Second miscarriage - how to deal with medical management (respective disposal)

[MidlandsMummy]

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet, although I often read threads which have given me great comfort I have never added anything myself. I have the most perfect little girl who is just 20 months &my first pregnancy was amazing, I loved it, however, I have since suffered two miscarriages in the past 5 months.

My husband & I went for our 12 week scan yesterday & the baby was tiny & had no heartbeat. We are absolutely devastated. We had had two early scans due to early spotting & everything was perfectly fine. I cannot believe this is happening again! I feel like my heart is being ripped out & that I'm reliving my worst nightmare. I have opted for the 'medical management' procedure as I am too scared to have surgery & I had it to assist my first miscarriage (which began naturally). The doctors have told me to flush all pregnancy products down the toilet but I just wondered if anyone had dealt with this in another way. I cannot bear the thought of my baby being flushed down a toilet but I don't know what else to do! I'm so sorry this is such an unpleasant question.

Hi,

As far as I'm aware you're meant to collect everything that comes out so they can check there's nothing left inside you in case of infection? I had medical management at 12 weeks too but in hospital and they had a bedpan thing - I didn't look but they took it away to check everything had come out and then let me go home when they were happy.

Wouldn't you be better off doing this in hospital? I found it quite painful and they had lots of wonderful drugs on offer, as well as a reassuring midwife to hand. My fetus was probably a lot bigger though and therefore the process was maybe different.

I just don't think what they're asking you to do sounds right - I do think you'd be better off in hospital.

Best of luck with everything and do let me know how it goes.

Thanks so much for your reply! I had medical management in hospital last time but I was on holiday at the time in Cornwall. It seems a very different approach here in the Midlands. I'm so frightened as I know how painful it was last time & them telling me to flush all remains away makes me feel sick. I will ask again this morning but they seemed pretty sure that unless I was in unbearable pain & was excessively bleeding I could stay at home, otherwise I would have to go to A&E. it's going to be another horrid week. Thanks again for your advice!

Do what you feel is right

The first time I miscarried there was something - something I felt was important
I felt under pressure to let it go but it just ... My DH was v supportive we put it in his business card box and brought it home. And he buried it in the garden under a small birch tree. I have never seen him cry like that - he didn't tell me he was doing it and I thought his mother had died.

The tree is now a protected one and we will never sell that house.
One day I swear I will get a priest to bless the spot. I would have done it already but it's in France and my French is not good enough to explain to the pretre

The second time it was too early. But I still regret it

Final thought - doctors may want to test it. That's Ok but you are allowed to ask for it back or to be taken care off how you wish. I feel that's such an important part of grieving.
Don't care what they call it. It was your baby to you for 12 weeks

Midlandsmummy

My thoughts are with you
Take care of yourself

Thank you so much, Blondecat. I am so sorry for your loss too. what a lovely idea about the tree. It was too early with my first miscarriage too and I found that extremely difficult. My mum's a jeweller & I asked her to make me a necklace in memory of our baby. I haven't taken it off since - don't know what I'll do this time. Can I ask if you have had any children since your miscarriages? I feel like it might never happen for us again!

Midlands mummy

I have a lovely daughter. She was my first and the pregnancy was completely uneventful - I didn't realize what a joy that was

Then 2 miscarriages since nov 2011 and now I am 6 weeks pregnant and yesterday just after leaving the obgyn I bled. Now I am on bed rest and waiting for a scan Monday morning.
Going lala

We need to stay positive but its so hard

Just so that you know 2 consecutive MCs don't reduce your chances of a healthy pregnancy. It's once it gets to mc no 3 that they drop from 90% to 40-50%. And that's when the doctors come in with all the tests

My cousin's wife had 8 MCs. I cannot imagine the pain. Now she has a healthy beautiful boy. So there is hope

How are you holding up?

I has a mmc in June. I was told the foetus (9 weeks) may possibly have disintegrated into the womb lining and be unidentifiable when it passed (natural) . however it was and although I couldn't look dh collected it and put it in a box. we buried it with a note we had written.

I'm on cycle 7 and hoping for my bfp in January.

btw im also in the Midlands.

blondecat they don't tend to test feotuses here unless you have had 3 consecutive miscarriages.

Blondecat, I'm so sorry. I just cried reading your message! I am sending you lots of love & positive vibes! I'm sure everything will be fine! I bled lots with my first baby girl & she's perfect so try and think positive although I know how hard it is. Let us know know how you get on tomorrow. I'll be thinking if you.

This weekend has been awful but I am hopeful that the worst is over. It's just so terribly unfair that these awful things should happen to good people/parents. I am finding Mumsnet such a comfort as I can't help but feel alone. My husband is amazing but it's different for dads.

Take it easy, get lots of rest Xx

HayleBoppingAroundTheXmasTree, I am so sorry to read about your miscarriage too! I lost my second baby at 9 weeks. It's tragic. All the best to you too! I'm not very good with all the acronyms... Sorry, what does BFP mean? Let's hope we get a white Christmas here in the Midlands this year to cheer us all up!

I was looking into the Pregnacare Conception vitamins... Have any of you tried them? I have just been taking the Healthy Start vitamins (folic acid, vit C & D) but I'm willing to try anything that could help!

Big fat positive :-)

Thank you

Just had the scan and all seems well

I am officially grounded - obgyn says to avoid anything that shakes the uterus. Very scientific

I am thinking of you midlands mummy. Please take care

That's fantastic news! So pleased for you! Please rest up & take it easy! X