how to help my best friend?...

[thehillsarealive]

sorry if this is a total ramble, obviously very upset. My BF yesterday had to have a C section to give birth to her sleeping baby at 41 weeks, I have spoken to her on the phone, cried with her, but I just dont know how to help her and her husband and her little baby twins that she has.

If anyone can give me any words of advice I would appreciate it. Have offered to go up to see her - just to hug her over the weekend, should I just go? Dont know what to do for the best. Do I send a card, flowers (sympathy) wait for the funeral, all of a dither here.

All this on top of my Dads 2nd stroke, not sure I can take much more.

Go and see her. Even if she asks you to go, she'll know you're there for her. And sometimes men aren't great at coping with things like that so she may need more than her dh. At the very least you could offer to do the shopping while she stays in and cuddles her twins.

But don't get upset if she asks you to go.

I dont live near her kathy, but it within driving distance in a day and back. She is in hospital as she had a C section yesterday and said she would be in for a few days. Her husband is at hospital with her - but obviously will have to go and sort out the twins. Although her mum and dad are down, not sure how much actual 'help' they will be.

So very sorry to hear about your BF, its absolutely heartbreaking.

My friend gave birth to her sleeping baby girl Ruby over two years ago. All I can advise is to be there for her.

Initially my friend didn't want to see anyone so I wrote a letter. I personally wouldn't send flowers but thats just my opinion.

As my friend got stronger I visited and phoned regularly. It was unbelievable how many friends didn't bother. My friend loves to talk about her baby girl and I know she finds to so hard when people act as though Ruby didn't exsist.

We are now nearly 3 years down the line and my friend has her good days and her bad days. She has 3 lovely boys and they have brought her comfort and joy and given her the will to get up in the morning. I always remember to send a card and a gift on Ruby's birthday, I think things like that are so important.

I know that my friend has found SANDS amazing and has made a Sands friend who has been through the same thing, they have become very good friends.

Thinking of you and your friend x

thank you Lou, what is SANDS?

SANDS is a support group (Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Charity). www.uk-sands.org.

I am sure that the hospital will pass on details of SANDS to your friend. They have a huge support network in the UK and an on-line support forum. I hope that your friend gets all the help she will need.