Sever trauma and not wanting to tell anyone not even gp im pregnant

[Babyjune21]

Hi everyone this might be a long one but more looking for a shoulder to cry on and to be able to open up as I’m not sure what to do !
I found out today I’m Expecting baby no.2 I already have a 19 month old son , we wanted another baby and of course I should be over the moon but I feel like my worlds going to becoming even harder than it already is ! I looked after my mum since the age of 6 she even lived with me and my partner we were never apart ever she was my everything but sadly while being pregnant with my first my mum died in my arms while I was 32 weeks pregnant since then my life went into a tail spin I made it clear to the high risk doctor that I would end my life once my baby was born I was completely over life and wanted to be back with my mum this caused them to give me a planned c section to control what was happening to me after that I had teams of therapist out every week some times every day I was diagnosed with Sever ptsd, Fibromyalgia , Emotional dysregulation ,Depression anxiety along with some other health issues I still still have a team mental health doctors that visit weekly I get monthly med reviews I get a team out every week to help with my pain with the fibro but every single one all says the same thing “ you are such a wonderful mum we have never had any concerns for your sons safety he is such a smart loving boy “ they all think the world of him but not only them but my mother and father in law my friends (don’t have any family of my own) all think that if I ever fell pregnant again it will be the thing that sends me over the edge ! Now I am I don’t know what to do I’m so scared because I know how much more input will happen I will be watched like a hock no one will be happy they will all be really scared for me and probably angry but I wanted to keep on moving with my life I want my son to have a brother or sister I want us to stop at 2 but I want 2 I know I’m totally ranting but I feel like my chest is going to burst ! I know I need to tell them because a lot of my meds are not aloud to be taken during pregnancy so I have stopped them I already feel the effects of not taken them and I’m scared ! My husband says we need to at least tell my mental health team he’s supporting me all day and I know he will be my rock but he admits that he isn’t enough to keep me safe

[Tangfastica]

Oh @Babyjune21 so sorry to read this. You do need to tell your mental health team and GP. Are you on ADs?

[SillyCow6]

Well the GP and mental health team etc, it is their job to put in the extra input so dont be worrying about them. Especially as I think you saying you want 2, and know also that you want to stop at 2, is a really positive sign. Also positive is that your dh sounds very supportive and only wants what is best for you.

As for other family, they can feel whatever they want to feel, but it is your life, and you and dh's family, so ultimately decisions will be yours and dh's. It sounds like you had amazing support from the team before and if that continues this time and you become a wonderful mum of 2, then great.

Do tell the medical teams asap so you can get the support you need, as soon as you need it, and to get your meds sorted out now. Tell the others when you're ready

Also - congratulations!!

[CarrotInATree]

Could you ask your DH to tell the support teams for you? It’s really important that they know and it is their job to support you, not to judge you.

[Babyjune21]

@Tangfastica @CarrotInATree @SillyCow6 thank you all so much for replying with support it was so kind of yous to take your time out of your day when I needed it most! I have told all the teams involved in my care and they are all over the moon for me ! They have already started to put things in place to support me threw this pregnancy me and OH have decided together that we will leave telling family and friends for a while until all my support and new meds have kicked in xx

[SillyCow6]

@Babyjune21 I'm so delighted for you!!