Should I tell my estranged sister about pregnancy, or baby

[DelphiStar]

My younger sister is 24, I'm 28. We had a rough upbringing due to an abusive father, who left when I was 12. My sister has serious undiagnosed depression, which results in destructive behaviours. Two years ago she tried to sabotage my wedding and I've been unable to forgive her. Mainly because she is hugely selfish and takes no responsibility for her actions. She isn't a bad person, just very depressed and very selfish. She shows know care or interest for anyone else. We haven't spoken since my wedding day. She hasn't tried to speak to me and has blocked me on all social media.

Without any form of apology or attempt to rekindle our relationship I have no aspiration to involve her in the family I'm building with my husband. She despises children so I suspect she would have no interest anyway.

Should I tell her I'm pregnant? Should I tell her when the baby is born? Does she deserve to know? And if so, how should I tell her?

I don't see what telling her would gain. You'd just be inviting her to piss on your shoes all over again.

If she'd simply pissed on my wedding shoes I could have easily forgiven her ...

I should also say I know some will think it's my responsibility as a sibling to be there for her as she clearly is sick, mentally. But I just got to the point where I couldn't take any more abuse.

She doesn't deserve to know, it's not her right to be told.

Do what's best for you and your family.

Do you have any mutual friends or relatives you both still see? Could you perhaps tell them?

Don't bother.

I'm reassured that some are saying not to bother as that's my gut feeling.

My mother talks to both of us. She says my sister is not in a state of mind to rekindle any relationship.

I'm only in week 10 so I haven't really told anyone yet. I suspect my mother will tell her once the news is out even if I ask her not to... Which could be a problem.

Hi Delphi,

Just to say I was in almost an identical position (except have a mother worse than the sister!) and I chose not to tell them. I do not wish for their toxic influence in my child's life and therefore it felt like an obvious decision. There comes a time where we cannot excuse their behaviour any longer no matter their personal problems. Enjoy your pregnancy and be happy with your new family :-)