December 2010: no, it's not an autumn pumpkin up my jumper ...

[Miffster]

...and we're gliding towards the third trimester, draped in suitably flowing attire.

Hi guys, hope everyone is doing well! :D well havent been on for a while due to connection problems with the internet :@

anyway...

had my scan at 20 weeks and i couldnt help myself... im having a lil girl!!! :D

dont get to see the midwife again until 27 & 1/2 weeks, does anyone else think this is quite late?

im currently 25 weeks and 5 days and ahhh im soo impaitent i just wana meet her!! - but at the same time im like nooo stay in there!! lol!! anyone else this impaitent?

I am worried tho as no one at all in my family has lasted past 28 weeks pregnant and last few generations all being born at 26 weeks... thats 2 days away!!! panick!!

anyway im all prepared have hospital bag and everything including all her stuff but im absolutly crapping myself... i dont want my poor lil girl to be ill :( being born at 26 weeks myself i know i was very ill as a baby :/

on the plus side my bump is bloody massive X2 the size of my mums when she had me and everyone always comments on how massive i am -(great..) anyway im thinking maybe if she is early she will be a healthier weight?

thankfully i dont belive any of the size is myself as discustingly - i still have tiny sick legs and can still see my ribs at the side :S - very strange considering theres a massive bump there too lol!!

im very healthy for preganancy and only have a low blood pressure 90/60 last time i checked, but its been like that ever since i was little, so no worries there.

im sooo scared and i just constantly dream shes gona come!! - any suggestions or help lol ... :) xxx

Welcome back PJen I would love to go to Canada but perhaps not wjile pregnant!

Yes - I have discovered what looks like stretchmarks - on my breasts

I have been thinking about my birthplan constantly I don't want to come over as a complete control freak but I do want to be listened to and there are certain things I really don't want, pethadine for example. My worry is that I need to work hard at getting my DH to understand his role and that I will maybe need him to speak up for me if I can't

Congratulations wishx on your litle girl :)

thank you! :) - and yep ive found two stretchmarks on left hand side of bump :( not best pleased lol x

hello all, not posted in a while but have been keeping up.

just had 25 week appt (am 24+3) bump measuring 23 but mw not too concerned yet. said he will keep an eye on it and if more than 2 cm below average next appt will refer for growth scan.

got matb1 and then lost it on the way home and cant get the hip grant form until 28 weeks now as im too early.

miffster that is so bad! i would def put a stop on all talk of it until begining of feb at the earliest.

df i was going to go to the baby show but my spd has been really bad when walking for more than a few minutes so decided to give it a miss. i have also made a start on the birth plan. i'm hoping the new mlu will be a bit better than the old labour ward. in both my last pg's i made it clear i wanted to be active as much as poss with only g&a but i was just left on a bed like a zombie with ds and felt pressured to have pethadine with dd1. think that was because i was a bit frantic and they wanted me to calm down. both times i didn't get off the bed from the time i got there til the time babies were born. wont be happening this time!

and i am already covered in stretchmarks :( my belly and boobs look like a road map. had them since ds.

just a quickie as v busy at work today!

HIP grant paid into my account - sent off on 23 Aug - paid in 2 Sep - wondered why I was so flush this month

Miffster I would tell the family to back off as it is far to early for that sort of thing! If there is stuff you think would be better sold - sell it and put the money in a long term savings account for when you come back so you can buy new stuff!

chloesbaby - boo to your GP!!

pitterpatter2 -Ahem - yes the sex thing - we tried to manage that this weekend and were rudely interrupted by DD1! So we sent her off to make "breakfast" whilst Mummy and Daddy "have a cuddle" - she made us mushrooms, pears and jam - well she's not 5 till next week! Funny thing was she managed to cut the pear (!) herself with the apple wedger and then decided to mash the mushrooms with the potato masher! Of course dutifull Mummy made an effort to eat it - although I was "too full" for the mushrooms in jam!

Anyway will try and catch up more tomorrow!

"both times i didn't get off the bed from the time i got there til the time babies were born" WEK! that doesn't doesn't sound good mumatron I really hope it's better now. How did that happen, did they just stop you?

i meant EEK not 'WEK'!

