Dads birthday tomorrow felt drawn to buying him a card whilst out today.

[anastasia74]

Hya everyone. I'm struggling today. Its my dads birthday tomorrow. We had a big celebration for his 70th last year just 2 months before he died after a heart bypass operation.

It makes me feel really sad that I can't do anything for him to mark his birthday.

I thought about buying him a card and putting it on his grave. but changed my mind. Felt it would be too upsetting to look for a card for him that was appropriate.

Like I say I'm struggling. Any advice how to cope with these feelings.

thanks.

anastatsia, I know how you feel. My dad died in 1993, when I was 23. Something always makes me think of his birthday every June, although I sometimes get past the anniversary of his death without realising now.

Maybe you should just go and visit his grave, give it a tidy up and put some fresh flowers on it. Spend some time with him.

I now live 300 miles away from my Dad's grave. I am sad that I can't really go an visit it, but I think about him a lot.

I hope you get throigh tommorow OK. Do you have siblings nearby? Or your mum or other family. Maybe you should get together in remembrance of him, but happily.

I have no mum or dad and we lost mil 15 years ago .

Its a day where you remember them and their good times and do something that they would have enjoyed doing ...thats how they leave a part of themselves behind,perhaps your dad was a gardener? in which case you can plant a shrub for him? did he enjoy a pint in the pub? go and have a drink in his memory,was his favourite meal steak pie? have steak pie for dinner,perhaps he smoked a pipe? could you buy a small amount of his tobacco and just enjoy the smell -splash yourself with his aftershave in boots,write him a note take time out to just remmber him.

The firsts are always very hard and i cant say it gets easier but you learn to cope and you do live without the hollow feeling in your heart.

Your Dad is with you all the time somebody so loved doesnt die they live on in your heart.

Im not a big one for big extravagant shows at the graveside......thats for everyone else to see how much I miss my lost ones- to me daffoldils in a vase are my way of not letting myself forget.

Hope you find peace tomorrow..

I'm very sorry for your loss.

One thing that helps me is I try and not make a big thing about the key dates. I like to give a thought to my dad on his birthday, but at the same time I don't make a huge point of it. My rationale is I've lost my dad whatever day it is so I don't like to concentrate my grief on a particular day. I prefer to spread it out so I don't have a dark day to get through every year if that makes sense.

If you want to mark your dad's birthday why don't you release a balloon in your dad's favourite colour, or eat his favourite chocolate or cake on the day.

Alternatively, you could put flowers on your dad's grave after his birthday. This may sound a little odd since it wouldn't be his birthday, but it may take some pressure off going on another day.

Would your dad want you getting upset on his birthday? I think he would want to be remembered on the day but not for you to get overly upset. It is important that you remember what your dad would want/say to you. It should help to keep the memories alive. Don't let the grief take over your dad's words of wisdom/views/opinions.

So in summary ask yourself would my dad mind if I put flowers down on his grave at a later date? Would my dad just be happy that I remembered his birthday? Your memories will give you the answer. Follow these and not what you're meant to do when grieving.

Hi anastasia. I know how you feel. It would be my da'd birthday nect Tues, then the 1st annivesrary of his death on 21st April.

It's creeping up and I am aware I am feeling more tired and emotional, but that has been me for the past year anyway I guess.

I am visiting dad's grave on Easter Sunday and want to do something special but am not quite sure what yet.

Like yuo I am struggling too I guess.

Hugs
x

Thanks so much everyone for your comforting words and ideas of how to get through the day, it has really really helped.

Journey, yes I think its a good idea to think of what he would say to me If he could see me now. He was always full of wisdom and opinions. Thinking about our conversation has helped me feel a little more positive today. If a bit raw.

He would not be happy to see us struggling with it all.

He would tell us to have a drink for him.

Dr Northerner I'm sorry to hear you are struggling too at the moment. We seem to be on the same path. One step forward and two back. Thats how it feels at the moment. Its early days I guess. Really I would not expect to feel any different from the way I'm feeling now. Heartbroken.

Hugs to everyone who knows how this feels.

I'm sorry you feel sad. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow as well and he died 12 years ago today. On the weekend nearest his birthday I visit the crematorium with a bunch of daffs and a 'love you, miss you' note attached and then find a lovely quiet place that I think he'd like and lay them there and have a little chat about what's been happening. I like having a ritual that is between him and me and no one else. It is my special time that helps me cope at other times. I hope you find your own way of coping.