DPs Dad is dead... What the hell do I do?

[SirBoobAlot]

We got a call Saturday lunchtime. He was on holiday in India and was found dead in his hotel room. I'm still in shock, so I can't imagine how DP must be feeling (he's staying with his mum and step dad for a few days to work out the practicalities).

I don't know what to say or do to help. Logically, I know all I can do is give him a hug, make him tea, listen to him if he needs to talk and be prepared for a rough few months. He has never lost anyone before, just to twist the knife a little deeper.

Not entirely sure what advice I'm looking for. Just something. I feel so useless.

Oh hell, I am so sorry. Where is your DP now?

Do you have children?

Could you help with practicalities like letting people know? Your DP isn't going to want to keep saying it over and over again.

He is with his mum and step dad, I'm back home. We have a DS, four months. I've spoken to his boss so he doesn't have to do that, and his step dad and uncle are communicating with the Embassy. I wrote a list for him earlier about what he needed to get from the house (the will, the power companies etc) but his Dad was a very organised man, and he had everything in a folder on his desk, Just In Case.

Oh bless him .

I am so sorry for you all.

That's terrible, I am so very sorry.

As Fab said I think just being there and carrying on with the normal stuff so he can gradually regain his composure without having to worry he is letting you and dd down...it will be hard for you to do everything, but that's probably your best thing to do right now to let him be in that other space in his head.

so sorry

So sorry, call or email me if you need a chat xx

So sorry My FIL died about 13 yrs ago and I remember it as a limbo time - DH was in shock - but it took him a while to recover. Just be there.

Thinking of the Boob

Oh, Boob, so sorry to hear that, how v sad for your DP and you .

Be there for him; what he needs from you is likely to change as time passes and his emotions evolve. I agree pratical help as it becomes necessary and a sympathetic ear as needed will be helpful to him.

You will be in my thoughts.

so sorry for the family's loss- will be thinking of you.

so sorry to hear this
thinking of you and your dp

Boob Just be there for him- my BIL died last year, sometimes DP was distraught, sometimes he wanted to tell me stories about his brother, sometimes he got angry, sometimes he just wanted to ignore it all.

You're on my facebook, if you need anything just shout x

Sorry for your loss. Your post asked about things you could do. It might be nice to get together a montage of photos of you DP's Dad if you have access to any. Take care.

oh boobs i'm so sorry e-mail me if you want to talk about it or even to talk about nothing.

Thank you, all of you.

Photo's wise - am distraught. I took some the only time he came down to meet DS, but I think the PC has deleted them as it has been messing up recently They were the only ones of the three men together, am heartbroken. I am hoping I took some on his dads camera too, and when it is a bit easier, DP will find them when he starts to sort the house.

Oh God am crying again. Held it together whilst I was with him - I know right now he needs someone to be strong for him, and that's okay, I can manage it - but now all the shock and everything else has cornered me.

Sweetheart you need to grieve too, I know you need to be strong for your DP right now but please even if it is crying in the shower you need to let it out.

Let me know if there is anything I can do, maybe my DP can sort out your photos/PC thing he is a tech wizard. Text me if you need anything. xx

Only just seen your thread, so sorry tohear of your DPs loss. Hope your families are around to support you both. Take care and thinking of you. Xx

The is software able to recover deleted photos. However the more you use the computer since they were deleted, the lower the probably you can recover them all.

The process can seem fairly complex and off-putting. But by carefully following the steps, no special knowledge is required and you have a good chance of success.

www.cgsecurity.org/wiki/PhotoRec_Step_By_Step

Kimi's DP

Hi there. So sorry. We have a similar situation but in mirror... my Dad died last week, our DD is 2 months old. It's a tough time. I'm sure you are doing wonderfully in supporting your DP. The things I have really appreciated with my DH is that he is someone i can be myself with, he can tell people that I find difficult to tell (it seems especially difficult when combined with new parenthood, when you are supposed to be happy and also when people find out that your father has died they are doubly horrified for you). Also i have been snappy, and just extremely tired. DH has born the brunt of this, doing practical stuff and not taking offence. That means a lot.
Also, it is quite difficult when you are just getting the hang of being a mum / dad for the first time to be pulled back into other family relationships... especially being a daughter / son. So I appreciate that with DH my role as a learner parent is one I can focus on.
Sorry, not expressing myself well. Good luck, take care of yourselves.