Our first baby was stillborn

[Trickle]

Febuary 15th (he was 42 weeks) - I still don't know where I am and I'm a little lost. I'm waiting for the post-mortem, without it I don't know what to think, it's gone from 6 to 8 to twelve weeks and now they don't know when it will be because there is only one doctor.

I'm trying to keep going but I can't help feeling he drowned (he had amniotic fluid in his lungs) in the dark and I didn't notice.

sweetheart, i'm so sorry for your loss and i'm positive that there wasn't any way of you knowing

x

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I think babies often practise breathing in the womb, inhaling amniotic fluid, so that being there doesn't mean he drowned.

Not noticing was in no way your fault, and he was with you, cocooned and secure when he died, not alone in the dark.

be kind to yourself.

oh love, i'm so sorry. your poor wee boy, and your poor wee family, you must feel so lost. i wish for peace and hope for you. what can we do? do you want to tell us about him? did you get to meet him?

oh yes robyn, i'm sure that was in one of the books i had as well.

Yes trickle, he was with you and kept secure when he died. I am so so sorry but you mustn't blame yourself.

Sometimes things happen that are without explanation. Two friends of mine lost babies in ways that had no logic or sense. They did nothing wrong and there was nothing they could have done. I am sure the same is true for you.

So sorry for your loss. Please post here whenever you want - MN is a wonderful source of support.

Thank you - may post more about him later, but I'm struggling a bit right now

I lost my baby at 22 weeks. She was live born, and lived for just over an hour. I was upset because she had to go through the trauma of birth and then left to die because she was too young to survive. I would have preferred it if she had died in my womb, all cosy, and dark and warm and without the trauma. I`m sorry if this seems insensative, I really wanted you to have a different perspective, just in case it might bring you some comfort. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, its bloody awful, would like to give you a big hug xx

condolences to you too, onedge.

I'm sorry onedge - that's awful and I do understand what you are saying, thank you for the hug I am in need of one - and maybe you are too.

Please come and join us on the bereaved mums thread Trickle! We are a group of Mums who have and still are experienceing the same emotions as you are.
here

So very sorry for your loss. Can I echo Lotties words to come and join other mums in your situation on our very special thread. We all support each other and prop each other up. 'No death so sad as that of a child.'

Also, this happened 5 years ago. I have had 2 healthy children since, and one on the way (and 3 mc ) and it does get better. I still have moments of deep deep sadness, and the others will never take her place, but they DO help to ease the pain, and over time, it will hopefully become bearable for you.

Dear Trickle my heart aches for you, our second daughter was stillborn last june at 40 weeks - we only found out what didn't cause it but not what did.

You will get through this but it is a difficult, draining, exhausting journey which I am not at the end of yet. Be kind to yourself, you will learn to live with the hole in your heart.

xx

Trickle, please know that your ds was in a warm, familiar and comfortable place, he would also have known that he is loved.

Please join our bereaved mothers thread that lottiejenkins linked too. It a great place to come to when you are feeling alone and at sea xx

Trickle I'm so sorry to hear about your ds. My firstborn ds was also stillborn because I had preeclampsia. The SANDS support forum was a great help to me at the time and I still have lots of contact with friends I met there and we support each other.

It has been nearly 5 years for me now and I went on to have another DS (now 3) and a DD (5 months). I still think about him all the time, but his brother and sister have helped me to heal.

I really am so sorry that this has happened to you too. Be gentle on yourself xxx

I am so sorry to hear of the terrible, terrible loss of your first born son.

It is not your fault.

Thanky you for all your replies, I'm not always able to get to the computer at the moment - I will see you on the opther thread when I have a chance - thank you again

August 15th (she was 42 weeks) she would be 4 this august and seems like only yesterday we were robbed of our chance at becoming parents for the first time. Why! Why! Why!
they say that time heals all wounds that is rubbish! the pain it does lessen but never will the raw emotion and heartache fade from that day in August 2006 x If u need to talk [email protected] i have never spoke to any one who lost their baby at this late stage in pregnancy. t c x