Announcement after missed miscarriage

[Loulou00987]

Hi,

I had 2 missed miscarriages in a row last year... my immediate family and friends knew when we were going through this but no one else. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and all looking well, however I really feel like I am unready to share our news with anyone yet. I dont know why I feel like this, maybe I'm scared ill jinx things, maybe I don't fully believe all will be OK myself, maybe I'm scared it will resurface all the awful memories of the last year. I also have 2 young children and scared about telling them incase something awful happens and we lose this baby and then I have to explain to them (we hid the 2 mmc last year from them).
I guess I'm just wondering if this is normal and anyone who has had recurrant miscarriage then went on to have a successful pregnancy, did you feel like this? Should I just keep my news a secret until I feel ready to tell friends and family, will I ever feel ready? Sorry for the rant, feeling a bit lost in my emotions and also still really sad about the 2 we lost. Not sure if I thought having another pregnancy would heal that pain, but it certainly hasn't. Would appreciate any thoughts from others who have been through the same. Thanks xx

[YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie]

I totally understand how you feel. We had 3 miscarriages in a row, including a very traumatic one where I was very ill as a result. When we had to announce our pregnancy with dd I must have seemed the most miserable woman alive. I think I actually cried when we told MIL. I didn’t want congratulations as I couldn’t believe it would end well, for me or the baby. Thankfully it did and dd is here. We felt we had to tell people as we had other dc who we felt should know, and it wouldn’t then have felt right to essentially keep it secret from other family. But the actual announcing I hated.

[Tangerinedreamx]

Hi @Loulou00987 , I haven't been through this myself but didn't want you to go unanswered. I imagine what you are feeling would be completely normal, almost like you are guarding/protecting your feelings because of all that you have been through. I think there is no pressure to tell anybody until you feel completely ready and try and not let that part stress you. Whats the Rushford? Focus on you, your pregnancy and your family until you feel the time is right to share the news. Have you spoke to your partner about these feelings? Or even your midwife at your next appointment? Congratulations, by the way 🎊

[Loulou00987]

Thanks for your reply. I'm so sorry for your losses and experience. My second one was also very traumatic and I think everything I went through with that still impacts me. I just want to feel happy again and I really thought having a healthy pregnancy would make me feel like that (I'm obv delighted and feeling very blessed about this pregnancy) but in general I'm still so unhappy and the anxiety is crippling me. I cant relax and believe this is happening, I should be shouting my news from the rooftops but reality is I'm terrified to do so and want to keep it my own secret for time being... I just worry I'll still feel the same way in like 6 weeks etc. When will I ever feel ready to tell everyone and when will I ever relax and start enjoying it.... probably not until baby is in my arms! Its so hard x

[Loulou00987]

@Tangerinedreamx thank you! My husband knows, I'm not sure he fully understands though, he would happily tell everyone and is so excited and talks to my tummy etc (I don't even like him doing that, I think I'm almost trying to block out getting attached incase anything goes wrong). I have an apt on Thursday so maybe I will discuss with midwife then and get her advice. Thanks for reply x

[Bronzeturtle]

I had a still birth in 2011. I was pregnant again within 4 months. I was still looking pregnant from the first pregnancy ( went to 41 weeks) so never mentioned it to anyone other than my family. If someone asked outright I didn’t lie- but it was on a need to know basis. Several people rather surprised when I announced a baby! I was still cautious with my next two pregnancies. My big two were 6 and 8 when I was pregnant with my youngest. I waited will I was 20 weeks before even telling them, and only told them then as I was starting to show! I didn’t want to disappoint them if the baby didn’t make it.

[YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie]

I don’t think anyone truly relaxes after a loss. I realised how lucky and naïve I was in my first pregnancies, miscarriage didn’t even seem like a possibility. Once you have that innocence taken away, it’s impossible not to worry. I really regret that I didn’t get the chance to enjoy pregnancy with dd, but it was so so hard. Physically it was a struggle as my hips packed up, but mentally it was just torture. I couldn’t believe I’d have a baby at the end of it. Just be sure to talk to your midwife about it. I was pretty much left alone as I already had 3dc and it was assumed I’d be fine. I wish I’d been more clear that I needed some support, both before and after the birth. I did write in my birth plan to please help me not to panic if I bled a bit after the birth. That was pretty much all that was on there, and luckily for me they did read it and made sure to not let me panic. I nearly died from blood loss after our third miscarriage and the sheer terror of that happening again played on my mind for the whole pregnancy. I really wish you the best of luck x please do chat to your midwife though, these feelings are very normal x

[Pollywoddles]

I’m so sorry about your miscarriages. From my experience (7 miscarriages before a successful pregnancy) what you’re feeling is completely normal and I went through the same. In my opinion there’s no rush on telling anyone and you shouldn’t put pressure on yourself to do so.

We didn’t tell anyone until 14 weeks (after scan at dating appointment and low risk NIPT) and even then it was only immediate family as in parents. I didn’t tell my brother or sister until I was 24 weeks because I wasn’t seeing them in person. I didn’t tell any of my friends until after the anomaly scan at 20 weeks. Luckily I was still able to fit into my normal clothes and with Covid I wasn’t seeing anyone frequently.

My consultant was scanning us every week until I could feel movement due to my ‘horrific obstetric history’. I used to carry a packed hospital bag in the car in case I had to go to hospital at short notice because for one of the MCs we went for a 8 week scan but then ended up having a D&C that same day because the heartbeat had stopped and I had nothing for the hospital.

I didn’t buy anything for the baby until I was about 35 weeks. Basically I was always afraid of jinxing it and I didn’t dare to dream that it would work out.

Share when you feel ready and only to those that you need to. That helped me. As you progress and start to show and feel movement you will feel more able to tell people I promise. The worry won’t ever go away but I definitely found that my anxiety improved in the third trimester. Try to enjoy it and congratulations 🤗

[moose62]

I had 3 missed miscarriages and when finally got pregnant again with my son I didn't tell anyone till the 20 week check. I list all of mine at 12-13 weeks so did not want to go through telling people again.

[rainbowplease]

I told my DC at 28 weeks as that's when I started to properly look pregnant and I didn't want anyone to ask me in front of them.
I'm due this month and haven't actually made an announcement so the only people who know are those who see me. Have only bought a few sleepsuits etc.
I don't think most people ever relax after a loss so what you're feeling is completely normal. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

[Magicfeet11]

Totally felt the same. I held off telling people as long as I could and even then only close friends and family. Never understood these people who do a big SM announcement just feels like tempting fate to me.
I also hated doing the preparation beforehand - getting the nursery ready, buying a pram etc so much so that when the baby arrived safe and well at 37 weeks I had to do an emergency Amazon order! 🤣