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The CBFM Graduates Vol 1

869 replies

StormBird · 21/02/2011 19:55

We have got to know each other pretty well during our TTC journey's so have created this thread on Chocciechips advice (hope she doesn't mind!!) so we can all contintue to support one another through our pregnancies.

Welcome................ Smile

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Keziahhopes · 05/07/2011 18:05

I don't really know boba- it just felt right! Have had lots of times over years when tested, and tested first month after failed ivf as had 35 day cycle (no bfp), but no testing since!

Yep Boba - I am saying I will never moan at this stage - you will have to hold me to that Grin

Ilovekittyelise · 05/07/2011 23:09

keziah i hope you will be moaning soon. god there is so much to moan about. i must have downed about a litre of gaviscon already today, and after my next toast binge i will need yet more.

boba82 · 06/07/2011 09:35

ha ha kitty there is soooo much to moan about you're right!

boba82 · 06/07/2011 09:35

ha ha kitty there is soooo much to moan about you're right!

chocciechip · 06/07/2011 09:58

KEZIAH!! Congrats!!!!!! That is just the best best news ever! I'm blown away. Smile

The first weeks are very stressful (actually, all the weeks are, but it does ease up a bit after, say, 20 weeks in my case...). But come here and talk to us - we've all walked that walk. There is nothing you can do now except wait, and it will drive you crazy ... but we're here.

The one thing you have GOT to keep in your mind through all the next few weeks - no matter what you fear may happen - is that you have achieved a NATURAL BFP!!!!! I know you feel terribly scared, but you have really taken a MONUMENTAL step forward in your journey with just that little line. So pleased for you.

The other thing I would say is now is the time to be really firm (as it sounds like you have been) with medical folk. You are not just one of hundreds of women who are worrying about your very normal PG. Your case and circumstances are exceptional, so they must not fob you off and treat you as if you are Jo Average. Stand your ground.

I cannot begin to tell you how excited and pleased and thrilled I am for you! x

StormBird · 06/07/2011 10:28

FECKING HELL - talk about being an emotional wreck but until I read Keziahs news I thought I'd got it under control. (Have also posted on the other thread btw).

So very well done Keziah, I am soo pleased for you. ITs been such a tough TTC experience for you I really admire all of your strength and guess what.....its paid off! So far so good, take one day at a time. Sending you loads of love xxx

Boba yes hunny we are in and finally back online, sorry for not answering your post but its been rather manic over here and not had the net. I finished work on the 30th July, and guess what.........I am so bloody bored.

I'm 39 weeks tomorrow, babybird is still very comfortable in there and I don't think he's going to budge just yet although have had some rather annoying dull back pain and cannot hardly move anymore! But its all fun and games.
I have an MW appointment tomorrow so hopefully she'll be able to give me the good news that he is finally engaged.

Sorry for not name checking more but will read up on the thread to find out what I've missed. Hope you ladies are all ok xxxxx

Storm (grinning from ear to ear)

OP posts:
Keziahhopes · 06/07/2011 23:59

Thanks Choccie and Storm.

Choccie - tried being firm. Told them my conditions, need clexane -first got told not till heartbeat seen eventually got given it. Then told to stop the aspirin, not take it till see heartbeat. So I asked when they would scan me, midwife said 7 weeks. Then phonecall today (dh had 2 with them at hospital!) said obstetrician said not till 8 weeks as it is stressful going earlier and not seeing anything. Uh? Dh found a private scan, but same time as a family event he wants to go to (dont' even start that!) so I cried Sad. Feel sore on one side, petrified as you say Choccie about losing it. Feel I don't deserve it (complicated that one, do ignore - just need to say it somewhere!) and will lose it. But don't know about aspirin etc until see them at 9 weeks - eek. Was taking aspirin when conceived to "help".

Sorry - will try and post postive in the future but choccie this week is much worse even than doing the whole of the ivf cycle!! As never got a bfp there so nothing to lose.

How did you cope when first tested? That is the tip I need to learn!!!!

boba82 · 07/07/2011 10:00

Keziah you need to calm down a wee bit. I know how desperate you are for this baby. I was in a sililar position as was kept in limbo for nearly 3 weeks as they had to rule out an ectopic so had to kkep going back for scans until they could see a hbeat at 7.5 weeks. All this stressing is not going to do you or bean any good. I prob agree with obst re the 8 weeks as it will add to your stress if they can't see anything as it'll be too early. I would follow their advice for the time being honey. I know how hard it is and how much you'll be worrying as I felt exactly the same and to some extent still do. As I said earlier just try and take one day at a time and cherish your little miracle! It has happened for you but there's nothing you can do now except rest and take care of yourself. Hugs x x

boba82 · 07/07/2011 10:08

Well finally been given a decision about the birth plan for bobabean. Due to previous bladder surgeries they weren't sure if they wanted to risk a natural birth incase it ended up in an emergency CS and damage was done to my bladder or other organs that may or may not have joined on to it. Am so glad that they have all agreed I can have a natural birth. I'm also a bit extra risk as I had a spontaneous pneumothorax 18 months ago so they don't want the other one to pop with all the pushing! It has been a bit stressful not knowing. On the plus side I'm to get two extra scans before D-Day one in 3 weeks then one at 36 weeks to check baby's size just incase it's a beast. I was 8lb13oz and as I'm 5'11 chances are it's not going to be a 6lber! Just glad I'm going to get a chance at a 'normal' birth experience. Now doing everyhting I can for optimal foetal position - birthing ball here I come!!

