Too late to write?

[Penthesileia]

I'm very ashamed about this.

In December, a family with whom I was once close (I was a schoolfriend with the daughters; I had drinks with the parents when I happened to be visiting abroad where they were posted) lost their adult son in a terrible, freak accident.

I hadn't seen the son for over a decade, since he was a schoolboy, although my sister was close to him and so I heard of him through her.

I heard of his death about a week afterwards, and fully intended to write to express my condolences.

But I didn't. Life got in the way, and it's always hard to write these kinds of letters. As I said, I'm not pleased with myself about this.

But I still feel I want to write to tell them that I remember their son, even though my memories are of him as a cheeky schoolboy, the irritating little brother of my schoolfriends. I want them to know that - even though I hadn't seen him for a very long time - he made a vivid impression on me.

But I'm worried that writing now, 6 months after his death, I may cause more hurt.

I'd appreciate opinions on this. Do you think a letter now would be painful and unwanted?

TIA.

I think now is good. When you have lost someone very close, you get snowed under with cards and letters; they all become a bit of a blur. For me and my family, they are a great comfort and sometimes it's only a while on you can read them and appreciate the positive memories.
I say do it; you obviously care and they will know that.

Write to them. I lost my parents over ayear ago and would be so touched if someone were to write to me with memories of them.

You get the initial flurry of cards and letters and then the months pass and it so often feels as though everyone else has forgotten your loved one. It is lovely of you to let them know you haven't.

Please do write.

Agree, write it.

I lost my dad last year and would eb touched if someone did this for me.

The bereaved do not get upset by people remembering, they get upset when people forget.

Thank you so much for your replies.

I'm sorry that you have lost loved ones.

I will write tomorrow.

i agree with Dr Northener, its when people ignore what has happened that it hurts. i letter or card may well provoke tears but they were tears waiting and needing to be cried.

Yes do write. Someone wrote to me on the anniversary of a bereavement and it was such a positive, hopeful letter, remembering such nice things and telling me about the things that have changed over the course of the year, but that X was still remembered and would continue to be. Made me cry buckets but in a good way.

I'm just writing such a letter this evening (came on MN to check the address of the bereavement section). I don't think it can ever be really too late to write (although too early is possible), and in fact, as others have said, it could really help that you prove other people are thinking about their loss, too, and not forgetting. In my case, I can't "forget" anyone, as I never even knew this poor child had been born (she died at a few months), but on the other hand, I suppose I can "remember" my friends. Good luck writing the letter.