Ha df - I was just trying to work out what WEK stood for :)

chloesbaby that sounds rubbish! there are so many sonographers, mw and gps that seem to have no people skills - surely its obvious we need a bit of reassurance! I asked my GP for the HIP form and he said he'd never heard of it and that was that! I guess I'll ask my mw at 28 weeks, when I saw her at 16 weeks she told me she couldn't remember ever meeting me (at my booking appt) - I mean why did she feel the need to tell me that!
miffster its really hard when you have a defined role within a family and you don't want to be that role all the time! Even though it is you thats usually the rational, advice giving one you need to say 'STOP TREATING ME LIKE THIS!' I would hate my family dividing my stuff up - it's completely insensitive to anyone let alone a pregnant lady.

Also re Birth plans, some of the second time mums at my yoga class were saying how its best not to have a really firm plan as then you may be really upset if you can't have that for any reason. I don't know much about it, I can't seem to get round to actually considering the birth yet (denial maybe!)

Big wave to everyone else

miffster I'm not surprised you're & with your family - what a self-centred bunch they sound! Put your foot down and tell them to back off.

chloe sorry about the GP experience. FYI, you can't get your HIP form until 25wks so I don't know what she was going on about.

Pjen welcome back from your hols

DH and I were off work today and with DD at nursery indulged in some mid-morning sex

kitty & DF I would second the other 2nd timers re having a flexible birth plan. I went into my first birth with an idea of what I wanted to happen but I accepted all the way along that I might have to make changes once things started. As it turned out, I ended up with lots of intervention ending in an emcs and even though I'd tried to be prepared, I was still gutted about it for a long long time. So I would say it's good to have a clear idea of your preferences, but make sure you know all about the interventions as things can become out of your control. DF definitely coach your birth partner (DH/DP) - without going into long drawn out detail, one of the things I found upsetting was that I didn't feel DH had advocated for me when I needed it but believe me, there were exceptional circumstances which meant I didn't hold it against him . Anyway, as I'm going for a VBAC, I can't really 'plan' anything until I've seen the consultant next week. Kitty denial worked great for me last time round

I guess what I am worried about RE the birth is stuff like not being 'allowed' to be active. Of course if there's a real reason why I have to be on my back on the bed then so be it. I also don't want to be induced as soon as I go over 40 weeks (if I go that far) so will be researching how to stay strong and insist on monitoring. Best advice I think is to try not to be scared.

DF I think it's entirely natural to have some fear of the unknown, but that's where reading up and going to classes really helps. As long as there's no need for you to be continuously monitored, there's no reason you can't be as active as you want/can manage. Even if you are being continuously monitored, that doesn't mean you have to lie on the bed, but it does restrict your movement to around the monitor. If I had known then what I know now, I'd have resisted induction, but it's difficult to know what the right thing to do is without the benefit of hindsight. I think ultimately, you need to make sure you are involved in the decision making at every stage, rather than being told what to do as that will help you feel more in control.

I think I must have the most flexible birth plan going, because it's all about my preferences under circumstances - e.g. I'd like to have an active home water birth, but if I have to go into hospital, I then have a whole new set of preferences, all the way down to C-section.

I think really it's more for DH and I, so that I can get my head straight about what I'd like to do if x/y/z happens and so I can make sure DH always knows what my answer would be if I can't communicate my wishes.

The only things that are set are stuff like not stopping moving around to make life easier for hospital staff - if there's a genuine medical reason for something, then fine. Oh and not wanting an epidural at all - but that's because of health issues that mean it would be more difficult and is less likely to work! But if I need a EMCS, I'm fine with trying a spinal.

I think being knowledgeable so that you can be involved in decision making is the most important thing to have a birth you are happy with afterwards.

DF - have you checked out what your local policies are, e.g. on induction? I found that very helpful...now know for example that the hospital we're booked in under doesn't induce just for being post-dates until 40+14/42 weeks. I've decided that I'm not happy with being induced on New Year's Eve (42+1 for me), so if baby is happy staying put till then, they'll have to wait till the new year to avoid any staffing issues.

As far as I can see the Policy where I am is that they offer to induce between 41 and 42 weeks. They do offer twice weekly checks after 42 weeks, and a scan.

miffsterI am at your family.Yes IT IS all about you, right now. Jeeez, you are entitled to feel bloody upset and emotional even if you were not pg, its a big change. Can you start getting to know some people from the ex-pat community now -surely they will be all over you when you turn up with a new baby to fuss over?

