Lost for Words

[gingercat12]

A dear friend's baby was born stillborn after a healthy pregnancy. No warning signs whatsoever. Have spoken to her the day before she went into labour. [tears]

We would like to send them a card, but I do not want to say stupid things. How could we express how desperately sad we are for them without sounding patronising?

English is not my first language, so I need to choose my words carefully anyway.

LunaticFringe I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for the suggestion, we will definitely offer support. I am so happy you said we ought to respond instantly, that was my gut instinct as well.

Ginger, have just seen your post and wanted to reply.

My dd2 was stillborn at term 2 years ago. Not meaning to rock the boat but I didn't want exactly what Lunatic has suggested (although I do agree with some!)in as much as I certainly didn't want anyone interfering. Although I did want contact. For me, it was enough for the friends who texted me and sent their love, then left it to me to contact them.. I wouldn't have actually answered any phonecalls or opened the door though.

Everyone copes differently, but the one things that everyone seems to say is don't ignore it or pretend it hasn't happened. No matter how uncomfortable you might feel, never pretend her baby wasn't born and wasn't real.

My love to your friend.
xxx

feedme Thanks a lot for sharing and very sorry for your loss. We will just have to take cue from our friends.

I have posted a card with our heartfel feelings though.

We spend the nights talking about it with DH. He is typical bloke and would never talk about his emotions, but cannot get over this.

Sorry, it is my silly name today, i am ginger BTW.

Our little boy was born sleeping at term also after a perfect pregnancy.

I think my advice would be please make sure your friends know you are willing to be there for them, not just by offering once. It was impossible for us to answer doors or phones or ask for help but that didnt mean we didnt need it.

I agree with cooking or shopping, you can ring the bell and leave a casserole on the doorstep after dropping a note through. Send little notes saying you are shopping and you can be texted or sent a note to if they need anything - perhaps even just get bread and milk and take it anyway.

Try and speak with grandparents/other family visitors if you can too, just to pass on your ongoing support.

When the time comes that they need to venture out it might help if they know they have a hand to hold.

One last thing - you cant beleive it has happened and for them its a million times that. They are greiving for many things and imho will be for many many years in fact most likely forever.

another thing not to say is 'you can have another' arghhhhhhh