I thought I will start from the beginning when I was pregnant with my first. I was living in Euston so I was booked into UCLH (Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Wing) who were fantastic and very supportive. I wasn't thinking about a homebirth at all and I definitely didn't think there was anywhere else to give birth but in hospital. The midwives were fantastic I had one midwife for the whole of my care with them; I had her mobile number and could call her whenever I needed her.
By 34weeks we moved to East London where all my problems started. I booked in with Newham General Hospital and right from the beginning I knew I didn?t want to be there. I used to live here so knew about the hospital, from friends giving birth there and hating the experience, the news and the way the hospital was dirty and all the hospital bugs and the internet were I read lots of negative stories.
I was booked giving my new notes. No named midwife, I was tolled you will just see whoever was there at the time of your appointment. I went over my due date so was booked in to see the consultant, he booked an induction date for the 13th Mar 2007 (40+12days hospital policy) which I just nodded to as I knew no difference and just thought he knew more than me.
The 13th came I went in at 7.30am my appointment time with my husband. Sat at the Induction and also the post natal ward reception for about an hour while there were doing hand over?s. Was giving a bed at 9am next to other women with babies. Sat there with my DH wondering when I was going to get induced. Was told labour ward was full so I had to wait until labour ward confirms I can be induced. While waiting to be induced my husband had an argument with the male cleaner who just opened my curtains without letting us know as I had that machine on that traces the heartbeat and so wasn?t covered being Muslims my husband was very upset and to be honest any man would be. The cleaner didn?t apologise and just carried on and my husband had to tell him to get out and the guy started moaning that my husband shouldn?t be there because it wasn?t visiting hours yet!
That over, I was giving the gel at 4.30pm. The midwife was quite nice. I had already being having some strong BH days before anyway and to be honest I wished I hadn?t been induced as I would have gone into labour naturally eventually. I started having strong contractions pretty much straight away. By 8.00 pm my contractions were pretty strong and wasn?t coping very well so the midwife told us to for a walk which we did. It was very very painful but I was still breathing through them not hysterical yet. We got back and then they told us well visiting time is over now so he has to go home and that I wasn?t in proper labour yet and that they will call him when am in labour. I didn?t want him to leave and he didn?t want to leave to so we decided to go back out together and sit on a bench outside the hospital with me in the hospital gown. It was so horrible being in labour outside the hospital just because we wanted to stay together. Then we went back inside and went to like a reception place with chairs where people wait for appointments etc as I wanted to lie down. It was very uncomfortable so I decided that my DH should go home and I will go back to the ward.
He took me back to the ward and went on his way home..as soon as I got back in I started to feel like pushing and I was telling the mws that am feeling like pushing but I was told not to be silly and that I should go and get in the bath. So I did that and came back out as it wasn?t comfortable. Still feeling like pushing I told the mws again and I think the head of midwife at the ward said to me ?oh you just push we are all midwives here we will just deliver you?. I was feeling really upset and sad as I didn?t want to deliver there and I must have been scaring all the other women some waiting for inductions and some who had already had babies.
I went and laid down on my bed and shut the curtains, 5mins later (9pm) I here a pop and my waters breaking. At this point I couldn?t hold it anymore and started shouting for the midwives who were no where to be seen and a very nice lady came to help me and she was holding my hands and telling to be calm she could barely speak English but she was soo nice I could see she was in labour as well but she was still there holding my hands and telling to call my husband, and that I shouldn?t push and to wait for my husband. I must have been squashing the life out of her hands but she was still there with encouragement.
A midwife eventually came it must have been about 10mins later and told this woman to go away and that I was fine. As she was Ieaving without even asking if I was ok I shouted that my waters just broke. Then she came back and said oh.. Then started to tell me to get off the bed so she could change it and for me to go and change my clothes. I couldn?t get up and was wishing my DH was there to help me. She was been very inpatient and very impolite literally shouting at me to get up but I couldn?t as the contractions were on top of each other. I told her I wanted some pain relief and she said after she changes the bed first. She grabbed my hands and pulled me up and told me to go and change. I staggered to the toilet and got change while she changed the bed. On my return she pulled my top up and gave me an injection and I swear I never knew what she was doing only later I realized she had giving pethidine well I guess anyway. To be honest I was only asking for gas and air. Anyway she checked me and said I was 5cm by the way I didn?t give permission for that either.