boba82 · 07/07/2011 10:11

MissLolita D-Day is here! Best of luck Smile

Storm and Anytime can't believe it's nearly your turn too! I feel like it's flown in! You probably don't though. I know that my preh=gnancy has been the longest 30 weeks of my life so far.

MissLolita · 07/07/2011 10:51

Hi ladies,

Farfalla, I am so sorry - sending you hugs and positive thoughts xxx

Keziah, congratulations! That is the MOST wonderful news!! I am absolutely over the moon for you!

Unfortunately there is nothing to report here, D (B?) day has arrived and all is quiet. I know that statistically most first timers go to 41 weeks so I'm staying relaxed. I have a mw appointment tomorrow so hopefully will have an update then x

chocciechip · 07/07/2011 12:03

keziah I didn't cope well with the first few weeks at all, and neither did my DH. We've gone through two MCs so every day was a nervewracking nightmare.

I did have a 6.5 week scan to rule out a potential ectopic because on eof my MCs might have been ectopic. Usually, all a scan will show at that stage is 'something' growing in the right place - sometimes you're not even sure if its a sac with or without a yolk. I was lucky to see a heartbeat, but have to tell you, the sonographer did not jump up and down with joy because it doesn't mean a HUGE amount. The truth is that most MCs happen between 6 and 8 weeks, so it is completely possible to see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, and then nothing at 8 (a lot of the very critical development happens in this time). Also, I think it is quite unusual to see a HB so early. We knew this, and the result was we ended up paying for ANOTHER scan at 7 weeks just to see if the heart was still beating because I found I couldn't cope with the strain of waiting until 8 weeks.

So I honestly don't know if early scans will reassure you, or make you even more worried. If you see no heartbeat you'll freakout that its not viable and be told to come back in a couple of weeks for another scan anyway; if you do see a heartbeat, it is a guarentee of nothing, which is still worrying. At 8 weeks you should definitely see a heartbeat, and you'll also know you've passed the critical first milestone.

On the pain side of things, you will start to feel weird pains low down in your groin - stitch like pains. Your hormones are starting to relax your ligaments down there etc so they can accommodate your growing uterous. This is normal. But if the pain is severe, or doesn't go away at all, or you feel any pain at all in your shoulder, or if you see a thin 'bean juice' kind of blood, you must contact your EPU and get it checked without delay.

The thing is Keziah, that for the last few years you've been totally in control of your fertility, educated yourself about medical ins and outs, taken vitamins etc and felt like you were at least 'doing something'. What you're doing now is transferring that complusion to 'do something' into this pregnancy because suddenly 'doing nothing' when its become a critical part of your daily life is a difficult habit to break. But the hardest thing about this stage of pregnancy is that it is entirely in the hands of God and nature. You've done EVERYTHING you can to get here - now you need to hand over to nature for a bit. All you can do is wait - and that is incredibly difficult to get your head around. The loss of control is hard hard hard. I know all this because I've walked this walk.

I think the best thing you can do is double check one more time on the drugs and make sure you are taking/not taking what you should be. Then let those worries go. Then you and your DH need to sit down and plan things to do together to keep as distracted as much as you can until the first scan. Eat healthily, gentle exercise, maybe go and see a nutritionist for advice on the right viatmins to take during pregnancy and start those as well. Keep in mind too that as wanted as this pregnanacy is, BEING pregnant is a big thing to get your head around and its not actually the same thing as 'wanting a baby' - your body changing, your emotions, the hopes and fears you'll suddenly have. There's something about a BFP that makes everything more pronounced and in your face. So also use this time to focus on preparing for all that.

I hope I don't sound dismissive or flippant. I genuinely know what you're going through, but you've got to go easy on yourself. Keep talking to us. I have personally found being pregnant incredibly difficult and the last two months have been hell for me and I still have lots of worries about this pregnancy (but that's another post because this is so long now). But what I have learned to develop is patience and stoicism, because I have no choice. And I can't help wondering if this isn't nature's way of preparing us for parenthood, and all the uncertainty that brings. x

boba82 · 07/07/2011 12:27

choccie that's exactly what I was trying to say!

