found this too. i am sorry for you loss .
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Many of you reading this will already know that after someone dies we show our respect for them by coming together to say good-bye. The family, friends and people who went to work or school with the person, gather at the home or in the church, synagogue or mosque to remember the life of the person who has died and to comfort each other.
The body of the person who is dead is usually placed in a wooden box called a coffin. Sometimes the coffin is brought home before the funeral or people go to the funeral parlour to say goodbye. Often we lay flowers on the coffin to show our love for that person. Flowers remind us that all living things and people die eventually; flowers are fresh and beautiful for a short time but then they will also fade and die.
The funeral service is usually led by someone - it may be a clergyman or woman or it can be a non-religious person. He or she may read prayers or special poems and often friends and family sing hymns together because it helps us to hear and sing words of comfort that have been sung for hundreds of years by millions of people.
So you see that a funeral is a very important ritual that takes place all over the world. It helps us to believe that the death has really happened even though we so badly want to turn the clock back to a time when everyone was all together.
Because we feel like this, our tears come suddenly even though we may try really hard to stop them, particularly if we feel that we are too old to cry in front of other people. It can feel embarrassing. Well, we are never too old to cry when something as dreadful as this is happening! Sometimes we would like to cry but find that we can't and that is hard but 0K too. Some people find that they can only cry when they are alone or they find that they burst into tears unexpectedly at the smallest thing. Sometimes it's like a great well of tears sitting behind your eyes that keeps bursting through.
Sarah said -'I didn't really feel anything for the first 3 months. For the next 6 to 8 months I couldn't really handle myself or my feelings. Then after that it took me a long time and a lot of tears but I managed to calm down. Ever since then its been like a long road up a hill. "
Burials and cremations
Once a person or animal has died, their body no longer needs air to breathe, water to drink, or food to eat. It no longer feels pain, cold or warmth. It cannot crawl, walk or run any longer so we have to find a place where we can leave it safely.
There are two ways we do this, one is to bury the body in the ground so that it eventually becomes part of the earth which helps the trees, flowers and rivers to grow and flow. Or we can burn the body so that it becomes part of the air, the sky and the wind. Whichever is decided, it's important to remember that the person or animal that has died does not mind because they no longer need their body.
After the funeral service, after the readings or prayers and singing or whatever the family have decided to do, as there are lots of different kinds of funerals families can choose, then the body in the coffin is buried or burned.
Do I have to go to the funeral?
You certainly don't! Some children say they wished they had been allowed to go. Others have said that they think they were too little at the time and are pleased they didn't go. What is important is that you know what the funeral is and why it is happening and that you can find someone you trust to answer your questions.
What is a memorial service?
A memorial service is held sometimes after the funeral. Not every family chooses to do this but when they do, it is usually held a few weeks or months later. It allows more people to come together to remember the life of the person who has died, people perhaps who live a long way away and who couldn't come to the funeral. It is often a happier occasion where people celebrate the person's life and talk about the person who has died and where favourite music may be played and poetry and stories read out. Members of the family may choose to speak in a way they didn't feel able to at the funeral because a little time has passed since the death.
It is very common for famous people to be remembered in this way, people like John Lennon or politicians. But families may decide to hold this sort of service too.
Ruby was 6 when her older brother Rowan died. Lots and lots of his school friends came to his memorial service and his favourite music was played. His friends played their recorders and sang. Ruby remembers this as "The happy funeral".
What happens next?
It's quite natural to wonder where the dead person has gone. What we believe depends very much on what our families think happens when a person or pet dies and so the idea of being with Jesus in heaven may be comforting to one family and very scary to another family. John aged 5 became frightened to go out to play in the garden for fear that Jesus would snatch him to join his brother. Children who grow up in other cultures may experience a strong family view of what death is and how it fits into a cycle of life. For example, in Sikh families, the eldest son always washes the body of the person who has died.
Whatever our culture, whatever our religion, spirituality is an important part of us all. It's about how we are able to be connected to others, our past and our future and the world around us.
What do we mean by heaven?
It is not unusual for people to say the person who has died has "gone to heaven" but what do they mean? You might have heard people say 'It was heaven!" when talking about a wonderful experience - it can help to think of heaven as a place where there is no pain or hunger, where there is warmth and we are loved and cared for. Of course nothing answers the question "Why?" However wonderful heaven is, we would always rather the person we needed had stayed with us and the pain of being apart has to be got through until it's not always as painful.
So - funerals need not be frightening, they are one of the ways we humans mark very important times and make them special. No-one should feel they have to go but children who do go are well able to manage as long as they know what is going to happen and have someone they trust to be with. No-one knows for certain what happens after we die - different people believe different things."
Child bereavement trust website