Traumatic day after birth and now annoying MIL

[Flower08]

Hi

I ended up with my elective section at 41+2 and it went brill compared to my emergency 2 years ago.

I was up and about the day after and had my catheter out etc.. I suddenly started getting horrendous cramps and contractions.. cut a long story short my uterus was high up and I had blood clots stuck that weren’t passing hence so
Much pain. The doctors and midwifes had to hold me down and give me gas & air and manually extract them and I did narrowly escape theatre as they hooked me up to hormone drip which gave me full force contractions. Which gladly helped me pass the big one.

4 night stay in hospital and now I’m home 🏠 I’ve missed my 2 year old soo much, I’m also now feeling so guilty as my sweet newborn boy is having withdrawals from fluoxetine which the doctor told me to carry on taking through my pregnancy as I had bad PND with my first but my god I feel the worst mum in the world he did not sleep at all last night unless in my arms so I propped myself up with pillows drank coffee and watched Netflix whilst the other half slept 😡 only been awake a hour after finally putting him in his Moses and I’ve gone down to make his bottle heard him stirring came up to find him in his dads arms in bed with his dad snoring away n I’ve just lost it, I’m in pain from the section healing and yet having to now prep my OH on how dangerous that is.. n quite frankly how dare he when I’ve not
Slept for 5 nights in a row.

Which brings me onto my MIL i asked for no visitors even my own family have respected this Well I came home from hospital and there she is in my front room waiting arms open FML I couldn’t even be arsed to argue. She then proceeds to tell me about her own birth 40years ago, and tell me
Her daughter is dying to meet him and can you let her come round n I’ve told her no I’ve just gone through all this I need to settle into a routine with my baby and my daughter needs to get her head around it too.. like ffs how selfish I don’t give a flying FUuuuk if I insult her I don’t want visitors. Plus this corona is still a real thing had she forgotten. I know she means well but she’s done 2 lots of washing ( I did all this ) before going into hospital, there’s now a mix match of colours on airer and bedding and towels soaked from rain outside on line 🤬 she’s also gone in my fridge n had a clear out of things that may have been 1 day out of date.. just leave it woman ffs even my own mum would respect my wishes.

I’m in absolute tears feeling like the worst mum, can feel Pnd creeping back up and I’ve missed my 2 year old so much in all this I feel I’m neglecting her as I now have a needy withdrawal newborn who won’t settle which again is down to me taking antidepressants!! I don’t know where I’m going with this I’m just so tired and feel useless big time

Many congrats on your new baby

Handhold here, deep breaths, you have been through so much no wonder you feel totally overwhelmed.

MIL is being inconsiderate & selfish, your wishes as a new mum should be respected. Why has your partner not told her to go, you need to rest.

Try not to worry about your two year old, I had a 21mth gap with my two. My older child doesn’t remember that period of time, so don’t put pressure you yourself.

You sound a fabulous, caring mum. Good luck & get some rest and all will be well.

Oh love, you have had a tough time. Make sure you put a note on the door requesting no visitors- gives you all the perfect excuse not to answer the door.

DH, while not physically going through this with you, has emotionally and mentally, been at your side and is probably exhausted too - he was probably trying to help. A gentle reminder that baby needs to be in his own bed and gently settled will be enough to make him feel guilty as hell anyway.

Your wee one is dying to get to know baby, so let them do little jobs like bringing nappies, etc. All helps them to bond and understand that Mummy has to focus on the baby and that they are a part of taking care of him too.

Get rest. You and your body have been through the mill. Take things slowly. Live in a bubble that is just for the four of you. DH simply must run interference on all phone calls and attempted visits.

The washing can be spun and will, eventually dry. Not the end of the world darling. MIL might have been misguided, but (being generous), was trying to help.

I hope you heal and can enjoy your little lad. Don't let things overwhelm you and make sure DH pulls his weight.

You have masses of hormones surging through you, making everything feel worse, plus your own withdrawal from medication, so allow yourself to heal, in every way.

Sending lots of love and hugs 💐 and congratulations ❤

Dh needs to step up- sort his side of family and care for 2 year old. But my oldest was 2 when ds came along and doesnt remember it so just give e cuddles to 2 year old and direct her to dh for all needs.
Hold your baby, lie in bed/sofa and relax. Personally I would turn off social media and install dh as buffer for all family & friends to contact- under strict no visitor instructions. Don't worry about washing- again dh role to sort house, you just made a whole new human being! Congratulations!! Try to get dh to have baby for an hour and go to sleep. Mum guilt is real but your lo is fine and sleep deprivation is an actual form of torture! Be kind to yourself. Check out of everything except baby for a few days at least. X

I imagine she thinks she's helping but I'd find that really intrusive. Your DP needs to deal with her.

I just don’t get the no visitors thing
If my dd said no visitors I would respect it but be nightly pissed off. Even more so when I find out MIL has been round.

Your MIL has Reyes to help with washing and cleaning out

Yes life events are stressful, but surely celebrating with a couple of grannies popping in for 5 minutes wouldn’t hurt

Waiting until mum feels ready wouldn't hurt either.

I’m absolutely no expert but I know scores of women who have taken antidepressants through pregnancy (fluoxetine, citalopram or sertraline most commonly), myself included, and I have never, ever heard of a newborn baby experiencing withdrawals from an SSRI. As I say, I’m not a doctor but do they not generally think this is unlikely? I feel like there was no good or helpful reason for a doctor to say this to you.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful time OP. Your DH absolutely needs to step up with your 2 year old and his family. I wish I could give you a big hug please don’t feel guilty about anything. I was in hospital for a week with DS after he was born and then came home with a really painful uterine infection. I remember feeling so frustrated and angry that DH allowed every one of his four siblings and their kids to come round on the day we got home when I could barely stand up.

Congratulations! I know it's a really stressfully time though and lack of sleep/crying is torture.

However, it does look like people are trying to help. Yes what DH did was silly but at least he is involved. MIL sounds like she is really trying to help. So what if the washing is a bit mixed up? You have a newborn and standards can slip for a while. We always read on MN that MILs are useless but maybe if allowed to help from the start they'd form a closer bond. I know I might be in the minority but DM and MIL helped me hugely and my DDs have a lovely bond with both. Win win for all I think.

*stressfully oppps

Get into bed with your baby and shut the door. Tell your DH to get rid of his mother ASAP and you will not be coming out until she has gone. And then stay there for TWO WEEKS. Your body needs to heal you need time with your baby and your only job is to feed that little one however you choose. Nothing else. Sleep, feed, eat. And repeat. Your dh can do nappies and let you rest. If your MIL is human she will get the message and Fuck off.

How your MIL or DH feel about this is not your concern!