I lost count of how many midwives said that as I cried how can I not be dilating when I'm in so much pain. As far as I was concerned, the contractions on the Friday night were much worse than when I went into labour with ds, and I was 7cms when the midwife arrived then. (although ended up with cs due to failure to progress)and not only was I not dilated AT ALL this time (now saturday morning), I had a long hard posterior cervix.
Predictably unpredictable third labour came the reply and the mantra of the weekend, little Felix not arriving until Sunday lunch! It was excruciating on the labour ward then it stopped. I came home Saturday afternoon and went straight back as it started again, agony, and coming every two mins for ages and then slowing to a few every ten mins and then back to one in two. At 7pm, I was announced to have a thin cervix but still no dilation so back I went to the antenatal ward. I made a huge fuss when they said dp would have to go home as they put me on a ward with sleeping woman and I reliably informed them that these woman would not be getting any sleep if they left me there, pausing to howl for another (apparently useless) contraction. They found me a side room. At ten, they brought me the entonox as I contined to make hideous noise with each one and told me at least baby was happy in there. I confess to briefly wishing he wasn't as then I could have a ceasarian (despite my huge desire for a vbac)and be rid of this all consuming pain that appeared to be getting me nowhere, any cervical visualisations were morphing into fort knox. I couldn't even have an epidural as I wasn't in 'established labour', and although I had been keen to avoid one this time, (the one with ds left me immobile and epesiotomy/vontouse and the spinal for ds caesarian had left me with backache), when I was FINALLY announced to be 4-5 cms at 1am, I said 'please can I have an epidural now thank you very much.
No. Apparently I could not. The sister on delivery thought it best I wait a bit as an epidural can slow it down at that stage, and recommended I have a bit of pethidine!! I politely told the antenatal midwife (who said she thought it was a bit to do with how busy they were) that the sister could go to hell and I wanted one now. Eventually the doctor argued that I needed to go there as I was exhausted, having missed two nights sleep now, and I made it onto delivery at 4am. The epidurals are different to the one I had with ds nine years ago, not only can you still feel some of it, I could move/walk/ go to the loo/ go on the ball etc, and I needed to. It was still another eight hours before he arrived, I was 9 1/2 cms for over two hours as the last bit wouldn't go, doctors were threatening synto whatever it's called (not great for vbac) and I got a new surge of energy thinking I'm not having another section after all of this work, so I walked (slowly holding drip) I rocked, I bounced on the ball and finally, eventually, I was ready to push. Epidural is allowed to wear off so I could feel to push, and I felt it! The pressure and burning and effort was unbelievable, as with the old type and the section I had not experienced proper pushing and I wondered why I had fought to be able to do it but I soon knew. After thirty minutes he was lifted onto my tummy all squirmy and blue and it was the best thing ever. I almost wanted another baby straightaway to get that moment again, well, almost. I had no stitches ,two small tears, one 2nd degree but healable and was on a high for ages. I even ate hospital style tea and toast for three days to try to prolong that feeling.
The worst bit was nearly passing out in the shower and thinking I was rupturing after all and about to die, tunnel vision and panic attack but that was just exhaustion and shock I think.
Thanks for all the support on here, particularly with the vbac advice, lulumama and toady and co, I've been reading all posts about it and joined the yahoo which was tremendously helpful.
I have slightly tortured myself since wondering if I could have coped without the epidural, that being my third now including the spinal, but I don't think I could due to tiredness and the best thing was avoiding another section. It's just a tiny demon in my mind when I'm tired and being hard on myself. Sorry for super long post but it's taken two weeks to feel up to writing this on here and it's great to write it all down. Thanks again for the support.