Disapproval from family

[3babiesforme]

II have just found out I am pregnant with 3rd child and around 8 weeks. I recently got back with my eldest child's father and I have just graduated from my masters so still job hunting. I have two boys who are 12 and 4 and I just told my family the news and it did not go down well. My brother didn't say much but my mum flipped out and was shouting horrible things down the phone (saying I don't care about my children because I got pregnant again and that I'm just stupid) so I got upset and hung up, this was on Thursday and it's now Monday and I haven't heard anything from them. I feel like I haven't done anything wrong and I want this baby so much but I feel like I have ruined my relationship with my family and feel guilty for my sons as they are very close with them. My partner is also feeling very offended that they reacted this way and this makes it even harder for me. Has anyone else gone though something similar with their family? I know it's not the best timing as I should be focusing on my career but I can't bare the idea of a termination, I am already attached 😢

Are they upset about the reason you split up? Don’t like him? Think you’ll break up again? Worry about your financial instability? Think you’ll need their support if you have another baby?

It’s your family and your right to conduct yourself and make any decisions for your family as you see fit. It’s their right to react unhappily if they don’t think you’re being sensible/responsible etc. You don’t need their approval and they’ll hopefully come round. But there may be reasons for how they feel and if you’re usually close they could be acting out of concern for you and your older children.

@AnneLovesGilbert I think all of the above is a concern for them and I don't blame them for feeling worried about the future. They don't dislike my partner but I know my mum was not happy about us getting back together as she wanted me to find someone better but I can't help who I love (he was my first love) and we are both so different now that our relationship is different from before and works so well (we had an 8 year gap from when we broke up before). I just was hurt by how disrespectful she was to me as if I was a child, I'm 32 finished my education and currently working part time. I just feel like it's okay if your not happy but respect me and my decision to keep this baby. I just don't know how to make things better and to let them know that this doesn't stop me from progressing, my goals still remain the same.

She is probably concerned about you. She handled it badly though. If I am reading it right you got back with the father of the 12 year old and almost immediately got pregnant by him? She is probably desperately worried that the relationship will break down again and you'll be left minding 3 children.

That said, she really shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I think you should give it a few days and maybe try to meet up with her - she may have calmed down. My best friend had a similar reaction from her sister when she announced her pregnancy. It was awful. But that sister has been a wonderful and supportive aunt to her niece.

They can be disappointed, but they have no right to yell at you like they did. How is it that people think they can treat their nearest and dearest in a way they would find utterly outrageous and disrespectful to treat friends and acquaintances??!!

Don't go running back to them. This is your life, and you have a right to do with it as you please, whether it's the right or wrong move. That is, however, contingent on you not relying on them to any great degree.

But be prepared for them to not like the more independent you, if they've always been in the habit of telling you what to do (or not to do).

And if you genuinely think your partner is a good guy and you love him, then you need to be respectful to him and not allow them to treat him badly.

@pallisers we fell pregnant about 6months after getting back together which I agree was very quick but he has been great with my youngest and treats him no different to his child the (12yr old). My family have always felt they can tell me what to do especially after they had supported me with my youngest through my studies which I appreciate more than I can say, but they are very financially and career focused and don't believe people should have more than 2 children so they told me lots of times not to have anymore children. But it's hard because I've always wanted 3, I've always loved the idea of a big family. @HypatiaCade yes I didn't expect that from them especially when everyone else around me is so happy for us, I agree I will just have to give them space and just get on with it as I don't want the stress to go on to the baby. Thank you both your words have helped me xx

i hope they give you space.

Oh and congratulations!

@3babiesforme hi hun
You sound like you are in a similar situation to me I have two older children 16/11 to a tosser ex husband who has never paid or done anything for the kids! My daughter (oldest) sees him now as she's at a age but my son won't acknowledge him as his dad! Anyway my mum and dad (were very close) basically helped me fetch up the children including money!
Anyway fast forward after been with my new Partner a year we planned to have a baby I was finishing my nursing degree while working full time and we decided I would wait till I had qualified then start to try anyway I had told my mum ah next year we will try for baby but she just brushed off the idea that I was been stupid and why did I want to start again! (My partner is 11 years younger than me and has no children) anyway it happened for us very quickly (first month) when I told parents (7weeks) they were awful really really awful! However I know it was because they were worried we had o my been together a year, the age gap, plus the fact things had only just picked up for me and I was finally able to stand on my own two feet! However littally 2 weeks later she was buying me baby grows and everyone is so excited and over the moon now, hopefully if your parents are like mine and only want best for you they will soon come around xx