Re Birth Plans Ihave got a hypnotherapy CD which will hopefully get me in the right frame of mind to start the labour off at least,as I am a bit of a panicker but don't want to get all doped up.

DF if your DH is your birth partner you will have to have a series of long chats with him about his role, what you expect and how he can be assertive in the face of an unknown environment. He has to know this all so well it is instinctive, know how you want your environment,how you want touched, what you need, as you may be unable to talk. I know my DP felt useless and helpless throughout most of my first delivery, as he did not know what to expect and deferred to the midwives, as we had gone along with the " don't plan,just wait and see" approach. He needs to be thinking about it as much as you!

I don't have any new stretchmarks- they are still there from first baby, lol.

I had a bad bout of envy the other day as was shopping and nipped into Mamas and Papas, there were all these young pg women choosing coordinating outfits and bedding with their mum or DP and leaving with bags of gorgeous baby stuff.

OTOH I have got our new room ready and the other kids all settled into their new rooms so we are all ready for baby, even if she does not have a lovely nursery and only second hand clothes.I do love Ebay,though :)

This will be my 4th baby and I'm still really worried about the birth, tearing, what could go wrong etc, I was actually terrified before I got pregnant but am a little less so now. Some days are worse than others!

Anyone else getting restless legs at night? I was awake for hours last night tossing and turning and then the heartburn was making me feel sick and I was having pains and my hips killed. Been happening a lot more often now and it's at the point I expect it every night. It's really horrible and tiring all the next day.

I have to go back to court on Wednesday, really want that to be over with, I just hope it's quick, couldn't get hold of my solicitor today so I have no idea what's happening still.

Praying for no rain on Saturday for our wedding but it's looking likely that it will :(

Feeling so many kicks now, really strong ones, can see my stomach move so much and a lot are so painful. Plus I'm massive now, I don't see how I can stretch much more and I'm only 25 weeks! My belly button has popped out and it didn't do that until the last few weeks before I'm sure.

df with ds i wasn't in any fit state to stand as i had been on the gas and air for so long i hardly even knew my own name. i think the mw should of taken abit of control and got me up on my feet, i went to hospital at 7am and was 8cm dilated, he wasn't born until 3.35pm and i think that was because of being so flat on the bed. with dd1 i was told there no way i was in labour and i needed constant monitoring due to meconium in the waters and and iv drip for antibiotics. so while i was never told i had to stay on the bed, i wasn't encouraged to do otherwise.

this time i plan to stay away from g&a aslong as poss. it worked well as pain relief for me but it knocks me out and i want to stay up and active for as long as poss this time.

very flexible on birthplan though. basically it will say 'hoping for waterbirth and not to be offered pethadine/epidural under any circumstance' i will also specify that i would rather go straight for cs than try ventouse/forcep delivery. apart from that, i plan on taking it as it comes and seeing how i feel at the time.

I wondered about the whole Pethadine/Epidural thing. My plan was to say a definite no to Pethadine but be open minded about an Epidural but to be honest I really don't want one.
People say I should stay flexible and use the phrase 'if possible' a lot but I really son't want a highly medicated birth and would like to be able to feel what I am doing at the pushing stage. Does that make sense?

oh - and to add... I have lost count of the number of people (including midwives) who have said to me 'that's what the drugs are for' whenever I have talked about coping with labour. I feel like everyone wants to steer me towards an epidural. Even one of my best friends offered to be my birthing partner 'so you get all the drugs you ask for'!

it seems to be an alien concept to many that I might want to try without.

Makes perfect sense to me.

Because of my issues meaning epidurals are both harder & less likely to work, DH knows that part of his role will be, if I start saying I can't cope and want an epidural, to ask me "why?".

Also, if we have to go into hospital, a big part of his role will be helping me and negotiating with MWs so that I can stay as active as possible.

My plan is to say no to pethidine because I want to use the pool (and think it'll be more effective for me). If the pool is ruled out, then I'd consider opiates, including the newish epi-fentanyl they have on offer at the hospital here. I like that it's very quick acting and quick to be dealt with, so it won't be sticking in my system if I decide I hate it.

I think that, other than things like specifically not wanting to be offered pethidine, birth plans seem to be mostly for the birth partners! Because a lot of decisions, such as whether to use pain relief, will depend so much on circumstances.

