my son has died

[lavandes]

my 34 year old son died suddenly after an accident 2 weeks ago. I don't know how to start coping.

I'm so sorry

Lavandes, I am so so sorry for your loss.

my thoughts are with you, and I will come back here later. x

very sorry x

I speak to a lady whose son went to the same school as my ds sadly her son was in a tragic accident,this is absolutely our worst fear as parents and its happened to you.

I am so sorry.

I am so very sorry. So so awful, I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through. Xx

It's quite normal to feel like you're being punished. I felt like that too.

The only way I could get my head around the fact that ds had died was to blame someone or something. My rationale was that as ds was only 15mo he couldn't have possibly done anything worthy of such punishment, so it must be something that I had done.

But as time went on I just realised that it is simple as life is unfair sometimes. But getting to that point is painful and probably a stage you have to get through to get to the point where I am now.

xxx

Another mum from the bereaved mums thread here. I am so sorry for your loss, Lavandes. The physical gut wrenching pain is ghastly and every time you wake up it hits you all over again, and again, and again It just isn't meant to be that you outlive your child. It's the stuff that happens to 'other people'. You are welcome to join us on our safe haven thread , or stay here and talk about your son if you would like. Remember you're not on your own in all of this, and again so sorry x

Oh lord lavandes

So very sorry.

Very stupid question I know Lavandes - how are you doing sweetheart? The only word to describe your situation, in my opinion, is weird - its unfair, unjust, cruel, weird, and odd. xxxxx

I think it is only just sinking in that I will never see him again. Last evening I could not stop crying. He was a chef and I had received a lovely letter from one of his customers. The letters and cards are still arriving every day as more people hear about it, it is so kind of people to give us all this support but I feel so ungrateful because I wish they would stop sending them. That makes me feel so nasty, a lot of people are shocked and upset. I took a 'Nytol' last night and I did sleep, I woke at 2.30 but I did not get up and did go back to sleep. Hope a few good nights sleep will make me feel a bit better. Thanks again for all the messages.Do you agree that this is like being thrown into a different world?

Yes, a totally different world, planet and universe. The 'early days' seem too much to bear but somehow you will get 'there!'

I used to have to walk around our town chanting in my head...'one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe.' I had to do that every time I went out. I felt that I was stood upright in a suit of armour and if I let my guard down the whole suit would collapse onto the floor with me in it.

We received over 200 cards after Matt was killed. The postman would bring them in big batches every day. Sometimes now, after 18 years without my little lad, I will read through them. Now I am very grateful for them but at the time they drove me mad.

Be kind to yourself love. xxxxx

Hello Lavandes, Am so sorry for your loss, I am another mum from the bereaved mums thread - my two year old son died suddenly and unexpectedly a year ago. How has today been for you? If you don't want to open/read the cards then get a bag and as they arrive pop them in there - you may find in weeks/months/years you may want to read them or you may not. We also received loads and i looked at them and put them in a bag, my dh never read them and probably never will. Many people brought or sent me flowers and i kept sending my visitors away with them - I'm sure folks thought i was nuts but i couldn't bear the flowers here as i didn't want flowers to remind me time and time again of ds2's death.

My DH went back to work two weeks after DS2 died and at first i felt totally abandonned until i realised that he had to do that for himself. Grief is so personal and DH and I are doing it sooo so differently. I personally wouldn't worry about showing your grief/upset in front of children. My DS1 wass 4.5 when his wee brother died and i found children's approach to death/grief very straight forward and almost refreshing compared to some adults.

There is a wealth and depth of support here and I'm sure one or other of us will have experienced whatever you're going through at some point and sometimes it helps to let some of it out - keep posting if it's helping you and please do come join our supportive thread referred to above, much love xx

I'm so sorry you lost your little boy, now that it has happened to us I KNOW there could not be anything worse. Each day is different, yesterday I was quite calm, today not so good as yesterday. I am just going to deal with each day as it comes and try not to think about tomorrow. I spoke to my doctor today and he told me what I was feeling like without me saying a word, so I now know that I am not mad. I have put the cards away for now xx

I am so so sorry for your loss.
I haven't experienced it myself but my SIL and her Dh lost their little girl to meningitis just over 5 years ago now.

The devastation to the entire family was immense, and I still find it amazing to see how they have managed to get through the last 5 years. One day at a time, even one step at a time is how you will get through.

Please take care of yourself, you need to grieve in whichever way is yours, I will be thinking of you, xx

I am so sorry for your loss Lavandes.My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.x

peace and love to you, lavandes.

I'm so very sorry

I have only just seen this, and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.

Oh Lavandes, I am so sorry for your loss.

So saddened for your loss - take care of yourself and take each day slowly xx

sorry not been talk for a few days. we scattered ashes - rested - today I felt it was worse than the funeral, so final. I felt that I really let myself go at last, no one there I had to be strong for but me and my husband, hope we can now go on and share our feelings together on our own which we have not been able to until now.. Thanks for all your kind messages and support. xx