10pm my husband was back and a midwife came from the MW led unit as labour ward was short staffed and they took me to the labour ward. I had my feet up in stirrups and was on that g&a like it was my best friend. I don?t remember anything from now on until the g&a was taking away from me and was told its time to push. I couldn?t believe it and thought OMG she?s soo cruel. I started pushing and the head was visible my DH says when she pushed the head back in and gave me a cut because she thought I will tear otherwise. Baby was born at 11pm 7lb..Taken back down to post natal/induction/general ward for mums who were having problems with general pregnancy issues. Of course they sent my DH home hours after his first son was born.
Oh after having baby he was taking away from me and put under the light and while I was being stitched I remember crying I want my baby and the mw telling no you have to wait. I had only seen him when he was put on my after being born and that was over an hour ago as I had a shower, I didn?t even touch him I felt like he was hers. My inlaws had given us a lovely outfit which we decided will be the first thing our baby will wear. The MW asked for clothes for the baby, we gave this to her but she said no she just wants a vest and a body suit! We couldnt be asked to argue as you can imagine..
On postnatal ward a midwife came to me and said here?s a bottle I was like no I want to breast feed and she said well that?s your problem if you want to be up all night feeding. I just nodded my head and gave a smile. Another lady called a mw for help with bf the women was about 4beds away from me and I heard the mw shout ?this is your second baby, you should know this by now?. From this point I thought that?s it never again giving birth at the hospital as I knew we wanted more kids. As soon as I got home I started looking on the internet for homebirth. My baby must have been a month and I knew my next baby will be born at home. I was seeing things about homebirth refusals and read lots about it but didn?t think that will happen to me.
April2008
I went in for my booking appointment at Newham. No mention of where do you want to give birth so I said to the mw I want a homebirth. She said that has been suspended and carried on asking me question about my medical history. I couldn?t believe what I was hearing I went silent for a moment and thought about all those things I had read on the internet and it was happening to me. She looked up at me and I was like there was no way am giving birth here again and I wanted a homebirth. I told I had already written an email to som and she had told me to discuss this with you and no mention of staff shortages. She called a more senior mw who came and started no you cant have a homebirth we haven?t got enough staff blah blah blah.. I was very insistent that I was to be booked in for a homebirth and my 1year old was getting tired as we had been there for 2hours already. Then the senior mw said we will put home as a choice for place of birth but its not guaranteed and you will have to come in when in labour and we don?t have mws to send to you. I thought fair enough for now as I wanted to go home.
As soon as I got home I wrote another email to som explaining what had happened. Received a reply saying we are recruiting and they aren?t any suitable mws and by the time in due in oct it should be all sorted.
Continued having appointment with mw at gp surgery..who was absolutely fantastic and very encouraging she told me to continue fighting as she and some other mws love doing homebirths but obviously cant go over the head of management.
I was about 7months now and lovely mw told me that there is still no homebirths and no new mws. At this point I thought that?s it am not sitting here and waiting anymore and I wanted a guaranteed homebirth. Contacted AIMS wrote letters to everyone possible even my local MP. A very strong one to my chief exec and som. At this point I was so emotionally drained, cried lots whenever I think about not having a homebirth and having my baby at the hospital. Spent hours everyday looking for help anywhere possible, called all local hospitals but was told we do homebirths but you aren?t in our borough even though 3were within 6miles of my home. I felt I was getting no where, I was emotionally drained, I had a meeting with a senior mw from the hospital and she was so horrible and mean and didn?t care about what i wanted but came to tell me to come to hospital to have the baby in the mw unit and they wont send anyone if I call to tell them am in labour they will send me an ambulance and it was my problem basically. And if anything happen to baby should i refuse to come in, it will be my fault.. I was crying and telling her what happened to me the first time but she was so cold. She told me things have now changed as she was in charge of the wards and they don?t mix women anymore and the hospital is now clean blah blah blah...
I think I had giving up at this point even though I knew I wasn?t going to give birth there I didn?t know what I was going to do. I went to see a birth centre an hour away from my house I was that desperate and decided I might have to give birth there.
