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Original poster

Partner doesn't want the child

11 replies

User78 · 23/01/2018 13:32

I've found out two weeks ago I'm pregnent, my partner doesn't want it, he's told me now very cleaarly, he doesn't want to parent again, been there done that. Been together just a year. I'm 41 with pcos, unlikely to easily get pregnent again and never been pregnent before. I've got symptoms sore boobs swollen bloated tummy tired all the time, so I know the process is happening and I'm scared I have to go through it alone and he won't be there for me. I love him but he knows his life would be altered being a dad again. He feels he has just got his freedom nearly back and his health is not good. I have been really upset asking for his support but I think he's willing to set me adrift pregnent, never been so scared in all my life and I've been through some expereonces. I see that childcare is exhausting and rewarding but it kills me to think of doing it without him or alone. Is anyone in the same boat in the Devon area I need to tap into support asap. Been to the go they gave me the number for counselling/termination clinic and also the midwife to see her early. Anyway any help much appreiated. Oh and to add I am renting a flat and have manageable debt but not so sure when I end up relying on benefits. Scared I won't find a partner to live again. X

OP posts:

InDubiousBattle · 23/01/2018 13:35

Do you want to keep your baby?

Original poster

User78 · 24/01/2018 13:25

Yes but not without ideally his emotional and financial stability am not financially strong enough on my own in debt and it would be nice to have shared parenting doing it on my own so scares me x

OP posts:

InDubiousBattle · 24/01/2018 13:53

He should be held financially responsible for the child whether he stays or you do it alone. Tbh op at 41 this is in all likelihood your chance at parenthood, doing it alone is not ideal (and without a doubt very hard)but where there's a will there's a way. The is also a way out- if you don't want to be a parent then a termination is a perfectly legitimate choice.

toastedbeagle · 29/01/2018 23:09

Do you think the relationship would survive if you agreed to terminate ? Would you feel resentful / regretful for the rest of your life?

Mummblebee · 22/02/2018 21:09

Hi op. How are you? What did you decide to do?

user1485788422 · 28/02/2018 18:45

Whatever you decide to do make sure it's your choice! If you've struggled getting pregnant in the past due to pcos then this baby is obviously a miracle. What's your partner like with his other children? If he's a half decent father I'm sure he'll come round once he gets his head around it. What he needs to understand is that he's taking this for granted because he already has children. This may be your only chance. Wether he stays or goes you will always have your child and that's worth more than any man As for financial stability with benefits etc, it all depends whether you're currently working. If you go to your local job centre and arrange an appointment then they will be happy to discuss with you your entitlements Good luck xx

LastNightsMakeUp · 10/03/2018 06:23

If you want this baby please know that you can do it with or without him! Which is what I told my partner when we fell pregnant with our first after little more than a year together. Looking back he said he was just scared and is a model father.
Not all men are like that though and I grew up with my mum as both mum and dad, she struggled and she cried at times. She was a nurse but picked up cleaning jobs to cover the mortgage - and let me tell you I’m so proud of her, and respectful of her... and if you want this baby that’s how they’ll feel about you. They’ll be hard times, but they’re worth it xx

C0untDucku1a · 10/03/2018 06:30

I agree with a pp. if he is adamsnt he doesnt want to be a father, then youll start the parenting journey alone. however, if you terminated you still wouldnt last. Not after something like this.

It does seem than with pcos and your age, this is it. If you want to be a mother, go for it. Things will eventually fall into place.

Look at the nct near you. They hold local events.

Mummytooscarleo · 13/05/2018 15:26

I think in long run it could cause more problems when u look back thinking ypur terminated a child cause of what he wants...xx

lolacola13 · 08/08/2018 18:09

At 41 with pcos this is close to a miracle . If u want this baby keep him/her and treasure every moment . Iv been a single parent before and for many years and it's not that bad . Yes some low moments of course and days I was like Jesus take the wheel! But ...U have your own routine , a force to reckoned with! And truthfully this may astound some people and probably start a riot 🙄 but I actually found it easier . It was my way every day our own routine just us . No disagreements over this n that etc . Trust ur gut . And good luck!

whingeyarse · 08/08/2018 18:11

ZOMBIE THREAD

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