Writing to a friend whose husband has committed suicide.

[flossie64]

As in the title- I need to write to a lady who was my neighbour for 8 years. We still exchange cards etc and when I go up to visit the area I always see her, and her DH.
He killed himself on Saturday and I need to write to her, but don't know where to begin.
How can anyone be of comfort in circumstances like these.

Bloody hell
I'm so sorry for you and her.

First of all you are lovely to write to her. So many people duck out of this tricky task and from what I've read on MN, letters and sympathy cards really do make a huge difference to those receiving them.

quick google found this which is probably along the lines of what I would have written I think.
Other guidelines from t'internet include: -
Start off to say how sorry (or shocked, depending on the nature of the death) you are to hear of the death of the person and mention then by name.

Say that you are thinking of them and the family at this difficult time.

Depending on how well you knew them, it is good to note any special qualities that the person may have had.

It is nice to include a good or happy memory you have of the person that has died. It may be that the person you are writing to isn?t aware of your memory and can add it to their own treasured memories and have a smile about it.

You might want to mention the qualities of the person you are writing to that may help them through this time. You might also want to mention the happy memories of the deceased that will help sustain them in the future.

Offer help if practical, but make sure it is specific and not the ?ring me if I can help? type of offer. This may be just to drop a meal around, do some shopping or help with arrangements for the funeral.

HTH and good luck with writing it.

I don't really think there is much you can say to comfort, the comfort to her will be that you have thought of her and made contact and maybe say if she needs someone to talk to you are there for her.

People often don't know what to say so say nothing and leave the person feeling isolated. I would keep it short but let her know your care.

Hope this helps.

xx

Thanks for your replies- I have sent a card with a letter in it.
As was mentioned I did talk about him by name and memoriesI have. My ds is devastated as he used to go golfing with the man and he died on DS's birthday ,so it will always be remembered.
I wish there was more I could do to support her ,but we now live 475 miles away .So practical help is very difficult.
I'm struggling a bit to deal with it.He was suffering from depression and I have as well. It scares me,as in, there but for the grace of God go I . IYSWIM.
I can't believe the way he did it ,and how many people have been affected by it. So tragic.