One day I was out with DH shopping when I got a phone call from an IM who said Newham had employed her to do my homebirth, I couldn?t believe it. I was so excited and jumping around I was 34weeks. It took them 3weeks to sort out contract etc with the IM. I finally met her when I was 37wks. She was fantastic www.midwifemal.co.uk/ me and my husband liked her straight away. She told us about herself and how she used to be a som at the Newham and how she had been a midwife for 24years.
I couldn?t believe that I was going to have a homebirth. And I actually have a midwife who was so experienced and so lovely. It felt like i was dreaming and it wasnt...
From now on I had antenatal appointments couple or more times a week just so I could get to know her and the other mw who will be at the birth. They were so lovely and we will spend hours at each appointment answering all our questions and preparing us for our birth. They also did reflexology on me from 39wks I think. We had a whole session on breast feeding and another on birth etc.
Finally my homebirth...
It was Friday the 17th of October (40+4) and I had an antenatal and reflexology session with mal at 12pm. She did reflex to get labour to start. she offered a sweep but I declined as I had been having some strong BH 2 nights b4 where I thought I was actually in labour but then stopped. After mal left, I continued to have on and off contractions. About 4pm I went to see my DH who was asleep as he had worked the night b4 and was going to work night again. I was excited and told him I think this is it and I don?t think you should go to work. We were abit doubtful as to whether I was in labour so decided to let him go to work.
I was ironing and then at one point having to stop to breath through the contraction. Then I knew I was in labour but still not sure so called mal who said she couldnt be sure that I should have a bath and then it might either speed up or stop. So went and had a bath with DS1 it was 7pm by now and put him to sleep. Came and sat down to watch tv and ate a baked potato. I had to wait for the contraction to stop then I ran to the kitchen to get some food. I was still not sure if I was in labour. By 8pm I put on the tens. It was really helpful and I kept going to sit on the toilet as it felt quite nice. I still didn?t think I was in labour. Then by 9pm mal called me to see how I was, she immediately knew I was in labour and told me to call my husband home and she will be on her way. I called my DH and I was like you need to leave now, he?s like are sure maybe I will wait half and hour more and I was like no you need to leave now! and hang up..he thought I wasn?t in labour either and didn?t want to come home and then have to go to work the next day as I wasn?t in labour..
Anyway he left and got stuck in traffic at the blackwall tunnel and called me to say I was in traffic. He got home at 9.45 and started putting the pool up and filling it with water. Mal arrived at 10pm. She was so calm and her presence was soo relaxing. I felt like an angel had walked in. The tens was playing up and by now it was on full and mal helped me to breathe and not to tense up through the contraction. I then laid down to be checked with consent of course and couldnt believe it when mal said I was 8cm!!! I got in the pool and it was so lovely. My DH sat in chair in front me rubbing my back it was so nice am actually smiling thinking about it all.
Second midwife came some time later and I was just listening to the Quran in the back ground and reciting that I was almost not feeling any pain. The lights were dimed and mal and amelia just stood in the back ground and let us to get on with things in our own way. I just let my body do the work and was just so relaxed. Baby was born at 12.50am though I had to get out the water straight away as he was having difficulty breathing.
The cord wasn?t cut and mal was so calm and kept saying he is breathing. I wasn?t worried at all because I knew he was fine. He was giving some oxygen and started crying straight away. He was 10LB, we couldnt believe it, and I didn?t have a cut or tear, unlike with my 7lb baby where I was cut.
My husband cut the cord after it stopped pulsating and read a prayer in his ears. I then breastfeed him and worked on getting the placenta out. Mal put a bin bag in the toilet and I sat on the toilet and the placenta came out. We buried it in the garden the next day. DS1 was asleep so decided not to wake him up mal and amelia left at 3 and we went to our bed with our new baby. And my DH didn?t have to leave! Mal showed me different positions to feed baby as I had problems with my first. Hes 3months now and been feeding breast exclusively. His already too big for his 3-6months clothes!
It was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life and have already started saving for next baby in a few years time. We will definitely be paying Mal to look after me right from the beginning..
Hope this helps someone to fight for what you want. Mal has a contract with Newham for few more months I think doing their homebirths. I am so glad I kept fighting as now other women won?t have to go through what I did hopefully.