Negative (ageist?) responses to pregnancy

[MumToBeIn2020]

Hi everyone,

I'm turning 25 in June and have just found out that I am expecting.

I was really happy with this news, as was my other half, especially as I have recently been contracted with work which adds financial security on my side - I do also freelance around that job too and my partner has his own landscaping business which is going well.

My boyfriend is the same age and has a joint mortgage with his sister (they share a flat). I moved in last year.

When I found out, I told one of my best friends who's response consisted of excitement and she reiterated how she knew this is something I had always wanted.

My parents are also excited but have shared their worries about my boyfriends commitment as we're not engaged, as well as expressing that they wished I had waited another two years so we could have prepared a bit more for this life change financially and so they could be at a point of possible retirement to offer more hands on help.

My other best friend gave me quite a passionate lecture about why she thinks we're not ready (this is before I told her I was expecting and she did feel bad once I broke the news) She thought it was too soon, didn't like the idea that my partner lives with his sister and questioned whether we had done everything we wanted to do as a couple - I know she cares but found this offensive as we have thought long and hard about starting a family and it's something we both wanted to do. I've never questioned anyone elses motives as I feel it's up to the couple to decide what is right for them.

I feel down as this isn't the reaction I wanted with my first pregnancy and feel like this has tarnished my experience a bit and that i'm not being taken seriously!

I understand that concern is only natural and shows that they care - but i'm not exactly announcing a teen pregnancy here! It makes me feel really uneasy that they have worries and i'm a sensitive person who cares what people think, so this makes me question the timing - I am so excited for this and wish I could have had the excitement from them without the lectures.

Although my partner shares his flat with his sister, we are both open to moving out and finding somewhere to rent .

Has anyone else had this experience? equally, does anyone have any advice in terms of how to prepare? Perhaps your living arrangement wasn't ideal when you found out! Any advice here would be great as I just feel really sad!!

Hi honey, aww bless you I kind of know how you feel. I was advised to terminate by 2 of my closest friends. My partner and I were living with respective parents/friends when we found out about pregnancy. The circumstances were not ideal but we had 9 months to prepare, got a place together and now have a beautiful baby and could not be happier. I’m a little older than you but 25 is a great age to have a child! And fact dad is onboard is a blessing as mine wasn’t at first but soon changed his mind and loves our LO soooo much now.
My advice would be, take it day by day, believe in yourself, and plan ahead with your partner so you are ready for impending arrival.
Look up antenatal yoga classes in your area as I found these to be a great support, can recommend daisy birthing classes:
thedaisyfoundation.com/find-a-class/
If friends or relatives talk negatively then phase them out a bit, make an excuse and use your time on something else like planning your nursery or baby name lists!
When people realise you are determinedly going ahead with this they will get excited too, it just might take a little time. When they see you preparing carefully like the mature adult that you are they’ll accept the situation and if they don’t, that’s their loss!
Congratulations on your happy news 💐 x

Its really difficult if you haven't had a positive reaction, I'm sure they are just expressing concerns.
Give them some time, they will be out buying babygros in a few weeks 💚

Everybody has an opinion about everything. If you'd waited people who have told you stories about waiting too late, etc. Just remember that nobody's opinion matters but yours and your partner's.

Your post is very concise and your current circumstances more stable than a lot of people who have children. Age is just a number and people mature at different rates. You sound like you are in a very good position and have made a considered decision to have a baby. I don't think you sound too young at all and I would just kindly remind these people of them facts when they show disappointment. Congratulations and good luck with your pregnancy x

25 is a perfectly fine age to have kids! Thing is everyone's got an opinion on the ideal age, either you wait to have a career established, you get on with it when you feel like it, you get it 'over' with when you're young and energetic and with fewer career responsiblities...
There are pros and cons at any age. Obviously if there's a mismatch with your existing friendship group everyone will be doing different things at different times (you might be ready to go out partying again once they're all in the nappy stages!) but that's part of life.