How to tell people?

[Isabella20]

I have a 6mo at home and currently 5 weeks pregnant. My sister had a miscarriage in February so it is making me feel anxious in telling her. What's the best way to tell her I'm expecting again when her loss is very much still raw?

I know she'll be excited and happy for me but I feel like she would need to be told first instead of finding out with everyone.

Any suggestions?

I haven't had a miscarriage so I can't even begin to imagine what your sister went through, my story is a little different to yours, my sister was pregnant with her 5 child, at this point we had been trying for almost 3 years, she sent me a lovely message to tell me she was pregnant again some people say over text is awful and things should be done face to face but I actually really appreciated her text as she didn't have to see me burst into tears as yet again it wasn't "my turn " as people say. Just because I cried doesn't mean I wasn't happy for her I was over the moon that she was being blessed with another baby and I was going to have another niece/nephew. I fell pregnant a few months after! Sorry I've babbled on but in answer to your question I really appreciated the text first it gave me time to have a cry and then be happy for Her!! I know some people will say no don't message but this is what worked with me!! I hope your sister is okay xxx

Proudmummy17, thank you! I'm glad it happened for you in the end! Without going in to too much detail, would you mind giving me a few ideas of what to put in the message. I feel like this would probably be the best way to do this with my sister, as I don't think I could sit there and watch her reaction, I just have no idea how to word it! xx

I had two miscarriages before getting pregnant this time, and had a friend who has been struggling with infertility for years. I told her by text message and let her know that I understood it might be hard for her and that I would be guided by her as to whether she wanted to talk about it or not. She has said since that she definitely appreciated being told without having to "put a face on" and being able to process it in private. That situation was slightly different though because she knew what I had been through and it was a topic we already discussed quite openly with each other.

Completely agree with proud mummy and fieau

No miscarriage here, but 3 years of infertility. Very fertile SIL conceived weeks after her wedding and I found out by one of her older children blurting it out in front of all my in laws. It was awful, I didn't want her to think I wasn't happy for them so had to try to hold it together all morning. Text message is so much kinder. I'm sure she'll be in touch to congratulate you and get excited about her niece or nephew as soon as she's had a chance to get over the feelings of 'it's not fair, when is it my turn'

Re what to write I'd say keep it simple. 'Hi DSis, I hope you're ok. I just wanted to let you know first that I am expecting. Look forward to seeing/talking to you when you feel able'

For me I hated the thought that everyone else may have known first and been talking about me.

If I'm honest i don't really know what you could say, are you and your sister close? Maybe just say something like you wanted to let her know your news but you understand it may be hard for her at the moment, please do not say " I thought I'd let you know before anyone else does" because that would upset me if I'm honest thinking I'm only being told so so no one else let's out the secret if that makes sense xxx

isabella20 did you tell your sister? How did she take it? Xx

@Proudmummy17 I haven't told her yet no as I am only 6 weeks. I have my doctors appointment on Friday and will see how long it takes for my midwife appointment and first scan is and I'll work out how and when to tell her. I'm still very scared and worried about how and when to tell her! x

My brother and his partner found out they were expecting the week I miscarried. He held off telling me for a few weeks and told me to my face, he knew I would cry (which I did) and he held me until I stopped. Every family is different but this was the right way to tell me after my miscarriage.

@Proudmummy17 I don't know if you're still following this thread but thought I would let you know how it went with telling my sister last night. As a family game, we like to play Scattergories where there's a list of 12 questions where you have to answer them all with the same letter. My other half and younger sister planned to have an answer for the last question of the round 'Types of pain'. My OH used my nickname and said in labour while my sister said, 'In December'. It took her about 2 seconds to realise what was said. I have to say giving her initial reaction I wasn't too sure how to feel. She was shocked and she cried a bit, but then started laughing and was asking loads of questions and got my daughter and made her laugh by calling her a big sister. She then said we have a lot of planning to do so that made me feel a bit better. It may not sound like the best idea to other people, but it's what worked for us and I am now anxiety free as she has been told x

Glad it went well. Now you can relax and start the planning