My partner and I have found out we're expecting. I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant. Partner and I are absolutely delighted and very much looking forward to baby's arrival.
We had an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year and were both utterly devastated when it resulted in the loss of our baby. Sadly, we didn't even realise we were pregnant as I still had my Mirena coil in place so unfortunately when I went to the GP with pain, we were told we were pregnant and losing our baby all within the space of a few hours. I ended up in an ambulance and emergency surgery resulted in the loss of a Fallopian tube as well as my child.
The ectopic pregnancy gave my partner much pause for thought and we wondered why on Earth we were waiting to start a family when life is so short. Once we were able to, we started TTC and are now delightfully pregnant.
I am 33, my partner is 38. My partner has two sons from his previous marriage aged 11 and 17 with whom we have a great relationship and see every weekend. I don't have any children of my own so this baby will be my first.
Because we had an ectopic pregnancy last time, we've been booked in for an early reassurance scan at the hospital at 7 weeks just to check everything is ok. I'm understandably very anxious in case something goes wrong again.
Although we've decided to wait until at least 12 weeks before we say anything, my big issue surrounds telling my family.
My parents are divorced and both re-married. My Dad mainly brought us up as Mum was an alcoholic who wasn't particularly reliable when we were kids. My relationship with Mum is much better now as although she still drinks, I can control only seeing her in daylight hours, etc. so she's actually much more pleasant to be around now I'm an adult.
Mum was weirdly very supportive during and after my ectopic pregnancy and so consequently I decided to tell her I'm pregnant again, mainly because if something goes wrong again at least I know I've got that support from her.
My Dad and my brother on the other hand....
We haven't got any grandchildren in the family yet. My brother has got this massive bee in his bonnet about having “the first grandchild” as he’s got this firm belief that it will be the “most special” and will be treated better than any subsequent grandchildren that come along. Neither Dad nor Mum have ever said such a thing (to my knowledge) but brother is absolutely adamant that he will be having the first grandchild in order to achieve this “special” status. I’m so frightened of telling him I’m pregnant in case he’s angry with me and resents my baby. My brother's fiancée is 10 years younger than me and hasn’t lost a Fallopian tube like I have so they’ve got a much bigger window of opportunity to have children than I have but I don't think that will matter to him.
Dad’s a weird one. He wasn’t in the least bit sympathetic when I lost my baby earlier this year. He said I didn’t have the right to be upset as the loss was early and we hadn’t planned it. I found this devastating. When he drove me home from hospital he said he hoped this experience would make me think long and hard about having children in future (meaning he doesn’t think I should have any). I’m just really worried that he’ll be angry when I tell him I’m pregnant, that he’ll tell me to get rid of it, that he’ll say he’s disappointed in me.
It’s just filling me with dread to be honest. Has anyone else experienced anything similar with their families? How did you resolve it?