I had a really active birth with DD. I was jumping round like a nutcase with every contration, it actually seemd to help with the pain, probably coz it distracted me and I was a little sleep deprived as I was just going to bed when my water broke. Plus I was waiting for DH to get to the hospital as he was sent down south to work two weeks before I was due, he missed it by 20mins but made a 7 hour journey in 5 and a half hours.

WRT pain relief, I had G&A both times once I was 7-8cm. I had pethidine both times though DS was born literally a minute after I was given it so it didn't do a thing. The only thing I was clear about not wanting was an epidural. I was asked whether I wanted pain meds when I got to the delivery ward both times and told them a definite no to epidural, but see how it goes for G&A and pethidine.

I really need some more sleep. The last couple of nights I haven't been able to get to sleep and then I've either been waking up in the middle of the night for an hour or two or been tossing and turning all night. Maybe it's my bodies way of getting me used to very little sleep when baby comes. Got to say I'd prefer some decent sleep til she's born though.

DF you don't have to have any pain relief if you don't want to. I've never had an epidural after 3 children and don't intend to start now. I prefer natural birth and barely even used gas and air. The last one I used it when they told me to as they were trying to put a clip on ds's head, that hurt more than anything else! They tried 5 or so times and couldn't do it so gave up and I stopped with the gas and air again then.

With my first I actually asked for something else but they didn't check me first (assumed I would be in labour for hours, I wasn't none have been more than 3 and a half) and gave me pethidine just as I hit the pushing stage. I was in transition when I asked for something and it's very common for women to say they can't cope during this phase. The pethidine didn't affect me until after I'd had dd but I think it may have affected her as she was born grunting, not able to feed and needed scbu for a week.

It really is up to you, if you want to put in your birth plan that you don't want x, y, z then do so, I did with mine. Tbh I doubt I'll bother with one at all this time, I know what I want/don't want and am happy to deal with it when the time comes.

makes sense to me as well df i seem to labour really well without any medical intervention, but when i get the gas and air im off my feet and thing seem to be out of my control.

i can see why people have epidurals etc but i don't feel it's right for me personally. i wouldn't think bad of someone who had one.

i haven't been sleeping either this last week. have been on the sofa everynight at 3am. restless leg are drivnig me to distraction and i just can't settle. not too much of a prob atm as im off work for a few days but wont be good when im back.

dp is having a bit of a freak out about my measuring small. i have given up telling him it's nothing to worry about yet. he is now force feeding my milk in the hope it will make her bones grow! bless him.

Morning all, really interested in all your opinions on pain relief and birthing plans - it's great to hear that I'm not crazy to be planning to be well informed but flexible when the moment comes.

Pethidine seems to be the one thing most people don't want. Is that because you're worried about it entering into the baby's blood stream?

My DH is CONVINCED that he's communicating with the bump. He puts his mouth up very close and says "This is your father talking." Then he asks questions, instructing the baby to "kick once for yes, twice for no". Very sweet...

hettie for me, pethadine is a no no as i find it knocks me out, if i was to have it i would have it earlier in the labour process to allow myself time to wake up a bit from it. the thing with all these drugs is that the have different affects on different people and for alot of us labpur will be the first time we have them, so we don't know what they will be like iyswim.

Hi Ladies,

Not posted in a while so thought I'd pop in and say hello. I've been keeping up to date though.

I've just spent a lovely week in Cornwall and was sad to say goodbye to family and friends. Most likely the next time I'll see them I'll have my two little girls

They had organised a baby shower for me whilst I was down, which was lovely, I got some beautiful blankets, toys, dolls and some clothes. I felt very spoilt and a bit guilty as everyone had bought me 2 of everything

PJen No more leaking, I've been exercising my pelvic floor since then! Are we planning on a meet up soon? There is a toddler and baby show on at Twickenham Rugby Stadium see here on the 19th September, I don't think it's huge but worth a visit I think.

I am feeling a lot of kicks, one baby is head down and quite well behaved, the other has her head right under my ribs and is a real wriggler, it's pretty uncomfortable especially at night!

C section for me, but all the birth plan stories are scary, especially when people who've already had 3 babies are scared I keep having very strange dreams about it all.

My belly button has already popped and I've gone from 66kg down to 63kg now back up to 73kg so far this pregnancy and am 26 weeks. No stretchmarks as yet but I think I'll probably get them. At my scan yesterday the babies approx weights were 1kg & 0.978kg I thought that sounded quite big.