It is so so hard isn't it.

keziah I had AF type cramps for the first 12 weeks at least & was convinced every day that I was going to miscarry. Also felt quite tender like choccie said quite early on. I still get lots of aches and pains. Hope you're feeling a bit better today anyway?

Choccie Give us another post. What's up? Are you and chocciebean ok? Hope you're managing to relax a bit? I know work was stressing you out a bit. x

chocciechip · 07/07/2011 14:07

boba I could rant for a year about EVERYTHING... but the main thing is that I'm not very well. Contracted shingles in May and was on antibiotics and shingles treatment at the same time. Then had to have all my moles checked because they've all grown in pregnancy, and the dermatologists thought one looked potentially dodgy so had to have that removed and sent off for testing - seven stitches later and a nasty scar on my breast. The wound became infected and has still got puss oozing out of it, so I've just started my THIRD course of antibiotics in a row (fourth since May) to try treat that infection. Very worried about impact on baby from all the drugs and have been told that "there are always risks" but consequences if I don't take them are worse than if I do. Apparently if the wound infection worsens it can cause early labour. I am exhausted - chronically exhausted. And have been told this is the result of the infection. If it turns into a temperature I have to be admitted for IV antibiotics.

But what really riles me, is I feel rotten rotten rotten (midwife, GP and obstetrician have ALL said I am having a terrible pregnancy and that my body is struggling to grow the baby and fight the infections at the same time leaving nothing for me - hence huge exhaustion and lethargy). I have black circles under my eyes and look really awful. But in spite of this I am getting ZERO slack or support with work. People delivering me stuff late etc when they KNOW I'm trying to get things wrapped up so I can have time off. I am at breaking point.

DH and I haven't seen anyone since May - mostly because of work (he is now helping me on weekends) and my health - and on Sunday his sister phoned wanting us to go to theirs for a BBQ - very short notice. He told her I was not well (did not elaborate on details) and she hung up on him because he said no to going out. So he phoned back to elaborate how ill I was, including us waiting now for biopsy results for the mole, but she hung up again.

Clearly she thinks I am pregnant and its 'natural' and I am making an issue out of nothing - and that makes me so angry and I think its so unfair and just more pressure on us to pretend to be happy and cheery in the socially acceptable way of 'being a glowing pregnant person'. And if you're not that person, you're a weird self-indulgent freak. When I think about her behaviour my blood boils. So the upshot is, I'm avoiding people because I think if anyone says airily 'Just think about your baby you'll have...', effectively sweeping all this under the carpet as 'no big deal' I might just punch them. I have never been so unwell in my life!! Of course I think about my baby and worry about my baby etc, but its not as if I as a human have ceased to exist... Anyway... sorry for all the anger ... I'm just not very happy at the moment.

boba82 · 07/07/2011 15:03

Hugs to you choccie I'm sorry you're having a shitty time Sad I think that's a real downside of pregnancy - it really can bring out the worst in your body. When do you get the results of your biopsy? It seems so unfair after all you've been through already to get to this point. Glad your DH is being supportive - just ignore his bitchy sister, some people can't see past their own lives and if she isn't even concerned for you when you're ill and pregnant then she doesn't deserve you.

Re the glowing if it's any consolation I certainly amn't [sic?] glowing either. I hate being pregnant and have a list of niggles and complaints as long as my arm plus like you constantly exhausted. I feel like I have ceased being a human being - am now just a sleeping baby growing machine!

Howerver it's got to be worth it in the end, doen't it?

chocciechip · 07/07/2011 15:32

On it being worth it ... my midwife said to me on Wednesday that she thinks I'm going to find the first 6 weeks after baby is born (which everyone else finds so hard) a total breeze after what I've endured in this pregnancy. She said she thinks I'll start feeling better almost instantly and those six weeks will probably feel like a holiday in comparison. Bring it on!!! I told her about DH's sister, and she was annoyed, and said she'd write me a letter to show everyone that in her opinion I am having a dreadful pregnancy Smile. Cheered me up (not that I took her up on it). It was such a boost to just have that affirmed - silly as it sounds - because I'm so wary of people thinking '...well, I've been pregnant and you're exaggerating'. I keep wondering if I am exaggerating myself, and if others just take it in their stride?! Why am I not coping??? She told me that most women have a far far easier time of it so can't relate to what I'm going through - can't tell you how much I needed to hear that because I've almost been judging myself and feeling guilty. We're not all the same and its wrong for people to transpose their experiences onto others, or to judge others by their own experiences. Maybe the '6 weeks thing' will be true for you too!

boba82 · 07/07/2011 16:02

Exactly choccie everyone is different aren't they. I'm not having as nearly a bad time as you but I hope so! Maybe we'll be blessed with very well behaved babies. I'm already praying I'll go a couple of weeks early as I can't stand the thought of another 9-10 weeks of this! If one more person tells me it'll fly by . . . .

