Premature birth followed by death

[rosehip]

My dear dear friend has just experienced the early (27 weeks) birth of her daughter followed buy the baby's death 2 days later. Words cannot express how devastated both her and her husband are. A wonderful friend with so much to give, and having already been through much trauma throughout her life she did not deserve this. Her baby is being burried - does any one know the etiquette are flowers the norm? I, as a close friend have been asked to attend the 'family only' funeral. Also any positive stories following similar circumstances would be appreciated. Thanks x.

That is indeed very sad.

I know someone who lost their little girl last year (born around 23 weeks). I am very, very pleased to say that she is pregnant again and due fairly soon. A woman of great courage and strength.

I have another friend who lost a little one after a full term pregnancy - although I did not know her at that time - she too went on to have another.

About the flowers, I am sure there is no etiquette in thes circumstances. You know your friend best so do what you feel is right. Personally, I think flowers would be nice or perhaps something more lasting ......say a rose bush or the like. She will not want to forget her baby and this might be a token she would appreciate later. She could plant it at the grave (if that is allowed).

You sound like a good friend to her to be as concerned about these things as you are. She is lucky to have you. She will need someone to be a tower of strength right now and perhaps you fit the bill.

Be what you can for her but especially be there for her.

Take care and be strong.

Thanks butterflymum the rose bush was a great idea. I have got a lovely white one today which I will take with me on Tuesday.

That's lovely, rosehip (and actually, I am only now noticing the 'rose' in your username - I hope you do not think I was being a bit insensitive).

Tuesday will be a difficult day for everyone, especially your friend.

Be strong and give her what support you can, but remember to also allow yourself to grieve - the loss is to you as well.

Take care, you do indeed sound a special friend to her.

rosehip ... such a sad time for you friend and for you. I just don't know how I would cope in that situation. She is lucky to have a close friend like you.
I think the rose bush is a lovely thought ...
Hope that Tuesday goes ok ...
xxx

I think the rosebush is a lovely idea, rosehip. We have a crabapple tree in our garden for our son Tom but decided against flowers at the funeral because to be blunt they will always dwarf the coffin. Our son just had three rosebuds from mummy, daddy and his big brother.
I think your presence at the service will be a huge comfort. I was very touched to see some familiar faces at our service and their presence has meant a special bond between us and them which I think will endure forever.
I will be thinking of you all on Tuesday. Although it will be a tremendously sad occasion, I promise you that none of you will regret your chance to say goodbye in this way. My memories of our day are extremely precious. Your friend is so lucky to have someone like you close to hand.

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry I posted twice and have replied under 'Death following premature birth' X.