Telling friends I’m pregnant by group text

[justlonelystars]

Is this a bad/impersonal way to announce? Obviously due to lockdown I can’t meet them face-to-face and want to let everyone know at once rather than some finding out a week before I have a chance to meet the next friend.
Another issue I have is one of my friends has been struggling with TTC and I want to give her the chance to react without other people seeing if she’s upset etc. I’m so worried about upsetting her but I’ve got to let everyone know at some point! I feel like if I do it over zoom, everyone will be asking me questions and it won’t give her the chance to cope the way she needs to.
So I was just thinking a simple group text of “DH and I have some exciting news...joining us in June next year!” Then a pic of the ultrasound. It’s worth noting that this is the first baby within this friendship group so I don’t have anything to compare to with how others did it. I’m just worried it’s too impersonal for friends I’ve had 20+ years.

Congratulations OP!

I have been on the receiving end of this, struggling TTC for ages when a good friend got pregnant really quickly. I was genuinely so happy for her, but also a little bit sad for myself.

I think text is probably a good idea as it will give her time to process before she needs to get back to you. Zoom or phone call and she might feel a bit on the spot.

I'm wondering if you could send individual texts rather than group text? You could just copy and paste and send everyone the same text at the same time, but it might feel a little more personal.

You sound like a very nice and considerate friend, by the way

I think text your friend that's TTC before you make it public. Give her time and then announce it further. Text is find.

It's very considerate of you to think about your TTC friend's feelings, @justlonelystars. Speaking as someone who tried for years to have a baby, and ultimately four cycles of IVF, I found pregnancy announcements a bit difficult - however I always hid my sadness from the happy family/friends involved because it's absolutely not fair to cloud or taint their happiness with my own personal circumstance.

I think an individual copy/pasted text to everyone at the same time is a good idea - I wouldn't have liked to have been treated differently or singled out by being told first; and this would give your friend time to absorb the news, and put on her happy face.

Congratulations!

@Crakeandoryx

I think text your friend that's TTC before you make it public. Give her time and then announce it further. Text is find.

Yes I agree tell your friend who is struggling first. Just be honest OP and so you know it’s a difficult time for her.

I agree with PPs, but I would add, maybe don’t add the scan pic, at least for your friend who is struggling. I found them so incredibly upsetting when I was going through years of infertility and I know many others feel the same

Absolutely don’t send the scan picture to your ttc friend. Those are the worst and most upsetting parts of pregnancy announcements.

Text is the best way to tell people who might find the news hard. I’d take out the bit about being excited etc and just send a factual text. That’s always what comes out as the best way to hear the news from threads in infertility.

You sound like a lovely friend.

Don't include the friend that is ttc on the group chat. Text them individually so they don't have to endure everyone else's messages about it.

I agree with personal texts rather than a group one. That means your friend won’t feel pressure to respond in front of the whole group.

Personal text to the TTC friend unless she's only been trying all of 2 months and don't include a scan photo. Group message to the others x

Don’t leave her out of the group. How do you think she’d feel about that?

There’s no need for a group to discuss a pregnancy announcement anyway.

I announced my pregnancy via WhatsApp groups. Quite small groups of close friends.

Re the one who is TTC, it might take the pressure off in a group, she can just chime in with congrats, instead of having a one to one conversation about it.

P.s. my response is with the assumption that these are established group chats, not that you’re setting one up specifically for the announcement. That would be weird.

Re the one who is TTC, it might take the pressure off in a group, she can just chime in with congrats, instead of having a one to one conversation about it.

This is wrong. Watching your friends’ messages of congratulations appear when you’re really wanting to be pregnant yourself?
Trust me, I’ve been in that sort of group and it’s soul destroying.

Thanks everyone, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I will message her first separately I think (she is my oldest friend from the group so that can be my “excuse” for telling her separately) and if she asks to see ultrasound pics I will send them but I won’t otherwise. I’ll then do a group message a few hours later with her included to tell the others...she’s already in the group chat so I can hardly kick her out of it!

Why not just send everyone individual texts? Then they will congratulate you individually rather than on the group chat. There’s nothing wrong with your pregnancy turning up in on the group chat but saving her all the initial messages would be a really kind thing to do. Plus she wouldn’t need to feel singled out at all with the early message.

@PurpleDaisies I’m not necessarily that close with all the girls in the group chat and would never message them individually. It’d be weird for me to message them with a baby announcement and they don’t know about my other friend’s struggle. I think overall my approach above will be the best well balanced approach to make sure no one feels left out or upset.

I think your plan is a good one. It gives her the time to process her feelings and hopefully she will then not be upset by the group announcement. If it were me, if I'd had a couple of hours to cry etc. then I was able to respond appropriately in those sorts of settings. Please don't be disheartened if you don't get a response.
You sound very caring and considerate which is so kind at a time when you could just decide it's all about you. She will appreciate it even if she doesn't realise it now.

Do NOT send the scan photo to anyone who is struggling to TTC

Thanks everyone, just to clarify I definitely won’t be sending the ultrasound pics unless she specifically asks to see them and I won’t put them on the group message either. I’m really unsure how she’s going to react as like I’ve said, this is the first baby within our friendship group (and as far as I’m aware, none of her “separate” friends have had babies either), she might be happy for me or she might be upset for herself or a combo of both!
We’re not doing a Facebook announcement or anything like that so this will be our way of communicating it to everyone I want to know. Other close friends will also get a message and family will get phone calls