they have them) will be double-barrelled. I suspect that may have fuelled some of their opinions in this matter. Thanks, kiddo.

I adore my family but I don't believe that the only way to be close to them is through having the same surname!

OH also got very upset about it (uncharacteristically) so that, when I suggested the baby take my surname as an extra middle name, he refused point blank saying it'll be too confusing and will end up double-barrelled. I want it so that the family link is clear on official documentation eg passport, at least as a tie until we get married and are all united.

He feels especially strongly as his firstborn, now 10, started out life with his surname. But after they split up, mum changed it out of spite. Means that DSS has different surname to mum, dad, stepdad and siblings now, which I feel is mean.

I honestly don't see why my parents feel the need to weigh in uninvited to the matter - they even, at one point, said I should consider their feelings, too! I am actually quite disgusted with their behaviour on this.

Sorry - thought I was 'over' this, think the lid's been relifted. Rant over

Needless to say, I have sympathy with naming issues!

Rache1S · 19/02/2013 17:20

Rant away Brave, families can be so difficult.

I wouldn't usually feel right making judgments on the situations of others, but I will make an exception on this and say your parents feelings on the matter do not count at all when it comes to naming your baby, and they are being cruel to use emotional blackmail on you to try to get what they want. Difficult though it is, please don't let them influence you. Be firm and stand your ground. Whatever you and your OH decide I'm sure they'll get used to it when gorgeous little baby Bear turns up.

Original poster

janey1234 · 19/02/2013 17:39

Agreed Rache.

Families are amazing, and having them involved as grandparents will be lovely, blah blah blah.

BUT this is your child, yours and OH's, and between you, you two will name it. No other opinions matter, no-one else gets a say, and sod them. You do what YOU both want. That's what matters, that's what counts, that's the way it should be.

I know it's easier said than done, but REALLY. Does it really matter?! Not in the big scheme of things. They'll get over it.

Anyway that's my rant over.

OP posts:

BraveLilBear · 19/02/2013 17:54

Thanks guys. I actually feel a little better about it now :)

Purplemonster · 19/02/2013 18:46

Aww Bear I think it's mean your family are making it more difficult, it's hard enough! I don't have that as I've got a different surname to my family anyway. Interestingly my OH had the same as yours - his 13 year old son originally having his surname and a family middle name, both of which Mum changed when they split up (about a gazillion years ago when he was still really young) wonder If tthat's why he feels strongly about it?

HazleNutt · 19/02/2013 18:50

what others said - your baby, your choice. They already got to decide over your name, so your turn now.

Rache1S · 19/02/2013 19:49

A massive portion of mint choc chip ice cream has made my baby go nuts. I'm sure she's going to burst out of my belly any second like in Alien. At least I know what floats her boat now

Purplemonster · 19/02/2013 20:48

He he he that's brilliant Rach! It is funny how they seem to react to certain things, mine does a happy dance over sweet things too :-)
So other than the surname debate and the fact that it feels like someone has tried to pull my legs off, my pregnancy gripes this week are:

My mother keeps insisting on telling me how much fatter more pregnant than the royal incubator I am in a kind of 'honestly, compared to her you're ENORMOUS!' Way even though I keep telling her I'm not interested

And I'm getting really annoyed with people ostensibly being helpful and caring but on a practical level not helping at all, I think of it in my head as 'you can't carry that...while I'm watching' syndrome. My OH I'd the worst offender. It goes like this, he comes home just as I'm bringing the last of the shopping in from the car, he takes the big box of beer from me and says I shouldn't be carrying it cos it's heavy and I should have left it in the car for him to lift. This would be the same beer I lifted from shelf to trolley, trolley to till, till to trolley, trolley to car as well as all the rest of the shopping just to get it home but THEN it obviously doubles in weight and I shouldn't lift it again into the house anyone else suffering this? It's sending me crazy! Either actually help in a practical way like come shopping with me or shut up! He does it ALL the time!

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