How do I tell my mother I’m pregnant

[Bluesponge]

Right this is quite a long story so I’ll start from the beginning, both my parents were born into money, my mother doesn’t work and my father managed his company until he sold it before he passed away 10 years ago
When I was 17. I went to a private girls school until I was 18 then I wanted to go to university with my mother grudgingly alowed me to. There I met my husband and went on to become a child phycologist. My mother was unhappy with this because my husband was from a “lower class” and refused to even come to the wedding 2 years ago( I also always got the feeling she was unhappy that I worked in a moderately high paying job ) I’m sure she hoped I would of divorced him by now and left him for someone “better” anyway the other day she dropped me an email that since she was living with her mother she was coming to live with me as she is only 60 I tried to dissuade her but I had no feesible excuse and I had lost contact with her until this point. I am 5 months pregnant and although had tried to reach out to her I couldn’t get in touch to tell her that I’m pregnant and I am clearly showing what should I do

She’s coming in two days

Do you want her to come and live with you? Does your husband?

She sounds pretty toxic and you’ve had no contact for 5 months. I wouldn’t be letting her move in, that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Erm. Wtf. Your excuse is that you're self isolating as you are pregnant and she cannot come and stay as per gov guidelines.

She is not coming in 2 days. Grow some balls love, it's time.

Can't believe she doesn't come to your wedding them expects you to house her! Jesus christ that's some cheek. What does your husband say?

Tell her to piss off?

Why on Earth would you let her come to stay? What does your husband think?

Tell her she can't move as that's against government guidelines for her, her own mother needs her surely (she must be over 80??) And you are self isolating per government instructions.

Thanks some reason didn’t think of that as an option she’s incredibly controlling and manipulative made me think I didn’t have a choice,my husband is in hospital ( broken leg should be out in a few days nothing to do with covid-19 )

Still wondering how I should tell her I feel like I should I mean she deserves to know she’s having a grandchild even if I don’t let her have any contact ( still not sure) she kind of made it seem in her email that she wanted to get back a bond but now looking back she just needed a place to stay as my grandmother kicked her out

She doesn't get to just say she's coming to live with you.
Well, she can say it.
Then you say no you're not.

Would you get in touch with someone you haven't been in touch with and announce you're moving in with them? Of course you wouldn't.

Tell her to get lost. Do it now so she is very clear that if she turns up in 2 days time she will not be welcome nor allowed through your front door. Aside from anything else, mixing of households and visiting people is not allowed at the moment. That includes her.

@runningwoman1980s
I thought OP was a child psychologist and just missed a letter?

She should not move in with you. You are pg and your dh is in hospital. She is a grown woman and can find her own place to live.

"she deserves to know she’s having a grandchild even if I don’t let her have any contact "

She doesn't. She really, really doesn't. You owe her nothing.

And as for your poor husband, is he just supposed to put up with this bitch living under his roof?

She isn’t coming to live with you unless that is something you and your DH agree to and she can’t come at the moment due to the Coronavirus regulations.

You call back and tell her she doesn't get to decide to move in, she is not moving in with out and your Dh and you both agree on that so she better stay with her mother. Was she going to abandon an elderly lady?

Send her an email saying her arrival will be very useful because you have chronic morning sickness and you need her help.
Tell her you’ve been told not to lift anything and to get plenty of bed rest, and you’d be very grateful if she could help with shopping, cooking and cleaning. Especially since your dh has a broken leg & can’t drive. And he’ll have to isolate for 14 days because he’s been in hospital.

I bet she finds an urgent reason to go elsewhere.

I think the fact her own mother has kicked her out says everything. Tell her you have no room.
You really don't need any more stress at such a difficult time

Erm what?

She had just informed you she is coming to live with you and you have just accepted it???

You need to call her immediately, tell her she is not going to live with you and tell her you are pregnant (if you want to share that with her).

You really need to work on putting up some boundaries where your mother is concerned!

Thanks all can’t believe how completely STUPID and inconsiderate I’m being thanks for putting my head on straight, just told her to piss off

Inconsiderate to my husband I mean

And how did she take that op?!!

Firstly, I wouldn’t let her come and stay with you. But if she does, when she turns up, I’d simply not mention the pregnancy to her. Let her figure it out.

She doesn't deserve anything. You owe her nothing. This is your life.
Grandparents are forged from love and commitment. Blood relations means nothing if you're a toxic person and can't even maintain a happy relationship with her own children!

Tell her your husband's doctors have said she absolutely cannot come to stay.

Thanks for all the great advice MN is a lifesaver, was so stuck in my own head couldn’t think about what to do I also put it to the back of my mind with everything going on ,just told her that she doesn’t deserve to be in my life then blocked her

Well done Bluesponge