20 years since my friend died

[WhyFrank]

I had a childhood friend (we were at school together and our families were friends) who was killed in a road accident when we were teenagers.

The 20th anniversary of his death is coming up this summer, and I've been wondering how his parents must be feeling and whether it will make the occasion all the sadder if it passes without other people acknowledging it.

I've been thinking that I could collect memories from other school friends/contemporaries (could probably do it quite easily via Facebook) for his parents - I suppose to show that there are lots of people whose lives he touched and who still remember him - but I keep getting cold feet.

I can't work out whether they would appreciate something like this or just find it upsetting. And what form should I send the memories to them in?

Does anyone have any experience or opinions that might help me decide?

I suggest that you go ahead, do the FB page for you and then ask them afterwards if they would be intrested in something like that. If they aren't upset at the idea, then go ahead & tell them about the Facebook page.

I have a friend who also died about 20 years ago, she was 21 -- stroke/pneumonia, really weird thing .

I'd go for it. My mum died young, and I know that her parents want to mark the anniversary by reminiscing about the wonderful person she was. It is a really nice thought on your behalf.

Thanks.

I think part of what's holding me back are the logistics of it. I'm FB friends with both his younger brothers and I don't really want them to be exposed to the whole process of collecting the memories. I think it would be nicer for them and their parents if they only had to engage with a finished product, IYSWIM. Maybe I can set up a group without an obvious name and make it members only or something...

Hi WhyFrank - it really is a lovely idea and very thoughtful of you - I can assure you that they are upset already (have been for the last 20 years) and it will mean so much to them that someone remembered their son after so many years.

Personally I think that a scrapbook will be more appreciated than a FB page. Not all older people are up to speed with FB or even computer literate. Also, a scrapbook is something that they can hold in their hands and look at again and again and perhaps take with them to show other people.

Perhaps you can ask your FB friends/contacts to email you their photo's and memories of your friend and then you can make hard copies and put it all together in a memory book and take it to them or have it delivered - either way, it will mean the world to them.

Thanks, NinaJane. I'm sure you're right about the scrapbook being better. I was just thinking that a FB group might be a good way to gather the material (maybe reading other people's contributions would spark more memories?) but I'm not sure how to do it without his brothers getting wind of it...

Thanks again for replying, everyone.