Friends husband took his life, advice?

Don't turn up. We lost my father to suicide many years ago. We needed to get together as a family to process what had happened.
There's not much you can say at this stage but practical support may be welcome such as making a lasagne or casserole and just dropping it off.
You sound like a lovely friend. Maybe text her and say that as soon as she wants you there, to text you and you'll be there.

I'm sorry for your loss - you will be grieving too. X

When my brother killed himself I wanted nothing so much as to be left alone, or just be with my partner. I would have hated a friend turning up uninvited, even seeing my family was hard and I only did it because I knew it was my duty.

This isn’t about you and your sad history. She’s said not to come, please respect her wishes.

I’m so sorry.

I’d drop round some food but text and let her know rather than going in. I usually do fruit salad. It’s easy to eat when you are distressed, no need to reheat and you can have it any time of day.

She will need you over the coming months. Focus on processing your own feelings so you can be a support when she needs you

Do not go to her house, not with food or anyrhing else. Listen to whst she has said. Unfortunately it's not about you. She has so much going on in her mind right now. My husband killed himself. I had enough to deal with without people turning up no matter how well meant.

I would keep in touch but just so she knows you are there if she needs you

Not the same as your situation @Captainladder , but my lovely husband was found dead last year - sudden, unexpected, no illness, not suicide.
Every night since then, my dearest friend, who has been my rock, has sent me a text just to say goodnight.
Just knowing that someone out there is thinking of you and has your back is so helpful.
No fancy words or great gestures - a simple text.

People are desperate to do something "to help" but often their help is intrusive and a hindrance.
Just letting her know you are there, when she's ready for you, will, in time, be appreciated.

Not the same but I lost a close friend to suicide and a bad break up in a short space of time. I was a wreck best friend sent me a morning and a good night text every single day. (And many others) it made me feel loved and thought about

Awful for your friend, I agree just drop some food, snacks for kids maybe some flowers on the doorstep don’t knock or anything and text when your gone, she might reach out to you over the coming days or weeks but for now she probably needs to be alone or with immediate family.

I like the idea of the text above.

Make some soup or sandwiches and deliver to the doorstep with a card that says "As soon as you need me, day or night. just call". Leave on the doorstep, she won't want to face anyone just now.

Agree with the daily text message. That helped me through a very difficult time.

I'd skip the flowers personally. Maybe a food taleaway voucher or some good quality ready meals, nice biscuits for the family that might descend.

@Wingedharpy I'm so very sorry- your advice I think is bang on correct.

When my dad committed suicide I think the most helpful friends of my mum were the ones who brought food and helped with practical things like that. And don’t send flowers, the house will look like a florist in a few days and then all the flowers die and it’s another job when every job seems impossible. I think listen to what she says she needs

Sorry for your loss op.
From experience -
I'd think twice use the phrase 'committed suicide' which implies a crime.
Ask your friend what she wants/ needs.
Listen gently-don't try to give advice.
When you see her take small snacks rather than big meals if she has no appetite, and perhaps useful things such as face wipes, dry shampoo etc, as those deep in grief can struggle with self care.
Ask what you can do - does she need help funeral planning, house work, laundry, anything ? X

Sorry that was 'think twice about using the phrase'
Some people find it upsetting nowadays.

"I will make some food and drop it with a text."

Don't. She's asked you not to go round.

The last thing I'd want is to deal with the washing up from a casserole that I couldn't even face eating. How many people are going to leave her dishes of food on the doorstep? It's just another thing to deal with.

Let her know that you're there for her if she needs to talk or if she needs help with anything practical, such as notifying people. When/if she does want to talk, I would avoid empathising with her by talking about how you felt when your friend took her life. Grief is so personal and if she's in the anger stage, she may not want to hear about how you reached the acceptance stage. She'll probably just want someone to listen to how she feels. You could ask her if she wants you to offer advice, or if she just wants you to listen to her.

I would avoid using the term "commited suicide" because it's a term that stems from a time when suicide was a criminal offence. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you're aware, there's still a lot of stigma around suicide, and words have the power to shape our ideas and feelings in insidious ways.

Remember to take care of yourself as well.

❤️

Absolutely not in the same league but I have recently suffered a family bereavement. Practical things which saved me thinking and/or doing things were a great help. Sounds daft, bit vouchers for food - meant not cooking and no dishes without worrying about money.
Stay in touch without expecting replies.

When my mum died , a friend sent a food delivery filled with easy things to eat like soup rolls flapjacks etc
It was delivered by the van, not anyone I knew . That worked well

I think don't worry too much. When dh took his own life, I was desperate to see people, loved getting flowers, cards, food, biscuits, visits, anything, so it really does depend on the person. She's your friend, trust your knowledge of her and do what's in your heart. She's said not to to visit, so that's fine, you were right to ask. Drop off what feels right for now. Sit with her in your mind even if she doesn't want visits now, do what you can to go to the funeral if it's not just family, agree with a card just saying to call whenever. You sound like a good friend. I still need friends' support five years on (not all the time!) So don't worry.