So DH understands and can deal with my tears but struggles with my irratability, mood swings, anger and general feelings of apathy.....

[DrNortherner]

And to be honest so do I.

If I'm sad and missing my Dad dh can hug me, and talk about him.

If I'm down right mardy, difficult and seriously frustrated he does not know how to handle it. Neither do I.

Its 12 months in April since Dad died, and mostly it feels like yesterday.

I miss him like hell. My feelings change from complete exhasution (despite sleeping 10 hours most nights) to just a general can not be arsed attitude.

I am on a waiting list for councelling. I think I am losing the plot sometimes. Today I sobbed my heart out at work and could barely hold it together.

Don't even know why I am posting, just good to hear from others who are travelling the same awful journey.

bumping for you as not in the same boat, but did not want you to go unanswered

from what i understand, the first year is the hardest and grief is a process which takes time, a long time

i think it is perfectly fine to be shattered at the loss of a beloved parent, and it is not even a year yet

so sorry DrN

I am only three weeks into this journey having lost my mum, I am exhausted not helped by not sleeping well, my mind whirls when I lie down at night. My mood swings are terrible. Can't really say much else.

I think Lulumama is right in saying the first year is the worst. All the anniversaries come round: the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first spring... Those things are so new and so raw without the person who has died....
I like to think that we keep people with us by remembering them and including them in our lives, no whether they are dead or alive. We don't see our parents every day, but still think of them, imagine their reaction to something a DC has just said, plan or imagine conversations with them. It is very hard to have one-sided "conversations", but if we know people really well, they can't "leave" us, as we know how to keep them with us.
I hope both of you are all right.

Dr Northerner

I'm sorry to hear you had a very difficult day. I can really relate to everything you say. The mood swings really are something arent they. Don't think you are losing it at all. It's how I feel at times also.

Still believe we are coming to terms with the trauma and reality of what we've been through. It's early days yet is'nt it.

Seb1. I'm sorry. Hope you find some comfort on this thread. I certainly have over the months.

Hugs