Totally terrified, anxious, panic...

[patagonia09]

Hi
I?m 9weeks and happy to be pregnant, but I?m going insane with worry about abnormalities, deformities, stillbirth, Downs, toxoplasmosis, listeria, all the rest... I can?t stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and affect my baby, to the point that I feel constantly sick and have a headache (and no, it?s not just the morning sickness!). I'm hoping that the 12 week scan will put some worries at rest but if they have any bad news it will just be worse! I keep telling myself the likelihood of all these things is small but I?m just so terrified sometimes I think I should just have a termination to end the worry (which is nuts, of course, because we really want a baby!). Does anybody else feel like this? Any advice on how to pull myself together? I cannot spend another 31 weeks feeling this way. :(

Perhaps some of the tests will help, talk to your GP about this as pre natal depression/anxiety can lead to post natal depression/anxiety.

Aww Pata I did feel like this.

I am now 28 weeks with my first baby. It does get better but honestly I think I am neurotic too. I once drank 2 cans of Coke in one day and thought I had killed it, DH bought a Doppler so at least we use that now and again when I think I have not felt it for a bit. You are definitely not the only neurotic one so do not worry.

DH and I had a miscarriage last year at about 9 weeks and I think that made me a bit worse too because then I realise how much I wanted the baby (before that I had been pooping my pants over the idea) :)

DH says he was never worried once we had had the first 12 week scan but I was worried all the time, was it in one piece, did it look normal, was it still alive, if I sneezed really hard would it just drop out (DH told me that human race wouldn't exist if this last one happened).

I cannot say to you you will completely stop worrying because people always say once they are born you find something else to worry about then. You do become slightly more chilled out after each appointment or scan though. I do not know how old you are but we had the NT scan too (we are 34) so we did not tell anyone about the baby until we had those results but it also meant we got another scan, so another opportunity for us to see the baby but this time on a big Plasma TV! Honestly as each little milestone passes you will feel a little more relaxed.

Then you can just start bawling your eyes out at random stuff like I do, that will focus your mind on something else! :)

Pie charts :)

Every time you start fretting about something, go and look up the actual odds of it happening and then draw yourself a pie chart. I found it very helpful to look at an actual picture of how small the odds were of something going wrong. I still do this (am 37 weeks).

And please, do talk to your MW. This sort of level of sustained anxiety is not good for you. I know, I've done it. Focus on doing the things that you know to be good (taking folic acid, exercising gently if you can, eating a good diet) and treat yourself kindly. It can help to write down your feelings - this can clear them out of your head a bit so they don't just sit there going round and round and making you feel worse. As Cheshire says, it does get better. One day at a time :)

The other thing worth remembering is that there are 6 BILLION people on this planet, most living in the worst possible conditions, and despite all those conditions they still manage to have lovely, healthy babies far more often than not. You are doing your best to minimise any possible damage and you are living in a clean and healthy western society. Those are very, very good odds.

Foetuses (foeti?!) are tough, much tougher than we give them credit for. Most miscarriages happen because the foetus wasn't viable (damaged at a genetic level), not because you ate a bit of cheese or too much caffeine.

By the way - the worry never ends, just you wait to you actually have your baby But worrying is genuinely bad for the little one - raised cortisol levels over a long period have been shown to stress the foetus, so maybe try some gentle meditation or focus on the genuine reality that you are MORE likely to have a healthy baby, and.... breathe.

Oh, and btw it's perfectly normal to worry, it's terrifying to have so little real control over something so important and precious.

Just remember that women have been doing this successfully for a very, very long time (about 150,000 years or so).