I have realised I have a fundemental problem with the concept of inheritance and I don't know how I can get past it.

[Wordsonascreen]

MIL died 5 days ago (long battle with cancer) and already my DH is searching online for new houses to buy, talking about investments and generally disposing of her "assets".

Is this a male thing.

I am recoiling in horror.
We've not even had the funeral and hes talking about bloody estate agents.

I just don't want anything.
She was a lovely (to be fair slightly annoying at times but arn't we all) woman and my faith in everything is shaken.

I cannot reconcile my lovely DP with the man that is browsing rightmove.

what was his relationship like with her?

My brother often talks about my dad like that. He has a bad relationship with him and I am broadly on his side, but I can't stand it, it drives me mad.

lovely
she was a fab mum

a fab grandma

its really freaking me out

i'm sat here not speaking to him when I should be comforting him

Is there any possibility this is his way of coping?

how odd - is he in some sort of denial?

it just seems so hard

I dont really have experience here but it could be his way of dealing with it.....

Give him a few days and he might react differently.

My experience with DH is that he has to do something useful about every situation. If it was him he wouldnt be sitting about contemplating her life etc he'd be doing something else....

I hope you are doing ok though.

she was only annoying in that she was the best cook (roast potatoes) and that everything was spotless and I;m a slattern.

(sorry to drip feed)

DO you think maybe the grief hasn't hit yet?

Bit of denial perhaps? Avoidance of the real issue of bereavement by focussing on the material/practical?

agree with teh others - this is a displacement activity.

It's something to focus on.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Don't be too harsh...it's easier to focus on the practical rather than the emotional.

It sounds cold and heartless but presumerably your dh is a nice man who you know and love, he is probably just griefing in his own way and the concentrating on financial/practical matters rather than emotional ones

I would keep an eye on him. it is possible he may suddenly have a break down moment at the funeral or after

Thanks
I suppose I'm just a bit shocked.

Its a horrible time, I suppose you deal with it in your own way.

Just a thought (having been through 2 very close bereavements recently)....maybe he has a feeling of needing to do something but also for something "good" to come out of losing his Mother.
Death is so final and those closest to it sometimes do have strange ways of dealing with it or trying to make some sense of it...Not much help I am sure but if he loved his Mum-this is his way of dealing with it I am sure.
Hope it all works out ok

When MIL's mum died this is how the family reacted, practical and unemotional.
It hit him a few days later once he'd come out of denial.
I think his brain couldn't focus on 'X has died' so was focusing on whatever else he could.
I hope that makes sense. Please don't think worse of him for this, give it a few weeks to sink in.

It's probably a coping mechanism - using distraction to avoid thinking about his loss. Just bear with him. I was insane after my father died - busy busy busy with anything, just to avoid having to think.

When my grandma died I organised her funeral, sorted out bank accounts and all that - on autopilot. I didn't even realise it was not appropriate to order 30 packing boxes to sort her house out to be delivered the day before the funeral . Honestly, it's probably just the shock.

Wordsonascreen, I have heard similar awful tales of people divvying up the belongings of parents who they clearly didn't give a stuff for. But it sounds, as everyone is saying, as though this could be your DH's way of dealing with things. It's very early days and he must be in shock - and, stereotypically, men don't handle emotional strain as well as women do. You know him so you can decide whether you think this might relate to him.

I am pretty emotionally robust, however, when my bro died, I went out for drinks and went to a party within two weeks. However, the shock was so great that I also stopped eating - completely stopped eating - for the first time EVER in my life (I am a born comfort eater). I was a SAHM with a very young child and so had to swallow down all the anguish and just get on as if life was normal, so from the outside you'd have thought I wasn't affected at all. But inside, I was a mess.

Give him time and space, and hugs and tea, and let him gradually face up to his loss. You can be an enormous help in making sure that he doesn't swallow down the pain permanently, as this is very dangerous. Don't feel that he should start dealing with stuff immediately - sometimes even a couple of months of space can be needed, and then perhaps the best approach for him would be drip, drip, drip rather than letting everything gush out at once.

Thanks v helpful

autopilot

definately

(and apologies for shocking spelling ..fundamental FFS!)

Words - and I'm really sorry for your loss.

Speedy
V perceptive (pub lunches every day and lots of nights out)

btw they were with me my poor liver is suffering !

Thanks MN you really are top non viper gels
x