Keziahhopes · 07/07/2011 18:28

Hi - thank you boba and choccie so much for talking some sense into me - I needed that. Not helped that I am suddenly off all AD's etc, so anxiety is a bit high!! I think it was more they were telling me "you need xyz if see heartbeat" and that made me panic, plus I had more pain yesterday than I was admitting to and fearing ectopic. Today pain less and have totally taken in what you have both said. I saw dietician today (1yr diagnosed coeliac) and she wants to test my iron levels and stores, so felt listened to and somehow reassured that someone is checking something. Also not helped by amount of heaving pregnant people at work, bizarrely yesterday.

So, have listened and understand that you are right, i was so in control for so so long and now a miracle has happened and I am not in control.

Agree booking some nice things a good idea. We may take a week's holiday in August (when seen a heartbeat!) now, to rest which is something to look forward to - dh fancying Cornwall.

I will come back and post about you all but just dashing out Grin and wanted to thank you ALL for your kind words.

StormBird · 07/07/2011 19:50

FLY BY - Pffffft Boba - Can I join you shaking the fist, it drives me mad when people say that. These last few months have dragged and dragged and dragged for me.

Keziah the girls have given some fab advice, especially about finding stuff to do that will be distracting and going on a little trip away sounds like just what you need.

39 weeks today for me and saw Midwife this afternoon, it seems baby may be Back to Back (FAB!!) which explains all the dull very annoying achy pains in my back and the reason why I wake in the night and have to get on all fours to relieve it a bit. So I will mostly be standing and rolling around on a birthing ball to try and get him to turn.

Another appointment booked for 40 weeks...............I don't think anything is going to happen between now and then Hmm

OP posts:
boba82 · 07/07/2011 20:04

So glad to hear that Keziah

Storm Get bouncing!

I've really felt the little ones kicks a LOT stronger since last night. Did you find that storm, anytime, misslol?

StormBird · 07/07/2011 20:09

How many weeks are you now Boba ??

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Ilovekittyelise · 07/07/2011 21:04

hey ladies

just checking in. choccie, im sorry to hear you are having such a crappy time. your sister in law sounds like a bitch cow and must be ignored. reading your post makes me feel guilty about such a moaning old heffer, as comparitively i have had a very easy 31 weeks (and bloody counting..). when are you due again, i cant see the stats from here. i know you are further along than me, and i also know that at my stage now there would be a 95% chance of survival....if you continue to feel bloody awful and need antibiotics IV has the possiblity of an early section been discussed, or is that too risky given the infection situation? i hope this finds you feeling a little better you poor thing; massive hugs and lots of ladies thinking of you.

i started NCT this week. interesting. the breastfeeding class today. we were warned in advance that the woman is seriously pro breastfeeding, but to be honest i did find her a little OTT (ok, complete effing nazi). she looked at me like i killed her puppy when i asked a question about expressing and my husband helping out (you know, the father of the child...!). i then found myself justifying myself telling her about how my husband needs about 4 or 5 hours sleep a night and it would be mental not to share the burden. she looked at me pitifully....WTF?! i want my baby to love and bond with daddy just as much as me and since when is that a crime? i ended up feeling that she should be chained back to the kitchen sink where she quite clearly belongs, in the dark ages!

right, better go, about to watch a show called 'the killing' - sweet dreams? or not?! xxx

Keziahhopes · 07/07/2011 21:51

All the best MissLolita.

Agree, bouncing time storm.

Choccie = that is hard stuff. Hope you hearing that you have had a tough pregnancy and that you are doing well. Being ill and on antibiotics is tough. However if it reassures you i am under an Immunologist normally and I have to take 1.5g (maximum normal dose that is) of amoxycillin every day throughout pregnancy, 6g (12 capsules) if get an infection or go in for IV drugs. She switched me to amoxycillin for IVF cycle as a safe for baby antibiotic. Being ill is horrible, really hope you feel better soon xxx

WaterKelpie · 07/07/2011 22:37

Aww, Choccie, that sounds so stressful! I don't know how you cope. I feel exhausted enough as it is, just with a bit of pregnancy sickness! Perhaps you'll be rewarded with a very well-behaved baby.

Ilovekitty, what's wrong with expressing? I thought that was an acceptable thing to do, once bf was established. I would quite like DH to help with the feeding when the baby is a few months old (and onwards), so unless he grows his own breasts, I will be expressing milk. Surely that's better than going on to formula?

Nothing much to report here. I've been given my first midwife appointment for 10 weeks (so no bloods until 11 weeks, I presume) and I've got a scan for 12 weeks. Still trying not to get too excited about everything (until after the scan, anyway).

boba82 · 08/07/2011 10:35

I'm 31 weeks today Storm

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