Grandparents visiting at 8pm at night

[mc260]

I need help with how to tackle this situation as it's causing stress in my pregnancy.

After I had my first baby, it's the first GC on my partners side of the family, so they were really excited. My family all visited during the day and my partners side (MIL DIL and older sister) all work so said they couldn't come until 8pm!!! I was knackered and really emotionally drained after quite a rough birth and lots of blood loss, they stayed for hours and they sat on the other side of the room to me and just passed around the baby and didn't really talk to me and just amongst themselves. I started getting really upset as I wanted my baby back and it still upsets me to think about.

I started trying to invite them at set times but cause of work one of them wouldn't be able to come and insisted they had to come as a three. My partner insisted this too and still came at that time of night, when I wouldn't want them round for visits as it's felt more like having guests than people to help. But cause I had my mum over during the day who doesn't work and I'm so close with she could come and just help me and be there emotionally for me it seems like I'm favouring her. But that's my mum and she was here to help and not 3 people visiting the baby.

Now I have 1 year old and I'm pregnant with my next baby, I don't want a repeat of this. I want all visitors gone by the time my toddler has his dinner then the evening just time to chill with my partner and the baby alone. Which means my parents will be able to visit during weekdays (when I really want my mum there for support) and unless they book a half day off work, they won't be able to visit until weekends (and DiL still works the mornings) my sisters and nieces will all also have to visit at this time too. And I don't want long visits so me, toddler and partner can all bond.

I just don't know how to approach this without them getting annoyed? As my parents will be able to visit week days as they don't work, and it will probably just be my mum, who I really want there after I give birth.

This is a DH issue rather than your issue. Tell him to put his foot down with his family. They can't come that late as the eldest child will be in bed.
They sound like a bunch of arseholes to completely ignore you and pass your baby around like a bloody pass the parcel game. If they can't meet the timings you're giving then they'll have to come to some other arrangement. Can baby visit DHs family without you? In other words DH take baby for an hour or so. That way you get a bit of a rest?

Yanbu and I agree that it's a husband problem. As they work Mon-Fri then they need to be told to visit on a Saturday or Sunday (if they haven't taken a day off work) 8pm is a terrible time to visit and your h needs to say no. They choose to visit as a threesome which isn't your problem to work around.

Just make sure everyone knows no visitors after 7 pm as toddler (and you!) will be in bed. It's up to your DH to enforce that with his family and if he doesn't just go to bed and leave him to it.

Excellent idea getting DH to take baby to their house for 1 hour between 6-7 and that will give you 1 on 1 time with your toddler to get them to bed.

Wtf. People are so inconsiderate. As above, this is an issue with your partner. He needs to prioritise you and the children and advocate for your needs. No evening visits - when you've got a toddler who wants to sleep and you're recovering from birth and trying to get into some semblance of a routine with a new baby - is not unreasonable. I can't believe they would do that. Whether your mum comes in the week or not is none of their business and is completely irrelevant. She's your mum and she's available. Why shouldn't you spend time with whoever you want while the others are at work?

In your shoes I'd be telling DH to get his arse in gear, step up as a partner and a father, and lay some ground rules. If he won't, I'd take the baby up to bed at 7pm before they get there on the nights they visit, take a drink and some chocolates and just relax up there. Leave DH to explain. If they get mad, so what? Let it be DH's problem and don't concern yourself with what they think of you. They certainly aren't bothered about imposing on you.

I agree with the other mums here, I would tell my DH to sort it out, and be firm.

We’ve been together years but anytime there is something to arrange with his parents or discuss, no matter how insignificant or important, he is the one doing it.

Omg I am in the exact same position but I didn't think about it til reading this post. I will probably say come on the weekend and if they can't then they are welcome to come at 8 but I'll be in bed for 8.30!

Can't you invite them on a weekend instead?

An 8pm visit is not convenient when you have a toddler so I would just be really clear that they need to visit on a weekend if they can't come earlier in the day