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Bereavement

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how to explain to the kids?

1 reply

sageygirl · 30/05/2010 12:02

I'm not very good at this sort of thing - talking about death, emotions, anything that isn't practical really. My poor mil is dying - the doctors say just a few weeks left. She's been brilliant with the kids (ds7 and dd3) and adores them and has always spoiled them rotten - they adore her too. She lives at the other end of the country but we telephone and skype regularly and visit her for most of our holidays. The kids know she is unwell - my dh has stayed with her a lot in the last month or two and I told them why he is staying with her but they just accepted this at face value and asked no questions at all - they have no idea that she is seriously ill.

ds is immature and looks like he's inherited his mum's geeky genes- he doesn't do feelings at all and still has a toddler's egocentric way of looking at things. dd is too young to understand really but in some ways is more mature than her brother - has a seriously well developed social scene for a 3 year old and spends all her time nattering away about her friends and mothering her toys (not sure how I managed to produce this child at all).

Should I tell ds - and what should I tell him? He has no experience yet of illness. And would a 7 year old benefit from going to the funeral? (I'll keep dd away from this I think.) Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
mumbar · 30/05/2010 12:21

My DS is 5 and we lost my nan last 28th may quite suddenly altho she was 98.

I explained she had died and would be a star in the sky. It gave him something real to focus on and he would look at the star (a specific one from his bedroom window) and 'talk' to her. Gradually he stopped doing it so much and just talks about great nanny who died.

He was sad - understood it much better than I thought he would considering he was only 4 and actually socially a bit immature too.

Hope this helps.

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