Brevity has never been my strong point, be it birthing a baby or describing it so if you want the short version I won't be offended if you just skip to the last paragraph.
My waters broke on Wednesday evening while I was watching (deriding) Kill Bill and eating chilli and garlic bread. In true first time parent fashion I convinced myself that I had just lost all bladder control and remaining dignity and ignored the fact that I might just be about to have a baby. A very regular indigestion, recurring approximately every 12 minutes started soon afterwards so after a couple of paracetamol and some warm milk I went to bed to not sleep and pretend that this baby wasn't imminent. DH snored and drooled his way through the night while what I begrudgingly admit must have been contractions got closer together and kept me awake. I phoned the community on call midwife at 8.30am to tell her that I thought my trousers might be too tight and giving me stomach ache and after the third break in conversation for me to kneel down and breathe deeply she told me to ring as soon as contractions were 3 minutes apart. I don't think I actually admitted that I was in labour until I'd packed DH off to the tip and fairly frightened and alone I couldn't get up off the kitchen floor to finish the washing up. I think I probably decided then that DH shouldn't go to work that day.
Contractions came quite thick and fast after that and we blew up the birth pool, called the midwife to tell her that she may have been right about the baby coming and things progressed from there. It took 5hrs to get to 10cm in the pool, the baby started to descend, my back started to ache and I thought I was nearly there. Unfortunately my contractions stopped completely and I had to get out of the pool to start them. And start they did, with no rest inbetween them. An urge to push never materialised and three hours of directed pushing didn't seem to help at all. I have discovered several things through this process- if you push very, very hard with no let up you can burst blood vessels, the sight of your contracting, messy, heaving body spreadeagled on the bathroom floor may just cause your DH to turn a shade of pale Procol Harum can only dream of, the polite question 'would you like to sit on the toilet?' caused my head to turn 360 degrees so I could scream 'no farking thanks' at the extremely pleasant and shocked midwife.
It became frighteningly apparent that this baby had taken a wrong turn somewhere and unfortunately I had to be whisked off to hospital in an ambulance driven by a boy racer who thought speed humps were ramps. There is a place in hell reserved for that man and his banal 'children, eh, never easy?' comments.
To try and curtail what could be an epic announcement I'll keep the next bit brief. Having wanted a home water birth I ended up with a 24hr labour, pethidine, an epidural, three failed ventouse attempts, an extensive episiotomy and an emergency caesarean. I may have been slightly rude to the last surgeon I saw who said I could 'comfort myself with the fact that this baby could never have been born vaginally'. His place in hell is reserved next to Speedy Boy Paramedic. Throughout the whole process Mathilda never wavered, wasn't distressed and came out sneezing. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever made, I can't describe well enough how proud I am of my beautiful little milky daughter and her wonderful Daddy who never left my side during the whole shebang.
I will save my postnatal hospital rantings for another day. Luckily we are home, she feeds well (I'll try and resist an aside about the state of my nipples) and I am so privileged to be allowed to cuddle up in bed with such a resilient and beautiful little girl.
Lastly and most importantly, the support and love of all of the other May 07ers and interlopers has meant more that I can possibly say. Without their humour and reassurances before, during and after the labour I would have felt very alone, frightened and lost. I know MrSOH values your help too. You all had your parts to play in making us into the family we are. I can't thank you enough.
And here's the brief version: Mathilda Beatrice Rose was born on 10/05/07 at 9.55pm weighing 7lb 12oz by emergency cs. It fricking hurt.
Am adding pictures for the interested few...