Now Dad is dying as well!

[oneofapair]

I lost my twin sister Caroline in August 2009 and my Mum in October 2009 and now it seems as if my Dad is dying.

I visited my Dad at the secure unit yesterday (he has developed severe mental health issues since Caroline died) and when I arrived they told me that he "wasn't very well". He was sitting in his usual chair in the corner but rather than being asleep as they thought he was unconsious. Panic stations - 999 calls and off to hospital.

I have come home for a brief rest but I am expecting a call to say "come back, now!"

It has not been a good 12 months for me!

I am so sorry, you are having such a terrible time. Have you got some good friends around you for support? Do you know what has happened with your father, is it linked to his mental health issues, or something separate?

I lost my own father to cancer when my ds waqs 9 months old, I know it is horrible to lose a parent, but you have expereinced so much of this greif in the last 12 months. Please make sure you take time for yourself and your dc. Thinking of you.

Dad is in intensive care but is hanging on. He doesn't have any signs of fever and his pulse and respiration seems normal. But he is deeply unconsious so they will need to do a brain scan in the morning to see if they diagnose the problem.

DW is with me.

Oneofapair - I knwe about Caroline but I had no idea you had lost your mum as well : I think you are amazing to sound as sane as you do and just wanted to say I am impressed with your ability to survive. I hope your Dad's outcome is whatever you most wish for him xx

Thinking of you at this awful time. You will find the strength, I promise.

thinking of you

I was wondering how you were doing today.

I spoke to the hospital at 9AM. Although Dad had a "comfortable night" he is now on a respirator. I have a copy of his living will that he made out a few years ago and I am going to take it with me when I leave in about 20 minutes.

DW is coming with me to give moral support as I fear that I might be asked to make some difficult decisions on Dad's behalf.

It is rather morbid to say this but in my mind I am thinking how very few people need to be informed of his illness. He and Mum were only children so there are no siblings to contact. Silly to be thinking of that at the moment.

I am thinking of you.

thinking of you x

How awfully sad for you, oneofapair.
Thinking of you, it's not a pleasant place to be in your life.
Hope your next 12m is better.

I have just got off the phone to the hospital. Dad is "stable" which basically means mean they don't expect him to die in the very short term. This sounds OK except he is in a coma, on a respirator, and may have serious brain damage (of unknown cause).

Yesterdays scan seems to have them baffled as to the nature, cause, treatment and prognosis. Not much help to DF and I is it!

so sorry thinking of you x

No change in Dad's condition. Yesterday they tried to take him of the respirator but with no success.

I know you should NOT look up these things on Google but it looks to me as if there is no hope of him recovering and so his living will needs to be considered. He has asked for "no aggressive medical intervention" and the standard phrase "I wish it to be understood that I fear degeneration and indignity far more than I fear death."

I think the Dad I knew has gone.

oh oneofapair, that is sad. I hope for your sake that he rallies sufficiently to wake up, if only so you can say goodbye.

(((hugs))) for you.

How are you doing today? A living will is a great thing for a person to make, to enable them to have some control over the end of their lives. I have one even now. However reading your post makes me realise how difficult it is for our loved ones to decide when to "invoke" it. I am really feeling for you. I hope the doctors have been able to provide a little more clarity for you today. I am sorry that he may be gone from you already. Big hugs to you.

i remember your threads last year about your lovely sister...she died not long after my mum i think....

so sorry this is happenning to you. sending you much strength to cope with the coming days and hope that your dad is peaceful and painfree...

x

Although it will need 1 further batch of tests there is no real doubt that Dad is "brain dead". Assuming that todays tests yield the same result all the life-support equipment will be turned off this afternoon. This is what Dad asked to happen in his living will and is what the hospital would expect to do anyway.

For me this in the end of the sad process that started when Caroline died. Dad never got over the shock of her death and this taken together with all the upset over her will tipped him over the edge. They suspect that he had some degree of mental illness prior to all this but the stress and upset caused a rapid worsening of his condition. The man I used to visit at the secure unit was more like a stranger than a parent.

I don't really know about Heaven and Hell. I do hope that wherever he has gone he is now with my Mum and with Caroline. If I look back 18 months I was single with a twin sister and both parents. Now I am married but all my family have died. And that is a very strange feeling.

im so sorry

Oh oneofapair, this is all truly devastating. I hope you can find some strength for your family, but take care of you

So oneofapair. Such a lot to happen in a short while. I hope it is a consolation that you have your own family unit in the making but I know that it is hard to realise you are now the senior member of the family. I have one old, ill great aunt standing between me and me being the oldest surviving female in my family - it's a strange feeling indeed.

Hope you are as ok as you can be under the circs. Thinking of you.

I am so sorry oneofapair. This is an unbelievably hard time for you. I am thinking of you. Let us know how you are doing.